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24 March 2009 @ 12:41 am
fic, Lost: On Two Different Sides (dead!Boone, the O6), PG13, for un_love_you  
So, this isn't exactly what I had hoped to finish but hey, I did finish one. Maybe now I'll also finish the others.

Title: On Two Different Sides
Rating: PG13
Characters: dead!Boone, the Oceanic 6 (there's some kinda Jack/Boone thrown in the end)
Words: 700
Summary: He wishes Sun hadn’t been there; he wishes he could do something; he wishes Aaron wasn't born when he was born; he wishes he understood her; he wishes he could resent Sayid; he wishes he had died when the beechcraft fell.
Spoilers: nothing beyond the S4 flashforwards.
Disclaimer: Lost is not mine. Boone wouldn't be dead *rolls eyes*.
A/N: for un_love_you #17, wish I didn't love you. The first five sections are drabbles, the last is 200 words because I just couldn't be brief. I don't have an idea of where it came from but hey, it was cooperating, I went with it. Nothing of the happy sort.

He wishes Sun hadn’t been there; he could afford not to care.

He sees Sun grieving and getting angrier as the time passes (for her; not really for him) and ends up remembering her on his death bed. Charlie told him it was then that she had reconnected with Jin; Boone can't recall it but knowing that something good had come out of it had made him as happy as it gets when you’re dead. He wishes he could show up, tell Sun that Jin is alive, but there are rules. He can't.

He really wishes he could ignore it.

--

He wishes he could do something.

He likes Hurley. He really genuinely likes him and sure as hell Hurley doesn’t deserve what he got. Definitely not a mental institute, perpetual bad luck and everything else in between. Boone goes to Santa Rosa sometimes; they’ll talk, he tries not to be too negative, sometimes they’ll play some board game.

But really, Charlie is the only one who is any good at the cheering up business.

It doesn’t exactly hurt, not anymore, but still, he wishes he could do something. And he can’t, just like he never could when he was alive.

--

He wishes Aaron wasn't born when he was born.

He's ashamed of feeling jealous when around the kid, especially if Charlie is there, too; but, could he explain how it feels? After all, Aaron’s rescue is what Charlie chose to die for. Boone never chose death, not until he could deny the inevitable; it’s coincidental, sure, but someone being born just as he died sounds too much like fate's last slap in his face. Like he couldn’t even get his death for himself but had to share.

Boone really wishes he could get past it, give a damn. He can't.


--

He wishes he understood her.

But Boone never really understood Kate, not when he was alive, not now that he’s dead. She’s a mystery to him, some unknown quantity in an equation; at times, before, he had envied her because she was everything he couldn’t ever be, but right now she envies her mostly the fact that she goes for a run every morning. If he was alive, he doubts that he could do the same thing.

He also envies her the fact that she's in the position to get Jack's phone calls; so much for trying to let go.

--

He wishes he could resent Sayid.

He’d have the reasons, but they are more Shannon’s than his own; their mess was hardly Sayid’s fault back then. Ana is the one around him and Boone figures it’s alright. She got lucky with her assignment. Shannon isn’t happy with it, but Boone can’t hate him. Not when thinking about Sayid makes him want to cry when he can’t physically do it.

He wishes Sayid's downward spiral felt like revenge; it just feels bleak and unfair and nothing he'd wish on his worst enemy; he can't deny that it never was Sayid's position.

--

He wishes he had died when the beechcraft fell.

Not because of his subsequent agony, but because then Jack would have just been someone he had crushed on once. He hadn’t died and Jack had become the only person who hadn’t given up on him, the one person who ever put him first for once and who ever gave a damn and the reason he hadn’t died alone.

If he had died before, his still heart wouldn’t break into a thousand pieces every time he sees Jack like this. Seeing Jack swallow Oxycodone pills like mints tears him apart and he can’t do anything for him because Jack is his dad’s business only. Boone had tried; bad luck, again.

He’s dead; he shouldn’t feel much. But as he sneaks in when Christian has to be back on the island and Jack isn’t home and throws away empty bottles, leaves a pillow on the couch, just keeps an eye and maybe leaves the windows a bit open before Jack gets back, he doesn’t fool himself.

Loving a living person who behaves like a walking dead is so painful and so much of a cruel joke that he really wishes he didn’t.

End.
 
 
feeling: blahblah
on rotation: still I long for your kiss - lucinda williams
 
 
 
Emily: boone/jackemiliglia on March 24th, 2009 12:49 am (UTC)
Poor Boone, having to watch Jack self-destruct with nothing he could do about it. :( I liked the flow to this - well done!
the female ghost of tom joad: lost otpjanie_tangerine on March 24th, 2009 07:19 am (UTC)
Thanks so much! I don't know why I'm so evil to the poor guy but I do it out of love, I swear. ;) Thanks again, glad you liked it!
intastella burst: thinking of you -- jack shephardangela_weber on March 24th, 2009 01:11 am (UTC)
Wow, I LIKE! And this coming from someone who never really gave Boone all that much thought. But you made me really enjoy him here; I love how you look at his character through the prisms of all these different people, and I especially liked the hints of Jack/Boone--not really a pairing I've ever seen, but it's definitely interesting, and that last line is so perfect and so painful.

the female ghost of tom joad: lost post!nirvana!jackjanie_tangerine on March 24th, 2009 07:24 am (UTC)
Oh, WONDERFUL! Even better if you didn't give him much thought, that always makes my day. ;) J/B actually is my ship and it should show how lucky I get usually but these days it isn't around a lot. If I sold that I'm definitely happy to hear it. Thank you so much, I'm so glad you enjoyed this!
bachlavabachlava on March 24th, 2009 03:06 am (UTC)
Oh, wow. This is such a sad and insightful little glimpse into the afterlife of Boone's psyche - I can absolutely see how he'd relate to all of these people in this way, how his own ambition and lack of self-confidence would echo throughout his afterlife. Boone, when he was alive, had so much unexpressed potential - potential that could and would have come through had things gone differently, I think. You've done a lovely job of bringing that out here.
the female ghost of tom joad: lost rousseau winsjanie_tangerine on March 24th, 2009 07:26 am (UTC)
Your second to last line = marry me. Really. Because that's it. *sigh* I do have a life mission though, right? ;) Thanks so much! I'm really happy that you liked this whole thing, I tried to be as fair as possible to everyone in there and I figured he'd have an opinion, 'yknow. And I always figured that the guy wouldn't exactly change in the afterlife, he was just too wired up like that. Thanks so much again! ♥
Janice: mattjaydblu on March 24th, 2009 02:29 pm (UTC)
Oh, wow, this is good good good! It's also really heartbreaking. Awww, Boone.

Hmmm, his lips are looking kind of lush in your "blah" icon.
the female ghost of tom joad: lost boone dead but PRETTYjanie_tangerine on March 24th, 2009 05:27 pm (UTC)
Oh, his lips are kinda always lush... not that I mind. *dies and sighs* Better that I change subject or this comment becomes NC17 rated. ;)

Thanks so much, I'm definitely glad you think so! And I just can't help it, y'know? I need to resuscitate him for real more often.
elliotsmelliot: Booneelliotsmelliot on March 24th, 2009 04:55 pm (UTC)
Even in death Boone is all about longing and self-reflection, and trying to do something. You captured that so well. He feels so restless.

He wishes Aaron wasn't born when he was born.

This was my favourite line!

Great work!
the female ghost of tom joad: lost boone OMG THE PRETTYjanie_tangerine on March 24th, 2009 05:33 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much! See, I just don't think he could leave things alone. Even if for his mental sanity maybe he should.

(Wanna know something? That was my favorite too. That section actually. It was sort of good to have it out.)

Thanks again, glad you liked it!
(Deleted comment)
the female ghost of tom joad: lost boone dead but PRETTYjanie_tangerine on March 25th, 2009 11:34 pm (UTC)
The Sun one was kind of the only way I could think about but the Aaron one wanted to be written since forever. And since TLP only worse so I just gave in. ;) Thanks so much, very glad that you liked it! I just think he couldn't stop worrying even dead, y'know. ♥