?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
05 June 2008 @ 11:27 pm
Fic, Lost: Repetition Does Not Transform a Lie Into a Truth (Boone/Shannon), PG13  
And yours truly is done with another table. Yay! It's not like I'm so really convinced of this one but I'm convinced I'll never have a serious Boone/Shannon bunny even if I tried so I just went with it. And I needed to get away from Kant's politics for a while.

Title: Repetition Does Not Transform a Lie Into a Truth
Rating: PG13 to be way sure (always sorta incest, right?)
Characters/Pairing: Boone/Shannon
Word counting: 540
Disclaimer: If they were mine, he'd be alive and she'd have treated him better.
Spoilers: Up until Do No Harm but really, is that even a spoiler?
Summary: What’s most pathetic, is that Boone died believing all the crap she had always told him, or so she figures.
A/N: for 12_stories #6, truth. And apart from the fact that I'm done with that table I don't think there's really that much to say ;) title found on quotationspage.com. I hope Mr. Franklin Delano Roosevelt doesn't kill me all over again in the afterlife for the use I made of his line.



What’s most pathetic, is that Boone died believing all the crap she had always told him, or so she figures.

Maybe it isn’t true, maybe he had always known better than her. Maybe he had seen through all the lies she had thrown over him since that night when she refused his money.

And then we’ll just go back to what it was.

That had been just the last one. She can’t really count them now and she doesn’t want to.

She had tried to go back to what it was and look at the result.

She can’t help thinking that if she had been sincere with him just once maybe it wouldn’t have happened. She had been on the verge of doing it once, when he started drifting away; then she hadn’t, and doesn’t she regret it now?

Oh, he had been lying to her, too. That was for sure. Because if he had asked for Shannon while he was dying, then everything he told her that day at the caves had been a lie and she had fallen for it, indeed. Now, that was just ironic, that he managed to cheat her as easily as she had cheated him, and she had fallen for her own trick.

Now Shannon just wishes she could have told him that she hadn’t really meant any of what she had said to him during the last year or so, that she should have never used what she knew he felt for her as the last resource and that she did love him, even if not that way.

She can’t now. He died thinking at best that she hadn’t really cared about him at all; at worst, he probably thought she hated him. Nonetheless, he was asking for her, not for someone else, and she hadn’t been there. She had been on another beach and the night when he died was the one in which she had been happiest since crashing here, and isn’t that ironic?

She never hated him; maybe she convinced herself because then thinking about that night in Sydney would have been much easier, but well, that was just the worst of the lies she had kept telling herself.

She had never loved him the way he loved her, but she had loved him. She just had never admitted it to herself for good because it’s easier to con someone you hate than someone you love. It wasn’t even his fault, it wasn’t like he ever did anything to deserve it except accepting a job and offering to help her out.

She doesn’t want to go inside that cave, she can't bring herself to, but ultimately she does. At this point it isn’t a question of what she wants anymore.

The truth is that he wasn’t God’s friggin’ gift to humanity. He was life’s friggin’ gift to her and she realized it at least one month and a week too late; at least, she should have realized it before knocking on the door of his room in Sydney.

She’s kneeling over him and crying when she tells him she’s sorry, and that’s the first true thing she has said to him since she can’t even remember when. She figures it’s better late than never, even if it will never be enough.

End.
 
 
feeling: sleepysleepy
on rotation: birdland - U2
 
 
 
cate: The Office - Everybody hurtsenamors on June 5th, 2008 09:42 pm (UTC)
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNEEE! *sniffle* I miss him so much.

This was fantastic. I especially like this part, "and that's the first true thing she has said to him since she can’t even remember when."

So good.
the female ghost of tom joad: lost constantjanie_tangerine on June 5th, 2008 09:46 pm (UTC)
*coughs* BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONEEEEE!! *coughs* erm, yes, my dear, you're missed and the writers suck. *squishes him*

Thank you so much! I wasn't really that sure of this one so it's great to hear you liked it, thanks again! God, why is he dead? Just why? *sighs*
(no subject) - enamors on June 5th, 2008 11:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - janie_tangerine on June 6th, 2008 06:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - enamors on June 7th, 2008 03:45 am (UTC) (Expand)
Kros_21kros_21 on June 5th, 2008 09:47 pm (UTC)
bellissima Janice!!!!!!!!
Dovresti scrivere di più su questi due!!!!!
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural bon jovi rocksjanie_tangerine on June 5th, 2008 09:49 pm (UTC)
LOL volentieri, non fosse che o mi viene lui che si fa il sangue amaro o lei che è in preda ai sensi di colpa ;) giuro che se mi viene qualcosa di più interessante per quei due ci ritorno su y/y? ;) ♥ grazie!
Creature Of Hobbit: hearts and mindstellshannon815 on June 5th, 2008 10:08 pm (UTC)
Great work, always good to see more Shannon and Boone fic out there!
the female ghost of tom joad: lost boone/shannonjanie_tangerine on June 5th, 2008 10:16 pm (UTC)
Thanks! There isn't really much and it's a pity. But well, one does what she can ;) thanks again, glad you liked it!
(no subject) - tellshannon815 on June 6th, 2008 10:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - janie_tangerine on June 7th, 2008 07:10 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
the female ghost of tom joad: lost shannonjanie_tangerine on June 5th, 2008 10:21 pm (UTC)
God I love your comments, you know? You totally got exactly what I was trying to do with this one. Those two are just tragic damnit *sigh* and while it's not a pairing that could have ever really worked they had quite an interesting dynamic going on, which of course got chunked but whatever. Thank you so much, I'm really glad you liked it! ♥
Shonatoestastegood on June 5th, 2008 10:56 pm (UTC)
You completely pinned down my feelings about the relationship between Shannon and Boone: she really did love him, even if it wasn't in the way he loved her. And, personally, I like to think that he did know that. I don't think Boone actually died thinking that she hated him - perhaps I just like to keep myself in denial like that!

I can totally see how she'd think that though, and it's totally heart-breaking. All those regrets, all those things she'd never get the chance to say to him, the mistakes she never got the chance to put right. I was always able to see a little bit of me and my older sister in Boone and Shannon (well, y'know, minus the incest) in the way they sniped and bitched at each other but still cared underneath it all. I can just imagine how awful it would have been for her for him to just go ahead and die like that.

Ah, Boone. God's friggin' gift to humanity.

And congratulations on finishing your 12_stories! They've definitely been fun to read. ♥
the female ghost of tom joad: lost boone/shannonjanie_tangerine on June 5th, 2008 11:11 pm (UTC)
perhaps I just like to keep myself in denial like that!

Oh, I'm with you. I could meta for hours about how I don't believe that he thought she hated him eventually but yeah, we're both on that. *sigh*

But I think she totally thought that and while pushing on that kind of hurt I guess I couldn't have gone either way. I personally don't have siblings but I've sort of saw the same thing happen with some friends of mine and wouldn't that be painful? It totally would.

God's gift to humanity indeed! I think I need an icon. *nods*

Thank you so much both for the congrats and the lovely feedback, I'm really glad you liked this! ♥
hollycomb on June 5th, 2008 11:05 pm (UTC)
Perfect Shannon voice, and this is exactly how I envision her feelings for him, the whole relationship, etc. This was especially great:


The truth is that he wasn’t God’s friggin’ gift to humanity. He was life’s friggin’ gift to her


I haven't seen a Shannon episode in years, but I could hear her actress's voice when I read that!
the female ghost of tom joad: lost shannonjanie_tangerine on June 5th, 2008 11:12 pm (UTC)
Thanks! It's absolutely great to hear you liked Shannon there, especially because I have way more practice with Boone than with her. That line was probably my favorite of the whole thing so even better, right? Thanks so much again, glad you liked it! ♥
Emily: shannon/booneemiliglia on June 5th, 2008 11:05 pm (UTC)
Awwwww. Poor Shannon. I love and miss both of them so much. This was painful, but so good, sweetie.
the female ghost of tom joad: lost boone/shannonjanie_tangerine on June 5th, 2008 11:14 pm (UTC)
God, don't we all? I do too. Absolutely. And I so wish they'd have kept her, if he had to go. Clearly not. *sigh* *shakes head* Thanks you so much, I'm really glad you liked it ♥!
mkfsdj: captain dreamymrslinus17 on June 6th, 2008 07:09 pm (UTC)
Janie, why are you still here? Go, be a writer for the show! Damn, this is so good, and sad, and obviously brilliant because I never really liked Shoone in any sense.
the female ghost of tom joad: lost captain hotassjanie_tangerine on June 6th, 2008 07:59 pm (UTC)
Want the truth? I don't like it either ;) I mean, I think they were totally wrong for each other in that sense but they have such a good dynamic to explore that I figured I could go with it a couple of times. Thank you so much, I'm really glad you liked it! And believe me, I'd go writing for them on the spot if I could ;) [which means that if I did season 6 would totally be the zombie season..] ♥ ♥
(no subject) - waine on June 6th, 2008 09:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - tellshannon815 on June 6th, 2008 10:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - janie_tangerine on June 7th, 2008 07:17 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - janie_tangerine on June 7th, 2008 07:15 am (UTC) (Expand)
aboutbunnies: all of us are lostaboutbunnies on June 8th, 2008 03:06 am (UTC)
This is wonderfully done. Such a great exposition on Shannon and her relationship with Boone. I particularly loved the last two paragraphs. So much feeling, so much pain. Shannon grew up that night, and you captured it perfectly.
the female ghost of tom joad: lost shannonjanie_tangerine on June 8th, 2008 07:05 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! It's not any day that I write Shannon so it's great to hear she was IC here, though maybe it's because I was totally understanding what was going on in her head ;) thanks again, I'm really glad you liked it! ♥
elliotsmelliot: Vincentelliotsmelliot on June 8th, 2008 01:44 pm (UTC)
Congratulations on finishing your table!

The truth is that he wasn’t God’s friggin’ gift to humanity. He was life’s friggin’ gift to her and she realized it at least one month and a week too late; at least, she should have realized it before knocking on the door of his room in Sydney.

I loved this phrase because Boone and Shannon are all about realizations that are too late to make right. This was a great look at Shannon's raw grief and regrets. (And so brave of you to come back to this moment). Excellent work. This plus your Charlie story has been craving more Boone. I'm sure you will fulfil that sooner than later!
the female ghost of tom joad: lost shannonjanie_tangerine on June 8th, 2008 03:04 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

Those two are totally about late realizations, true. I really don't know why do I always go back there but it's probably because some part in my brain thinks that the more I go there the more it's likely that I'll stop suffering when I do. I'm really glad you liked this one, thanks! And about the more Boone... you could totally bet on the sooner ;)
The ducks in the bathroom are not mine.: Juliet_Downtown6degreesoflea on June 9th, 2008 06:44 am (UTC)
Nice, sad, fic. I don't believe Boone died thinking Shannon hated him (thanks, Locke) but I do believe she thought that he thought that way. The poor girl was so lost after he died and this fic spoke beautifully to that.

She figures it’s better late than never, even if it will never be enough. =( gorgeous.
the female ghost of tom joad: lost shannonjanie_tangerine on June 9th, 2008 07:35 am (UTC)
Thanks! I don't believe he thought she hated him either (oh, I've got a Locke one in program which will definitely make me happy while writing it...) but she would have believed it. That arc just tore me in pieces *sigh* Glad you liked it! ♥