“So stop it, or we will.”

Dean looks at him for a couple of seconds, then straight at the ground and Castiel just settles on not saying another word.

He breathes slowly, in and out; he has to admit he still isn’t feeling completely comfortable with this body. Even breathing feels strange, but of course, in his true form he doesn’t breathe. He doesn’t need it. For a minute or so he keeps on inhaling and exhaling steadily, while Dean’s hand is still pressed over the wall. If he were to throw a punch against it now, Castiel wouldn’t feel surprised.

He can sense what Dean is thinking. Not exactly hearing it (he could in his true form, he really can’t now), but he feels it. He senses that Dean isn’t really thinking straight, but that’s one sentence he captures fully.

That was just cruel.

Castiel knows what this refers to. He knows that Dean still hasn’t got to the point where he actually thinks about what his brother is doing out there; he’s still at the fact that Castiel sent him back when he knew there wasn’t anything Dean could do to change it. Castiel doesn’t really resent him for this; truth to be told, he wouldn’t have seen the point in there, but his host seems to be getting it and Castiel gets the feeling in return. Maybe it has something to do with why he’s inhabiting this body for the time being, maybe it doesn’t; it isn’t really Castiel’s business after all. Dean Winchester is his business, though, and yes, maybe it was cruel, but there still wasn’t any other way. Maybe now he will believe him.

Not that Dean doesn’t believe him; Castiel is sure that on some level he does. He just doesn’t want to accept it, but he has had time. Not that Castiel wouldn’t give him more, but time is definitely running out here. He shakes his head just a bit. Castiel wishes he could just make Dean understand. He doesn’t want him to fight a fight he doesn’t fully believe in though, also because Castiel figures that it wouldn’t do much good.

Another minute or so passes. All he can hear is Dean’s labored breathing; Castiel hadn’t realized he had been holding his own until his lips automatically part and as a result he coughs. Not loud, but seemingly enough to snap Dean out of... well, whatever he was thinking.

“This makes no sense.”

Castiel turns his head in Dean’s direction; Dean is still looking in front of him.

“You’re wrong.”

“Really? So that’s why you brought me back? To stop Sam from whatever the fuck he was doing?”

“This would be the main concern,” Castiel answers. And it’s the truth. This does not cover the whole of the problem, far from it, but it’s definitely the priority.

It’s not like he can lie.

“Then if I don’t do it and you will, why couldn’t you do it in the first place? Why would you need me? And you know, he’d listen to you. He actually believes in you. Or in God, for that matter. He fucking prays every night.”

“He might believe in me or in God, but I am pretty sure he would only listen to you. And I know he does, as God knows. And that’s exactly why it’s your job.”

“Well, you say you’d take care of it if I couldn’t!”

“Dean, if we take care of it and he doesn’t listen to us for how much he might pray, it’s not going to be a pleasant experience. Not by any mean.”

Dean shivers visibly for a couple of seconds. Castiel figures he understood that not a pleasant experience meant that Sam wouldn’t have probably survived, if they were to take care of it.

“And what do you care?”

Castiel really isn’t one that loses his temper easily, but he’s really, really, really this close to smack him. This one is really stubborn, he thinks before breathing again, slowly, a couple of times.

“Dean, I thought you were smarter than this. For your information, I am not a demon and we do care.”

“Right. Guess I was forgetting that I’m talking to the good side here.”

“Well, I guess you were. And as I said, we do care about the both of you and the fact that we do use violence doesn’t mean that we like doing it or that it’s what God is about, Dean. God is with you and God is about...”

“Spare me that, please. You were just telling me it’s about love, right?”

“Then you have learned something after all.”

Dean finally looks at him and no, he isn’t amused. Not in the very least.

But Castiel isn’t, either.

“That just makes no sense. No fucking sense. It isn’t possible. God isn’t about love and He surely isn’t with me of anyone.”

“God is always with you, Dean.”

Dean lets out a laugh and sits back on the bed, shaking his head. The laugh doesn’t really sound healthy.

“Dude, this God you work for? Not really. Hey, he can’t need a patented sinner to do his work.”

“There are sins and sins, Dean. And I’m not talking about a God, this God or that one. I’m talking about God and I can assure you that He is with you, indeed. In this very moment.”

“That’d be a pretty hard one to explain, holy tax accountant. And really, up to now, looks to me like He’s doing a fairly piss-poor job of showing me.”

Castiel shrugs the remark away. He hasn’t known Dean long, but enough to know that he almost never means any of the swearing that comes out of his mouth and he figures that it wouldn’t do much to remind Dean that he just broke two Commandments. It probably isn’t the first time and won’t be the last.

“Have you read the Gospel according to John, Dean?”

“Let’s say I did.”

Castiel won’t tell him that he knows that a priest friend of Dean’s father read it to him years ago.

“Tell me the opening lines.”

“Can’t remember.”

“You can.”

“Well, maybe I don’t want.”

“Alright, alright,” he answers raising his hands in defeat, “I had figured you wouldn’t tell me anyway. If I say In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was God, what would you say?”

“What the hell are you philosophizing about, Clarence?”

Castiel is momentarily thankful for his host informing him of the existence of a movie called It’s a Wonderful Life, since they share his memories. Castiel manages to catch the few scenes his host remembers.

“Not about a way to send you in a world where you don’t exist, Dean.”

Dean opens his mouth, then closes it, then opens it again and Castiel figures he has really, really won this one. He managed to make him speechless; now, he wants to know why it’s so good of a feeling, but it’s not the time.

“Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad of an idea and maybe you’d actually realize that you are worth more than you give yourself credit for, but that’s not the point.”

“And what is that?”

“God is the Word, and the words are what language is made of. God is with me and you now as we speak and will always be when you say anything. He always is. He is even in your swearing, if you wonder.”

“This is crazy.”

“No. This is just one way, Dean. Like this, He is with pretty much everybody else.”

“Also with demons then?”

“He is with them. If they don’t listen to Him, their loss. And weren’t demons angels once? God is with everyone. The problem is that, do you listen to Him or not?”

“He can’t possibly want me.”

“Dean, I already told you that there’s sin and sin. And you never really did anything that’s really sinning. Surely not as serious as what your brother is doing.”

Dean’s eyebrow rises up and Castiel can see that he’s not really convinced. What news.

“Really.”

“So, what would your sins be?”

Castiel figures he can try with the direct way. Maybe he’ll manage to make Dean understand.

“Are you fucking confessing me?”

Castiel sits on the bed and shakes his head.

“I’m not. I just want to know what are those unforgivable sins you’d be doing.”

Dean looks at him like he’s gone out of his mind, but then shrugs and looks directly at Castiel while he speaks.

“Not counting the fact that I’ve killed plenty of demons and probably the real owners of their bodies and all the people that I couldn’t save?”

“That’s your job, Dean. As ours is ours.”

“Alright. You asked for it. I only had pre-marital sex and plenty of it, with both men and women; I buy porn magazines and enjoy the hell out of them. If you asked Sam in which exact place in Hell I’d have ended up he’d have told you straight to gluttony ring without thinking about it, even if there isn’t a capital sin I never tried once. Right, maybe we could pass sloth, but anyway. I also broke most of all the Ten Commendments more than once, I don’t drive safely on highways and my favorite group is Led Zeppelin.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“That isn’t sinning.”

“What?!”

“Dean, as I said before, there’s sinning and there’s sinning. And let me tell you, as long as it’s plain sinning of the kind which can only harm yourself, if harming at all, it’s your business and nothing God cares about. And well, God doesn’t really care for most of the things you think He cares about. God cares about the bigger picture, Dean. And in His eyes, you are perfectly worthy of Him. We wouldn’t be talking about God if He made preferences based on what you consider sinning.”

Dean stays silent for a second. Then speaks again.

“So you’re actually telling me that God likes Led Zeppelin?”

Castiel actually has to bite his tongue, or his host’s. He silently apologizes to him when his host’s hand twitches a little for the unexpected pain.

He had expected such a remark. He figures Dean isn’t really going to admit it, when he finally decides he wants to believe.

Not that Castiel needs him to, anyway, as long as he knows he does.

“More along the lines of God doesn’t care whether you do or not. God’s love doesn’t rely on such a basis.”

“Just quit it.”

“What?”

“This God-loves-you crap. I’m pretty sure he never gave a damn and if he ever did, don’t you think it was a little too late? You can tell me he wants me to work for Him, fine. Not that he loves me. Just fuckin’ not.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because it doesn’t work like that, Dean. God has work for you also because He does love you and if you don’t believe it, you are going to fail. Simple as that.”

“Ain’t so hard, on the other side of the fence. Takes a kiss, and that’s it.”

“You said the other side of the fence.”

“Then just show me,” Dean answers, and his voice shakes just a bit when he he speaks.

Castiel’s eyebrow rises, a slight frown draped all over his features.

“Show you?”

“Yeah. You, or God, or whoever the fuck it is. Show me the difference. Show me that He loves me, and then I might give you a point.”

Castiel nods slowly. He thinks this is a question he can answer; his host doesn’t object to what he’s about to do and that’s good, because otherwise he couldn’t.

Maybe it will also convince Dean of a couple of things. And of the existence of something called relativity. Because he thinks that Dean isn’t any good at thinking in terms of relativity, but he probably might benefit of any improvement of skill in that direction.

He gets a bit closer to Dean, the mattress shifting slightly under his weight; his hand touches the back of Dean’s head slowly, cautiously, for maybe two seconds or three; he doesn’t waste time in watching the way Dean’s expression morphs into a really confused one and he brings their lips together, pressing just a bit, careful not to be too harsh but also making his message clear.

Extremely clear.

His tongue traces Dean’s lips and they’re soft, warm; he wonders for a second how it would feel if they parted and figures that this is called temptation, to an extent.

But it’s a small one, after all. Nothing that will make him fall from Heaven or that is unheard of.

“What the fuck was that?” Dean whispers, his voice low, his breath fast.

“Exactly what you think it is.”

“That’s... that’s...”

“You’ve been taught it was sinful, maybe. That’s what surprises you, Dean?”

Dean nods, seemingly unable to find words.

“I’ve told you. There’s sinning and there’s sinning. That’s not even sinning. You said you wanted me to show you, that’s the only way that looks like you might get. After all, you said that’s all it takes on the other side of the fence, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” is the answer, Dean’s voice always low to the point that Castiel barely hears it.

“This isn’t the same. Is it?”

“No. No, it isn’t,” Dean admits, and Castiel can feel how much it’s costing him.

“Good. Because you see, a kiss isn’t all it takes on this side of the fence. On this side, Dean, it isn’t as simple.”

He doesn’t give Dean the time to answer because it would just make this appear complicated when, in truth, it’s just as simple as it goes; God gave him an assignment and that assignment didn’t only say save him because he has work to do; it also said save him because he deserves another chance and because his heart is good and God doesn’t need much more than that. And Castiel doesn’t, either, for that matter.

True, this isn’t the usual way; but it’s a way like any other and seemingly one Dean knows well.

Castiel’s lips cover Dean’s again and he meets no resistance; hands that were clenching his trench’s sleeves crawl all the way up to his shoulders and his neck and Castiel meets no resistance when he slowly plunges his tongue inside Dean’s mouth, where he finds just warmth and a taste which is pleasant even though Castiel can’t really place it.

The kiss is met willingly and Dean reciprocates it, weak and needy moans coming out of his parted, wet lips; his eyes are impossibly green and bright in the darkness of the room, but Castiel can distinguish each single shade before Dean closes them and his frame trembles just slightly.

Dean takes off his long sleeved shirt, remaining in his black short sleeved one; it doesn’t take much to lift Dean’s shirt as Dean’s arms raise. He doesn’t even try to take it off himself and so Castiel does it for him and lets it fall gently over the floor while the fingers of his left hand pull the button of Dean’s jeans open and pull slowly the zipper down.

The mattress shifts under Dean’s weight when he’s laying shirtless on the bed, Castiel’s right hand over the mark on Dean’s left shoulder, gripping as tight as he had gripped it before, his left closed over Dean’s cock, stroking it gently but firmly at the same time, Dean’s body shivering in pleasure under his, a string of curses leaving those full, parted lips. Castiel doesn’t mind; he can feel God in others’ words and he can feel Him now, behind words spoken in nothing but sheer pleasure. Dean’s forehead is glistening in sweat and Castiel’s lips slowly lick off a couple of droplets and they taste salty and warm; he feels Dean’s nails scratching his back but it doesn’t hurt and he doesn’t rush a thing.

The time they have might not be much, but it will be enough and as Dean comes against Castiel’s hand, hard and fast and a strangled noise of pleasure coming from the back of his throat, his head jerks up and the angel’s lips are crushed into a messy, fast kiss that is everything but gentle and definitely nothing he had expected, but nothing he doesn’t welcome, either.

Castiel realizes he’s still dressed apart from the trench, but he wasn’t the one needing this.

He stands while Dean breathes heavily on the bed, his eyes closed; he can hear him from the bathroom where he washes his hand.

When he’s back into the room, Dean is sitting on the bed, pulling on his shirt; his hair is as messy as it can get, his swollen and reddened lips curved up in a thin smile, but there’s something Castiel sees now that wasn’t here before. Maybe it’s in that small smile, how sincere it looks, and how for the time being his body doesn’t look as tense as before. Castiel doesn’t know, he’s not the omniscient one. But he feels the shift. Close enough.

“Dean? You understand now?”

Dean’s eyes meet Castiel’s for two seconds, green irises shining in the utter dark of the room just for Castiel to see; then he smirks while he puts his boots back on and stands up. He puts his jacket on, then turns back towards Castiel.

“So, God wouldn’t mind if I keep on buying porn?”

Castiel feels the corner of his mouth crack upwards before he can’t control it; looks like he’s been in a human body for too long and he can’t avoid human reactions.

“No. He won’t really mind.”

“Good. So, where you said Sam is?”

Castiel joins him at the door of the room, repeats the address, Dean nods and gets out; Castiel thinks that he’s surprised when he sits in the Impala’s backseat without saying a word and probably even more surprised when some song about squeezing lemons blasts from the radio and Castiel doesn’t blink an eye. Then Castiel sees Dean’s smirk in the rear view mirror and figures that maybe he believes, now. And if not to the whole extent, for a good part of it and it's more than enough.

End.