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28 January 2009 @ 01:47 am
fic, Lost: We Three (Desmond/Penny/Sayid), hard R, for lostpicksix  
God, why, why can't I write comment length stuff? But this kinda wanted to be written and since I have this feeling that tomorrow's episode will absolutely ditch the premise I wanted to have it posted before.

Title: We Three
Rating: hard R
Characters/Pairing: Desmond/Penny/Sayid in any possible combination
Word counting: 2246
Disclaimer: if Lost was mine... why. What the hell. This'd be canon.
Spoilers: for the S5 premiere.
Summary: Yes, Penny thinks, it’s insane.
A/N: written for the battle at lostsquee for the prompt stars. Using for lostpicksix #34, femslash, because erm, how am I supposed to write femslash with a m/m pairing otherwise? Title stolen from Patti Smith. Also, wandersfound? I don't remember if it was you with whom I was discussing an eventual Des/Pen/Sayid threesome ages ago but since I think you might not be adverse this is your surprise for that meme? ;)

When Penny wonders about how it happened, she can’t help finding it slightly insane, even if when your boyfriend spends three years locked in a bunker underground pushing a number, insane becomes relative.

Then again, when you find him again after eight years you kind of are reluctant to let him get away from you. That’s why she didn’t want to hear reasons; when he said he had to go back she had said fine, but I’m coming with you.

She had come and it had been for the best. Especially since they’re stuck on the island, each and every one of them; it doesn’t look like they’ll leave any time soon. Fine for her; as long as Desmond was there, she didn’t really care.

Except that he wasn’t always there. Because as the physicist said, he was different. And different meant that strange things happened. Sometimes he just zoned out for a couple of minutes, sometimes he was there one second and not the next, sometimes he was gone for a couple of days; she had worried at the beginning, but he always was back so she had just stopped worrying. He never says where he goes; once he told her he can’t even remember and it’s such a mess. He was half-crying then; she hadn’t doubted him much.

It was when she had started talking with Sayid. Mostly out of the lack of anyone else who felt just as out of place as she did. Jack was sorting things out with Juliet and Sawyer with Kate or so it seemed, since Kate was always around Claire (who had just come out of the jungle the day they arrived). Penny had tried to talk to Claire once but she never got an answer. She knows why, or so she suspects.

When Kate was with Claire, Sawyer was with Hurley. And since she had sort of had to bargain for her life at once certain point, she was way wary of ever taking a walk in the direction Linus had disappeared in. Sayid was the only one left. Also, it seemed like he wasn’t exactly close with Desmond but at least they did know each other and talked quite often. Why not?

Sayid hadn’t exactly been talkative at the beginning. After she learned why, she could understand that. And there was insanity number one because now when Desmond was gone she just spent her time with a former torturer, not to mention former hit man for a man who wanted her dead. But this former torturer was also an intelligent man who could carry on an intelligent conversation when he actually talked, who drew her attention constantly with his quietness and the perpetual sadness draped over his features.

While they were going back, she had seen him being at times borderline paranoid, at times cold and calculating, at times selfless; always fascinating though, since she could see he did have morals, and quite the morals for that matter. Sayid Jarrah was pretty much an enigma and she was curious. She couldn’t help wishing to know him better; and while a reasonable person would have retreated after knowing more, she hadn’t. Not really.

They had kissed for the first time on the fourth day of one of Desmond’s time-travel sessions (because that was it, no denying); they apologized and he kept on saying it was unforgivable on his part and maybe they just should stop seeing each other at all and she had said no point, since she hadn’t backed away when he leaned down.

She told Desmond when he was back two days later though; she didn’t want to keep it from him and couldn’t. He had just smiled and shrugged and told her she was already putting up with a lot of things.

They made love on the edge of the jungle that night, under the starry sky, slow and full and the best, the best they ever had since leaving.

A month passed and Desmond was gone for a week and Daniel kept on saying it was normal but she just worried, and worried, and worried, and when she ended up kissing Sayid again she hadn’t let him get away.

They fucked against a tree that night, under the starry sky; he was as considerate as someone could have been while she urged him and left scratches on his back. She apologized to him for using him so blatantly after; he said she shouldn’t and it wasn’t like he pushed her away.

“Will you tell him?” he had asked.

“I don’t know,” she had answered. “Maybe… maybe we should.”

Sayid had barely nodded.

Desmond was back in another two days, his nose bleeding but stopping as soon as he saw her; he collapsed and she and Sayid brought him back to their tent. She had gone out to get some water when she heard them talking from the outside. She just caught the last half of Sayid’s sentence, but enough to realize what he was talking about.

“… and I’d understand it if you wished for me to stay away from her, Desmond.”

She heard a sigh; she clutched the bottle between her hands.

“Nay. I know how it gets, Sayid. I… never mind. I still… I don’t know how come both me and her didn’t go crazy already. If I was her I’d have given up on me a long time ago. And well… can’t really blame either of you. It’s… I just… listen, if I tell you somethin’… I need to tell someone but she can’t know it.”

There was a pause; she figured Sayid had nodded. She kneeled on the outside; she didn’t feel exactly alright with this, but like hell Desmond was going to keep something from her. Also, she needs to talk to him, too; she feels ashamed for what happened last night.

“I… can’t really remember when I’m goin’ when it happens. I mean, I remember as long as I’m not here, but I forget as soon as it stops. Daniel told me I’m coming back at all just ‘cause she’s here. Y’know. ‘Cause she’s my constant. Otherwise I’d be… unstuck or something. I just… didn’t exactly get all his explanation, but the point is that while my head can live with it, he isn’t sure that my body can. ‘Cause of the nosebleeds.”

“Could you…”

“Die? He says it’s unlikely but if it doesn’t stop then one day I’d be gone and… just, gone. I… Christ, I… she… you get that, right?”

Penny got that alright; if it happened, not only he would have been lost for good but she would have also found herself stranded there without really no one she knew well. Except for…

“If it ever happens could you… you know…”

Penny could feel how awkward it could have felt to ask such a thing; she didn’t even feel offended because he just went and supposed she couldn’t take care of herself. She didn’t wait for Sayid’s answer and just got into the tent.

“Des, you really didn’t realize that I am not the damsel in distress here, did you?”

She noticed that Sayid was kind of holding Desmond’s hand at that moment; nothing that bothered her at all though. After all, she had done much worse and she figured Desmond might have needed some encouragement there. He just smiled weakly and sat up, lowering a bloody handkerchief from under his nose, where he was holding it up.

“I reckon you heard it all, aye?”

“Yes, and I just… never mind. I wouldn’t recognize you if you hadn’t done otherwise. Always so bloody honourable.”

And so yearning to be the righteous and romantic hero of the story, just look at his reaction to what he just knew, she had thought then, but kept her mouth shut. What a romantic, indeed, but it’s not like she didn’t fall in love with him also because of that.

“Sorry,” Desmond said as he stood up and took a couple of steps towards her; Sayid stood up too but didn’t move. “I just… I can’t bear this. I never wanted for it to be like this. I… you don’t deserve this bloody mess. And if I just…”

“You won’t,” she answered as she took his hands in hers, trying to sound convinced. Better not to think about the other option. “And well, I didn’t exactly sign up for this but it doesn’t matter. Des, you know I don’t care.” I love you, she’d have added, but Sayid’s presence stopped her from saying it out loud for some reason.

“Aye, I do,” he whispered against her lips.

“Desmond, I’m… really, I’m so sorry, we shouldn’t have…”

Sayid suddenly came closer, near her side. She felt her throat going dry, but she needed to finish it.

“I was… well, I was worrying, you weren’t there for a week and… I just…”

Desmond shook his head and was about to say something but Sayid cut him before he could.

“It was a mistake on both of our sides and I really… am sorry. I guess that I should leave you alone now.”

Sayid turned in order to get out, but then Desmond had said don’t and Penny hadn’t exactly been surprised. Somehow she had expected it (maybe the hand holding, maybe their time spent together while they were coming back, maybe how sometimes Sayid looked at Desmond, maybe how sometimes Desmond glanced at Sayid) and somehow she didn’t feel as nervous as she should have felt. It was up to Sayid, though; and he didn’t leave.

--

The first time was that same evening, in the tent. Nothing had happened, really; Sayid didn’t get out but he didn’t exactly move towards them, either; then Desmond had left her side and Penny hadn’t said a thing when they kissed. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, not much; if only Desmond’s lips hadn’t been moving against Sayid’s and for the length, it might have seemed even friendly. She hadn’t felt jealous, then; after all, that was what she had been doing four days ago. Then she had reached them and Desmond had kissed her, and that had been passionate indeed, his tongue plunging into her mouth, his hands over the small of her back; and then when they parted she had turned in Desmond’s arms and had kissed Sayid, slowly, without the rush of that night. That was it. Sayid didn’t go to his tent that night, but kissing was as far as they would go that first time.

Not the second, though.

--

And so that’s what happens now; crazy, indeed, but something has to be working because then Desmond had disappeared just a couple of times and never for more than two days. When he’s gone, she isn’t on her own anymore; when he is here, it’s three and not two and everything has changed while in truth nothing has.

Nothing has changed because what she feels for Desmond and what Desmond feels for her hasn’t changed; everything has because there’s a new factor into the equation and, strangely, the result does add up. She heard somewhere that when you let someone new into your relationship it’s either falling to pieces or as strong as it can get; in this case, she leans towards option two.

It’s not like Sayid isn’t conscious of where he stands; he is, indeed. The second time (and third, and fourth, and she thinks at least another couple) he never took any kind of initiative; while he never was passive at all (and oh, she knows it, she knows how good can his hands feel as they touch the skin inside her tights slowly as Desmond kisses her), he clearly felt like it wasn’t his place to.

When Desmond is gone, they will be together and Sayid’s hands will touch her like she was made of frail porcelain; when Desmond is here, they will be together and she will feel dizzy and her head will spin as she watches them kissing, while Desmond’s teeth bite over Sayid’s lips, knowing she will be the one tasting the blood it draws after. They will be on the outside, on the beach, under some strange stars that Penny can’t recognize, when no one else can see them; there will be blankets and they will only use a couple, Desmond will make love to her slowly and cradling her to his chest while Sayid watches them (or they will fuck, hard and fast and yet with something behind it that Penny can definitely call passion and maybe fondness, and she will be the one watching). Sayid will just let everything go and when he’s with them he won’t look as troubled as he usually is and the sad frown on his face will momentarily be erased; Desmond will gladly let someone else take control of things for once, Penny will be able to forget that they’re stranded and still in danger and that Desmond could disappear every second and they will all forget until the bliss that comes from this is gone.

Yes, Penny thinks, it’s insane. But as she sits on the beach, bright shiny stars shining above, Desmond holding her hand which stays above his knee while Sayid, behind them, is covering with his left hand the one touching her own shoulder while his right lingers in Desmond’s hair, she really doesn’t mind the sheer insanity of this all.
 
 
feeling: exanimateexanimate
 
 
 
halfdutch: Des & Sayid by mediocrechickhalfdutch on January 28th, 2009 02:08 am (UTC)
Oh, love it! This threesome makes all kinds of sense, the way you've written it here. I really like the idea of them together like this! I think I especially like that it makes Sayid less sad, and how Desmond asks him to look after Penny, just in case.
the female ghost of tom joad: lost des/sayid gropingjanie_tangerine on January 28th, 2009 09:24 am (UTC)
Thanks! I sincerely had wanted to threesome them since forever because that'd just solve all my shipping dilemmas so glad you thought it made sense here. Because I highly doubted it but it seemed like a good solution. Glad also that the whole Desmond-wants-Sayid-to-look-after-her angle worked because it seemed pretty plausible to me but I did have my problems there. Thanks so much again! ♥
elliotsmelliot: Penny blue shirtelliotsmelliot on January 28th, 2009 03:02 am (UTC)
*Claps* Oh this was one of my prompts! Thanks for bravely taking it on and for attempting it from the most challenging POV of the three of them. I didn't think it could get better than lonely Sayid and Penny, but then you added in the most valuable part of the equation. And the stars shined down on them. This was lovely and strangely logical!
the female ghost of tom joad: lost des/penny/sayidjanie_tangerine on January 28th, 2009 09:27 am (UTC)
Ha, I should have suspected it! Well, the other threesome prompt was mine so I guess we're on the same wave again. ;) ;)

Thank you so much, I'm really so glad that you liked it! Taking it from her POV was kind of challenging but since my problem wasn't Des and/or Sayid being okay with it but Penny being okay with it I thought I'd go for her. And may stars shine on them for a long time. ;) Thanks so much again!
(Deleted comment)
the female ghost of tom joad: lost des/penny/sayidjanie_tangerine on January 28th, 2009 09:11 pm (UTC)
Aw, you're too nice to me. Thank you! ♥

Isn't the mental image just lovely indeed? I mean, I ship Des/Penny, I ship Des/Sayid, why not solving all my problems? ;)

Glad to hear the story unfolded well here, I always try to make it seem believable without being too heavy on explanation so it really made my day to hear that it did work that way. Thanks so much again!
missy_uselessmissy_useless on January 30th, 2009 07:56 pm (UTC)
Yay! I absolutely loved this! You made this threesome work, and I really love how you portrayed Penny in this. Awesome fic!
the female ghost of tom joad: lost julietjanie_tangerine on January 30th, 2009 09:38 pm (UTC)
Oh, thanks so much! I do love those three *sigh* and always great to hear I do well with Penny. I was kinda worried about how this was going to come off. Thanks again! ♥
a geek in such the wrong way: sunsethaldoor on January 31st, 2009 07:33 am (UTC)
Poor Penny! But somehow, I think she needs them both and they both need her. Very well done, my dear! ;-)
the female ghost of tom joad: lost des/penny/sayidjanie_tangerine on January 31st, 2009 08:49 am (UTC)
You said that all. ;) Thanks so much, glad you liked it! ♥
rodloxrodlox on June 10th, 2009 09:15 am (UTC)
never shipped Penny/Sayid before...but they make sense when you phrase it like that.

excellent look at Penny's mind. bravo!
the female ghost of tom joad: lost des/sayidjanie_tangerine on June 10th, 2009 09:57 am (UTC)
For that matter I don't exactly ship it either (I'm more for shipping Des with them both), but in this case it kind of fit and I just went for it. ;) Thank you so much, glad you liked it!