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20 February 2009 @ 08:38 pm
fic, Lost: Of Course I Don’t Believe You’re Dead, and Gone (Jack/Boone), nc17  
Title: Of Course I Don’t Believe You’re Dead, and Gone
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Jack/dead-but-also-here!Boone
Word counting: 4400
Disclaimer: Lost is so definitely not mine. Look at the pairing.
Spoilers: pretty heavy for 316. If you haven't seen it, I'd stop reading now since the summary is half spoilery.
Summary: Jack is going crazy, he knows he is, because he’s standing in front of a counter in a fucking butcher shop, with a coffin a few feet behind him, drinking the words of a person who died under his hands three years ago just because he’s saying everything he needs to hear.
A/N: kind of belated fic for missy_useless's birthday; the prompt was Jack/Boone and a Queen song, which in this case would be All Dead, All Dead (even if another one is mentioned); I had tried to avoid bunnies where Boone was dead but I couldn't find a song and then the plot for this one clicked just after I saw the last episode, so pretty heavy spoilers for that one and a specific scene specially.

“Wherever you are, John... you must be laughing your ass off that I'm actually doing this. Because this... this is even crazier than you are.

“Not really.”

Jack gasps loudly and jerks, turning to the counter behind him and leaving the knot on the left shoe untied; he stumbles back and hits the coffin; pretty much trapped, indeed. He blinks once, twice, three times; his left hand shakes badly and he suddenly wants a strong drink. Or a pill. Or...

“Jack, don’t freak out. It’s alright. I... let’s say I wanted to say hi.”

Jack swallows and stares, unable to do anything anything else; it’s not like he has ever seen anyone else apart from his father, not really, but he knows that Hurley saw Charlie and... well, looks like something is going on.

Boone is in front of him, sitting on the pristine white counter, his feet bare; hair which is way longer than he remembered falls over his neck in a smooth wave. He’s all a contrast; his lips are strikingly red, his eyes still impossibly blue, much more striking now since his skin is way paler than it was back then, he’s wearing a pristine white tank top but his trousers are black. His hands grip the counter, his legs don’t move, he’s half smiling; well, fine, not exactly what one would define threatening, but the shock was too much to bear.

“Just that?” he manages to say after a good minute of silence. Boone shakes his head, looking at the ground.

“Not really. But also that.”

“Oh. Right. I... Hi, I guess?”

Boone’s lips curve in a slight smile which Jack can only think of as sweet for a couple of seconds before it disappears and he nods.

“Hi yourself.”

Jack thinks this is seriously getting too crazy because hello, he’s talking to a ghost, while he’s next to an open coffin containing Locke’s body and in three minutes or so the butcher woman is going to arrive with the truck or whatever it is and...

“What did you mean?” he asks before he definitely loses it. “With not really, I mean.”

“Oh. Well, he isn’t laughing his ass off. All the contrary.”

“How do you...”

“Jack, he’s dead. I’m dead. Let’s say we’re in the same place for the time being. Last time I saw him, he was everything but laughing his ass off, I can guarantee it. We don’t laugh much actually.”

Jack nods, taking the information in, breathing heavily. Suddenly he realizes the irony of the situation; fuck, after all who was the responsible one for Boone’s death? He suddenly feels very, very uncomfortable.

“Go ahead. With the shoes, I mean. There’s still time for what I need to tell you anyway.”

“You aren’t... I mean, doesn’t it...”

“Don’t worry about that. It’s just a body. I can’t get exactly offended, right? Come on, do it.”

Jack nods and turns back to his task, his fingers shaking badly as he ties the knot; he closes the coffin then, sure that when he’ll look at the counter Boone will be gone.

He isn’t; he looks like he’s just waiting patiently for him. Jack feels the weight of the letter in the pocket of his jacket. He ignores it for now.

“You can come closer. I don’t bite, don’t worry.”

His voice sounds so light, almost carefree even if it isn’t exactly so; Jack can’t help a couple of flashes of those first days after the crash. The pens, the water, the inhalers. He sounds more confident now, even if confident doesn’t exactly cover it. Usually memories haunt him, but this round... not exactly. It almost feels good and before he knows he’s so near that they could touch if one of them only reached out. He doesn’t, though, and Boone doesn’t either. Jack looks at his watch nervously, but Boone shakes his head.

“We still have time. Don’t worry. Listen, now, this is between you and me and I shouldn’t really be here and I sure as hell hope no one finds out, but… Jack, what the fuck are you doing?”

Boone looks him straight in the eyes and the problem is that he doesn’t look angry or annoyed or anything; he looks plainly concerned and that’s what makes Jack want to faint and avoid the answer.

“What... what do you mean?”

Boone chuckles and shakes his head. “I mean a lot of things. I don’t mean that you aren’t doing the right thing. You... you kind of are and you all need to be back so I’m not referring to that but Jack... I’ve been... keeping an eye on you.”

“You’ve been what?”

“Keeping-an-eye-on-you. Why, Charlie does it with Hurley, but it’s... different. I mean, you were... your dad’s business, let’s say. Keeping an eye was the best I could manage. I was there the whole time. Actually I showed up now, but I shouldn’t have.”

Jack nods, completely struck, not knowing if he should feel enraged or flattered; after all, it isn’t too hard to guess why Boone would have stuck around him (and since when dead people blush?), and if he understood what he meant, he also should know why he has never seen him. Until now.

“Why, then?”

“Because I needed to ask you that. What the fuck are you doing?”

“For example?”

“To say one, yesterday evening.”

Jack suddenly blushes, remembering the feeling of Kate’s hand jerking him off, remembering how she refused anything beyond that, remembering how he just said yes, fine, whatever, as long as you stay. Not exactly what he should have done, and he knows she’s like that and he always ends up at the same point, but still.

“You can’t... fuck, Jack, I’m hardly the right person to tell you this, but you do realize that the one who is your family here, as you say, is Aaron, and that she’ll be back to the whole push and pull between you and Sawyer as soon as you’re back?”

Jack should be enraged but there are two reasons for which instead he feels ashamed; the first is that Boone is blushing so hard that his whole cheeks became quickly pink, so pink and healthy and alive, and the second is that Boone is right. Last night he was just desperate for her touch, so glad to find out she was there, so relieved that finally someone wasn’t turning his back on him (I’ve always been with you, he remembers) that he just didn’t question it. Not like it was right, now it’s as clear as it could be, but it hadn’t mattered at the moment. It hadn’t because after all he still wanted her, so much that it hurt if he just thought about it, and it was better than nothing.

But it wasn’t right. It hadn’t even felt right.

“And the other thing... I know you don’t exactly have much of a choice now but Jack. Also if it’s not only you here but anyway, do you really think you can trust Benjamin Linus of everyone?”

Jack is about to answer but Boone raises a hand and stops him.

“I know he’s your ticket back but both you and Sun... you do realize who is that we’re talking about? You aren’t questioning a thing, you’re just there buying everything he says and while he’s right on Jin being alive, at least half of everything he has told you since you met him in the parlor is a lie. And I think you know the guy well enough already so why the hell do you trust him so much? I might even get Sun, but you? I’d just like to know. We can’t exactly read minds.”

He falls silent then, and Jack doesn’t really know what he should add; or maybe, he knows, but it’d imply actually saying it out loud and he doesn’t think he can, he doesn’t think it’s something he can actually do. Because the point is that Boone is right, but he’s tired, he doesn’t know what the hell he should do anymore, he isn’t alright, not at all, he wants a fucking drink and then a surprisingly warm hand closes around his shaking left one, gently, without pressure or anything.

“Hey. It’s alright. You can tell me, I’m not biting you. As I said before.”

“But... how can it be... I mean, you shouldn’t...”

“Be able to touch you, huh? Don’t go asking me. We tried to figure it out ages ago but we don’t have an idea. Our hair and nails grow but... well, you can try to take my pulse, but don’t freak out on me.”

Jack nods and does and there’s no pulse. Also, he’s kind of starting to feel cold in here and small puffs of air leave his lips, but it’s pretty much clear that Boone isn’t exactly breathing and that if it’s cold, he doesn’t sense it. Jack’s other hand tentatively touches his chest where his heart should be; it meets silence. Boone shrugs just a bit and Jack doesn’t freak out. Not really.

“So?”

“I don’t know if I can. Tell you, I mean.”

“Well, try me. You might never know.”

“I... I just... I know I got everything wrong from when we started lying but...” Jack takes a breath, a deep one, figuring he can just do it. Maybe. If the butcher doesn’t arrive just now. “She... I just was missing her, had been for… a while I guess, and I know, but I’m tired and no one will fucking listen to me except him, he was the only one who...”

“Hey. Slow down?”

Jack doesn’t dare opening his eyes. He doesn’t want to meet Boone’s eyes and he thinks he might start crying if he opens them anyway.

“It’s just... I know it’s all my fault and I’m trying, I am, but it looks like nothing works and last night I just...”

“Jack. Jack, just look at me, alright?”

Jack does, and it takes some effort, and it meets crystal clear blue, as concerned as it looked before, and the other hand takes his free wrist, Boone’s thumb right exactly where his pulse is.

“Forget it.”

“What?”

“It’s not your fault. Maybe part of it is, but if you think this is all your fault, just forget it. It isn’t. And he... John doesn’t think it was either.”

“How did you...”

“Jack, you always blame yourself for everything. Why wouldn’t you have read that letter already then? Give me some credit here. Hey, with this reasoning then me being dead would be your fault and not mostly his, but let’s just avoid that. This isn’t about me.”

Jack doesn’t ask him how does he know what would Locke say about all this, he’s sure Boone is the one with the better information here; he just nods barely and bites his lip, not moving his hands from where they are. He’s going crazy, he knows he is, because he’s standing in front of a counter in a fucking butcher shop, with a coffin a few feet behind him, drinking the words of a person who died under his hands three years ago just because he’s saying everything he needs to hear. But he’s also saying things Jack doesn’t want to hear, not ever, and it’s the only thing keeping him from thinking he’s hallucinating this all.

“I mean... you’re doing the right thing, but I’d like to see you doing it with your head, not because Ben or Kate are fucking with yours. Sorry, that was...”

“No. No, it wasn’t. I think... well, maybe I needed to hear it. Not that I can do much by this point.”

“You can’t, but from this point, you could.”

“Shit, why couldn’t you show up earlier?” he mutters, realizing that Boone’s warm, supposedly long dead and gone body is just so close, so close.

There’s a low laugh, just there near his ear.

“Believe me, I wish I could have. But against your dad... man, that’s no match.”

Suddenly Jack sees it all and he thinks he might faint.

“Wait. You mean... some of you have been assigned to... each of us?”

“Yeah. Charlie got Hurley, Claire... well, she isn’t dead but she has Kate, Ana is with Sayid and we figured we’d leave Sun alone.”

“So you...”

“... yeah. I tried. All I got was permission to watch. I really shouldn’t be showing up now but your dad has more pressing matters to take care of. Fuck, it was horrible. I mean, I was there and couldn’t do a thing and now I just... listen, death sucks. It really sucks. We’re already too many and I’m not so sure that if you all don’t get your stuff straight the number won’t raise up. I know you’re not alright and I totally get that you’d go along with the one person giving you some support but... just, not like this. I can’t see it.”

The last sentence is half choked up but Jack gets it alright and it’s so, so, so crazy but he suddenly feels lighter, because really, when the only person who believes you is Benjamin Linus, hearing it from him has just a whole other effect. But more than that...

I mean, I was there and couldn’t do a thing.

Suddenly he remembers sometimes waking up with a blanket draped over him which he didn’t remember from the night before (but well, he was more or less always wasted, it wasn’t the kind of thing you think about), he remembers the apartment looking somewhat cleaner once in a while, a number of stupid and small things which he never put together but that now make sense, if...

And he feels touched and suddenly he can’t bear to think that a dead person would give a damn while no one else had (right, fine, his fault too, nothing to say) except for Ben who of course has his own agenda and fuck, suddenly Boone’s lips are over his, still, just there.

So, now Jack is pretty much kissing someone whose heart doesn’t beat and who should be nothing short than a ghost but who is exceptionally tangible indeed, a few feet from a coffin, in a fucking butcher shop.

It’s so crazy that he doesn’t even give it a thought, it surely can’t be fucking crazier than this thing about returning to the island on another plane; he kisses back and his hands go on Boone’s hips, pushing him against Jack’s. Two arms lock around his neck, his legs close around Jack’s thighs in an iron grip, and while there’s no heartbeat against his chest and this is all wrong it’s also so right that Jack just sighs and doesn’t even try to wrap his head around how is it possible, how can Boone actually weigh, how can his tongue feel so warm and real as it maps every inch of Jack’s mouth like he was starved for it.

“Fuck,” Boone mutters when they part, and Jack would rather kiss him again and think about everything else later, but Boone shakes his head. “She’s coming. I’ll be... I’ll be on the truck.”

Jack takes a breath and then there’s just thin air under his hands; he groans in frustration but three seconds later Ben’s friend tells him the truck is ready for him.

--

He turns the key, closing the back door; the coffin lies in the van’s back now and Jack represses a shudder. He takes a look at his watch; it’s still early. He doesn’t have to be in the airport for another four hours. Suddenly he feels dizzy and his frame shakes. Canton Ram – Carpet Cleaning reads on the side of the van, almost surreal in the sunlight; carpet cleaning. Yes. Of course.

He opens the driver’s door; the passenger’s seat is empty.

He turns the key and starts the van; he turns on the radio and while he doesn’t catch who’s singing, the lyrics make him almost throw up.

... all dead, all the dreams we had, and I wonder why I still live on, all dead, all dead, and alone I’m spared, my sweeter half instead, all dead, and gone.. .

He’d be quick to change station but a hand takes his wrist and stops him; he almost crashes the van into the side of the road as he gasps and meets Boone’s eyes and red, freshly kissed lips.

“Sorry. I couldn’t exactly let her see me. So, what about parking this thing someplace quiet? And leave that be. It’s a nice song.”

“Who... who the hell’s...”

“Queen. Not really famous though, it’s strange they’d have it on the radio.”

Jack shrugs. He thinks he only knows some very famous stuff and for all he remembers, Freddie Mercury never sounded like that, not as the low, gentle voice sings all dead, all dead, but I should not grieve, in time it comes to everyone.

“It isn’t Freddie Mercury, if you’re wondering. It’s Brian May. You know, Charlie would have given you quite the lecture.”

Jack has to let out a strangled laugh as he reaches a semi-desert parking lot and pulls the car in. Isn’t that the truth.

But in hope I breathe, of course I don’t believe you’re dead, and gone. All dead, and gone.

He shuts the radio off as he turns the key; the engine is silent and Jack turns to his right, his eyes fixed on those lips, which are almost begging to be kissed. There’s a second, then their eyes meet and then he has somehow managed to climb over the gear and he’s thankful that this is a van and that there’s quite a lot of space between the passenger seat and the dashboard; Boone pulls a lever up on his left and the seat quietly moves backwards, enough for Jack to be as comfortable as it gets. His lips meet Boone’s again and then he doesn’t think he understands what the hell is he doing; he just knows that it feels good and that Boone’s tongue is there again, that his hands are in Jack’s hair and on his face pulling him closer, that he’s taking his jacket off as Kate did last night but it’s different. It’s fun, how she might not be the dead one, but last night her eyes looked empty and hollow and way less alive than his are looking now, blue and almost watery and wide and concerned and then Jack closes his and lets him do whatever he wants. They’re still kissing as Jack’s shirt lands in the back of the van and if he concentrates, he thinks he can feel Boone’s skin heat up even if he doesn’t know if it’s an impression or not. He’s warm though, much warmer than before; Jack slides the tank top over his arms and throws it in the back, too, not caring if seriously, dead people wear real clothes now? as Boone’s mouth leaves a trail of kisses along his neck and his hands undo Jack’s belt.

Jack suddenly realizes this isn’t going to stop before they go the whole way and the idea that they’ll be fucking in Ben’s van makes him feel dizzy and his head spin and as Boone’s hand rest on his hips he can’t help laughing, shaking his head in disbelief.

“What?” Boone breathes, his mouth mere inches from Jack’s.

“Nothing. It’s just... the place.”

“Oh. Well, yeah. Guess he wouldn’t exactly like it.”

Or maybe he’d have cameras, Jack thinks repressing a shiver.

“Then again, who cares. Right?”

Jack has to nod because really, who cares. It almost feels perversely good, doing it here, and he might as well embrace it; he’s hard, so hard that it aches, and licks his lips as Boone gets rid of his trousers and Jack’s eyes take in lean muscles and smooth skin, not a mark on it if not for some red spots, already fading, left by his fingers’ pressure. He remembers it broken and bloody and then he shakes his head and tries not to think about it, not when Boone spreads his legs and nods at him, hands gripping Jack’s shoulders. Jack spits in his hands, realizing that it wouldn’t be nearly enough, but Boone shakes his head and nods at him and Jack figures that feeling pain wouldn’t really matter in his position.

He’s slow and almost holding himself back as he pushes in, but then Boone thrusts his hips up, his frame colliding with Jack’s, and that’s it, that’s just it and suddenly nothing matters anymore apart from Boone’s warm body against his on the seat, not the circumstances, not the place, not anything; Boone meets his thrust almost eagerly, moaning in his ear, almost music for all Jack is concerned. Boone gasps when Jack’s fingers wrap around his cock, then he’s even closer if so is possible, red, wet lips nibbling at the skin on his neck, and Jack suddenly realizes that he needs to hear it again.

“Say it.”

“What?”

“What you said before. On the counter.”

“Jack, I... said a... a lot of... oh. I... oh, I think I’ve got it.”

“Do you?”

Boone barely nods and his mouth is next to Jack’s ear as Jack pushes further, feeling like he’s burying himself in Boone and really, it doesn’t even sound morbid in his head.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Boone whispers then, and that was it, that’s when Jack definitely loses it and increases his speed, his hand stroking along with his thrusts and it feels so good, just so good, best that ever was really; it wouldn’t last enough even if it lasted hours, days even, not when just nothing matters and he comes when Boone says it again and then again and each time it almost sounds like a blessing. Jack writhes and shakes and feels his orgasm rip through all of his body, and then he barely feels Boone coming hard against his hand, shaking half as much as he is but undone nonetheless, his cheeks pink and his lips swollen, curved in a satisfied and fond smile before a hand reaches his face and he kisses Jack firmly, almost chastely, and it’s enough to make him feel completely undone if he wasn’t before.

“Could you... how much can you...” he mouths a minute or so after, neither of them moving.

“Stay? A while. Guess until you have to go.”

Jack looks at his watch. There’s some time still. Not enough, not really, not when he feels tired and it takes an effort to at least slip outside; Boone half shakes his head and an arm is suddenly around his shoulders.

“I’m waking you up in half an hour. Get some sleep.”

Reading my mind indeed, Jack thinks for a second, but then he just lets it go, closes his eyes and doesn’t really care about anything else if not the feather touch of a couple of fingertips over his hair.

--

Boone does shake him awake half an hour later; he feels slightly better and it takes a while before he manages to dress again. Boone’s clothes are magically back in their place; he doesn’t dare asking how. He still feels high from before.

“If you want to get started I’ll stay until we get there.”

Jack nods and starts the van again; the radio turns on accordingly. Queen again. Always the guitarist.

... my love this cannot be, for so many years have gone though I'm older but a year, your mother's eyes from your eyes cry to me, don't you hear my call though you're many years away, don't you hear me calling you, all the letters in the sand cannot heal me like your hand, all my life still ahead, pity me...

“This guy surely doesn’t know how to write a cheerful song,” he mutters as he changes the station. He leaves the radio be as soon as he finds some station broadcasting neutral, instrumental jazz.

“Well, maybe not,” Boone agrees as he looks on his right for a second. His hand goes on Jack’s wrist again. It stays there. Jack doesn’t say anything.

--

He dreads the sight of LAX when it appears in front of him; he doesn’t think he’s ready to give this up.

“Do you really have to go?”

“Flattered, but... yes. Sorry. But... I’m not exactly going, you know.”

Jack looks at him, still sitting on the passenger’s seat, his hair out of place.

“You mean that...”

“I might be dead, but I’m not... gone or anything. You can’t see me but I’m there. I just am.”

“Will I... ever see you again?”

“I wish I knew. Maybe. If it was for me... but it isn’t. I don’t know. Not very helpful, but that’s all I got.”

“It’s enough.”

Fuck, Jack thinks, now I’ve always been with you takes a whole other meaning. “Thank you,” he adds soon after. “For... everything I guess.”

“Well, I’m flattered, but I wasn’t doing anything that I...” he stops for a second, licks his lips, looks up at Jack again. “It wasn’t nothing I wasn’t.... longing for already.”

Jack would say something, needs to, but then Boone smiles that fond smile at him, he’s suddenly gone and Jack is left with Ben’s van, a casket and Locke’s letter.

He takes a breath, figuring he’s going to read it on the plane. Fuck, he really needs to put his thoughts straight; he figures he’ll just go with the flow for now, it’s too late to do anything else, but he makes a point of asking Kate about Aaron nonetheless as soon as he gets a chance (if she shows up at all). What the hell was he thinking yesterday evening, indeed.

As he closes the van’s door before heading to the airport and proceeding with the whole casket business, he can swear that something has changed in the air and not for the worse. He adjusts his tie looking in the rear view mirror of the van and for a second it looks like there was a shadow behind him. He turns and there isn’t, seemingly.

Dead, alright, but definitely not gone; it’s so relieving a thought, so relieving that he can’t even begin to put it into words.

End.
 
 
feeling: blankblank
on rotation: your long journay - robert plant and alison krauss
 
 
 
siluria: Lost_Boonesiluria on February 20th, 2009 09:04 pm (UTC)
Damn - why didn't they have this missing scene in that ep?????? I love your pairing - after that description I really did have to read it and it was very nice indeed!!!
the female ghost of tom joad: lost constantjanie_tangerine on February 20th, 2009 09:20 pm (UTC)
Thaaank you so much! LOL, well, glad I lured you into my-pairing-land. ;) Oh, do I wish for that missing scene, too... but one does what she can, right? I'm definitely glad you liked this, thanks again!
elliotsmelliot: Booneelliotsmelliot on February 20th, 2009 09:24 pm (UTC)
Great work! I hope this was a cathartic as your recent Locke/Boone fic.

Last night he was just desperate for her touch, so glad to find out she was there, so relieved that finally someone wasn’t turning his back on him (I’ve always been with you, he remembers) that he just didn’t question it.

Thank you for this explanation. I haven’t been able to make sense of his behaviour until now.

Jack’s other hand tentatively touches his chest where his heart should be; it meets silence.

This was a great description. There were so many moments where I felt like I was Jack observing and touching Boone’s dead and living self.

“It wasn’t your fault,”

This is so perfect. Of course, Jack would get off in this. Plus the line has so many meanings within the Boone/Jack history. In many ways Jack’s coupling with Boone is just as needy as what he did with Kate. The main difference is that Boone was giving while Kate was taking.

“It’s enough.”

Sigh, I love that line in any context.

Dead, alright, but definitely not gone

Great use of Queen and a nice rip of the dead, but here vibe.

P.S. I’m glad you had them do it in the van and not in the meat locker.
the female ghost of tom joad: lost boone OMG THE PRETTYjanie_tangerine on February 20th, 2009 10:19 pm (UTC)
The meat locker was the first idea but 1) meat grosses me out a lot 2) I didn't really like it 3) considering the circumstances, in order not to get them caught by Ben's friend it'd have to happen in ten seconds or something. The van was way more comfortable and less gross, not to mention saner.

Oh, it was. Cathartic writing has its uses indeed, also because while Jack won't ever make me mad as Locke, the more Jack/Kate happens the more I want to break my head against a wall. Glad my explanation made sense, I wouldn't have an idea of why he'd do it otherwise.

What you said about the Boone vs Kate coupling is exactly what I wanted to do here. No, it doesn't show what side am I on here, does it? I just could see Jack getting off on that line. Not to mention that I never saw Boone as the one who ends up taking during sex when it isn't no strings attached. Thank you so much indeed, I'm really happy that you enjoyed it! ♥
Emily: boone/jackemiliglia on February 20th, 2009 10:21 pm (UTC)
I'm just going to pretend this is canon, okay? *happy sigh*
the female ghost of tom joad: lost jack/boonejanie_tangerine on February 20th, 2009 10:43 pm (UTC)
Oh, I'm pretending with you -nodnod- *sighs too*. They surely aren't making our life easier, are they? *eyes writers badly*
missy_useless: jack/boonemissy_useless on February 20th, 2009 11:08 pm (UTC)
Oh my god! I love this and I love you and OMG! *squee*

First of all, the songs you chose are perfect for this (and they are also two of my favourite songs ever, so ... yeah ;)).

I love your description of Boone sitting on the counter. And I love their conversation and the touching and the sex and ... you know. Everything. Can this be canon? Please?

“It wasn’t your fault,”

This is perfect and so meaningful (for Jack and the whole situation and the relationship between Jack and Boone).

Oh, and I loved it that they did it in Ben's van. Two reasons: Firstly, it would have been rather creepy and gross in the meat locker; and secondly, yay, Ben's van! (And yeah, I know you despise Ben; and yes, I understand what you actually wanted to express (and it worked, even for me ;)). But ah, Ben. And: but I’m tired and no one will fucking listen to me except him, he was the only one who...) *coughs* Sorry, but I needed to say that. Just ignore this, okay? ;)

Thank you so much for this fic; it's wonderful! :D ♥
the female ghost of tom joad: lost jack/boonejanie_tangerine on February 20th, 2009 11:29 pm (UTC)
Oh, you know I totally ♥ you too, right? ;)

HA, I knew I was choosing the right ones! Seriously, at one point I was tempted to use I Want It All VERY literally, then I decided against. I have my limits, too. ;)

If this stuff was canon I'd be a much happier girl, that's for sure... *sighs*

(Ha, I was sure you were going to appreciate the Ben stuff in here. And it's not like I despise him, he's a good villain, I just don't like him to mindfuck with my people. ;) ;) also, meat grosses me out. Blah. The meat locker option lasted ten seconds or so. ;) )

You're totally welcome, I'm definitely glad you liked it! ♥ ♥ ♥
a geek in such the wrong way: lost- A-team-search mehaldoor on February 21st, 2009 02:12 am (UTC)
I am trying not to look, because I need an explanation of what '316' actually is. Does this refer to series 3, ep 16 or is it a title from S5? I'm afraid I'm so very careful these days because of being so far behind and I definitely hate being spoiled. Would you mind pointing it out in the header in future, if you are referring to S5, please, cos I get so confused otherwise (and I never remember titles of episodes anyway). Thanks! ;-)
the female ghost of tom joad: lost a-teamjanie_tangerine on February 21st, 2009 10:14 am (UTC)
Ouch, it's S5. Sorry, I pointed it out on the header in communities and I said on the A/N that there were spoilers for the last episode so I thought I'd save myself the editing here because I had already posted it and I'm lazy like that but I should have done it. Sorry again, I hope you didn't get spoiled here.
a geek in such the wrong way: firefly-that went wellhaldoor on February 21st, 2009 10:00 pm (UTC)
It's okay - I apologise for being such a dork! You didn't spoil me, as I did pause, thankfully. Remind me to come back once I've seen this episode! *hugs*
the female ghost of tom joad: ♥janie_tangerine on February 22nd, 2009 11:05 pm (UTC)
Nah, you aren't a dork, it happens. ;) *hugs*
Janice: mattjaydblu on February 22nd, 2009 03:44 am (UTC)
I love the way you filled in the missing pieces that we didn't see! Once again, you're written everything believably and perfectly. I too am glad the meat locker scene was brief, because yeah, it was kind of disgusting in there, too icky for the pretty that followed. And I love the Jack/Boone van! sex, it was very very hot. Great as usual!
the female ghost of tom joad: lost jack/boone shipper denialjanie_tangerine on February 22nd, 2009 11:04 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! Ah, sure, it happened! It's in the deleted scenes! *sigh* I'm really glad this ended up being believable and yes, the meat locker was too gross. Blah. I hate raw meat. The pretty needed more comfort. ;) Thanks again, glad you enjoyed it! ♥
alemyrddin: Jack smilealemyrddin on February 23rd, 2009 12:22 pm (UTC)
I love this. Someone needs to take care of Jack. The fact that BEN was the one to tell him it wasn't his fault is all shades of wrong.
Trust Ben to know what to say to manipulate people.

But Jack wouldn't be in that situation if someone else cared for him, for real. I remembered wanting desperately Claire to know that she was his sister because then she could love him unconditionally. That is never going to happen now (all things aside, I think Claire will be angry at Jack for forgetting so easily about Aaron).

So it was so good to have Boone fill that role. I always love how you write Boone - more mature and self-confident. It's tragic, but death made him stronger.

Favorite bits:

Jack should be enraged but instead he feels ashamed
Because, yes! If someone pointed that out, Jack would be ashamed, because that's exactly how he is. This is why I long so much for someone to care enough to tell him that.

Then, the scene where Jack finally tells him and I know, but I’m tired and no one will fucking listen to me except him... aww. *hugs him*

And this line, too, because you captured Kate so perfectly.
It’s fun, how she might not be the dead one, but last night her eyes looked empty and hollow and way less alive than his are looking now

Sorry about the rambling - but it's your fault, you get me thinking, and empathizing so much with the characters. ;)
Great job, as always.
the female ghost of tom joad: lost jack **janie_tangerine on February 23rd, 2009 01:26 pm (UTC)
WORD on the whole first paragraph of what you said. YES, yes, yes. That'd be my opinion and seriously, Ben is not who I want up for the task *shakes head*. And also, rambling makes me happy so ramble at me as much as you like. ;)

Also word about the Claire situation. I think that by now is too wretched to repair, even if it'd be easier to know with an idea of what Claire is up to.

Hee, I love my man when I make his potential justice, glad you liked him here! I was trying not to make it too similar to that other dead-but-also-here one but I needed to have at least the same basics. It's tragic that he'd have to become more self-confident after he dies but it''s the only way I see it.

I'm seriously wondering how is it that no one tells him that. I mean, Ben wouldn't, but hell, Hurley? I can see that Sayid would have his own stuff to deal with and Kate is the last person but I mean, geez. I think he needs someone to tell him just that and well, if they don't do it I do it. And for a good measure, *hugs him after you're done*.

And glad you also liked Kate in there too, I wanted to keep her presence at a minimum but I did try. ;) Thanks so much, I'm so glad you liked it! ♥
faran1078: Will Archerfaran1078 on March 4th, 2009 02:04 pm (UTC)
Always happy to see Boone fic!

Great dialogue - very LOST like. You know how the writers have the characters always talk "around" something and rarely come right out and say what they mean. I feel that you've done that here. Like with the line “I wish I knew. Maybe. If it was for me... but it isn’t. I don’t know. Not very helpful, but that’s all I got.” or “Not really. But also that.” It's all so vague, perfectly in keeping with the LOST verse. Sorry if I'm not exactly explaining myself clearly - I hope you get what I mean though.

Thanks for resurrecting Boone if only in fic - now if only his casket had been on flight 316...

the female ghost of tom joad: ian somerhalder OMGYES <3janie_tangerine on March 4th, 2009 02:19 pm (UTC)
Ha, thanks! I don't think I'm ever stopping ficcing him, as inventive as I need to get. ;)

Oh, you totally made sense here, I think I got it! You're right about people there never saying what they mean outright (and maybe if they did they'd be a lot less angsty but then where's the drama? *sigh*), I was trying to do the same thing actually.

And ha, yes. I'd have loved that casket to be in there indeed, it looks like it does work after all! *rolls eyes* And resurrecting Boone is my pleasure, he needs to be somewhere if not on the show. ;) Thanks, glad you enjoyed it!

(Also, Lost Samaritan icon, right? *waves at the sexiest accountant ever existed*)
teamane: Lost2teamane on March 8th, 2009 12:03 am (UTC)
Wonderful fic within the new season!
I haven't saw all eps yet, only bits, but the 'time leaps' thing is perfect for us to bring Boone back.
I have write a Jack/Boone fic with Boone as a ghost too *happy grin* And they had a good time either, lol.

I loved it. I hope you'll write more Jack/Boone fics. I have miss them very much.
:D
the female ghost of tom joad: lost jack/boone <3 <3 <3janie_tangerine on March 8th, 2009 12:24 am (UTC)
About the last thing, I have another three coming. ;) One shortly and the other two when I manage to finish them but I'm not stopping to write those two anytime soon.

And thanks so much! Seriously, they're making me want to kill them because with all this time traveling stuff there still isn't any Boone cameo *sigh* and I need to break my head to fit it in, so definitely glad to hear I worked well with the canon. I just wish they caught the occasion, you know? The new season is good even if crazier than usual, which says everything. And ha, great minds think alike. ;) Thanks again, glad you enjoyed this!
the awkward young shadow: find me a pengwape on April 4th, 2009 07:42 am (UTC)
Long time lurker, first time commenter. I have read a lot of your Jack/Boone fics and since they're my favorite LOST pairing ever I'm really happy about the way you do them justice and love it when you post something new! I hope you don't mind if I friend so I can keep up with your fics.
the female ghost of tom joad: lost otpjanie_tangerine on April 4th, 2009 09:53 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you so much! And of course I don't mind, friend away! Hey, I barely have people on my FL who ship it, that's awesome! ♥ And thanks so much, glad you think I make them justice!