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24 April 2009 @ 11:46 pm
three gen ficlets for the alphabet meme (all lost; Jack, Sayid and Juliet)  
Other bunch for the alphabet meme. I swear I'll post something else, too. Anyway still nine letters if someone wants to grab a late prompt.

Title: Oxycontin Blues
Rating: PG13 because it's Nirvana!Jack
Characters: Jack
Words: 443
Summary: Jack's idea of a perfect evening, when it comes into practice, is usually spent on his mattress in his living room, with a bottle of cheap brandy on his right side, a flacon of Oxycontin on his left and Kurt Cobain for company.
Spoilers: set ideally a bit before the S3 finale flashforward.
Disclaimer: Lost is indeed not mine. There would have been more O6!Jack in his downward spiral if it was.
A/N: for emiliglia who wanted Jack and oxycontin. Title stolen from Steve Earle but the music within is all Nirvana references because I love my Nirvana!Jack so.

Jack doesn’t know when his perfect evening became an equation made of the fragile balance of five or so elements.

Jack's idea of a perfect evening, when it comes into practice, is usually spent on his mattress in his living room, with a bottle of cheap brandy on his right side, a flacon of Oxycontin on his left and Kurt Cobain for company. Maybe it happened some one month after Kate left, who knows. What he knows is that the mattress isn’t that uncomfortable when you’re adjusted to it, that the brandy might be cheap but it tastes good, that the Oxycontin helps not to worry and not to think, that his father probably doesn’t like Nirvana because he never appears when they’re on and that Kurt Cobain is one hell of a date.

Mostly, the only date he ever had who is fine with just keeping him company, never lets him down and has a thing for understanding what goes through his head. Maybe it’s just Jack’s impression and maybe it isn’t an exclusive thing, there are probably a lot of people that feel like Kurt Cobain understands them, but it’s fine. It doesn’t matter.

Tonight it’s him, half a bottle and Pennyroyal Tea, unplugged in New York for your consideration, and it really can’t get any better. He learned to be alright with a little.

Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea, I’m anemic royalty, his speakers proclaim in Kurt Cobain’s voice, and as Jack nods in agreement he opens the flacon slowly. A pill falls in his palm, a feather’s weight, round and small and white; he places it between his lips slowly, then brings the bottle to his mouth, takes a drink, swallows it down.

The brandy burns down his throat, the taste familiar and almost soothing; the song is over though, and that voice is almost soothing as it seamlessly slips into the following one. Jack closes his eyes and it sounds almost like it’s whispering we’ll float around and hang out on the clouds, then we’ll come down and have an hangover. And then his metaphorical date says that he thinks he’s dumb but maybe just happy and Jack is inclined to agree on the first part wholeheartedly. He doubts that the second is true, surely it isn’t for him, but if there’s a reason he gets along so well with Kurt Cobain is that they’re both liars (well, he was, but someway he still is).

Jack will just pretend this is some sort of happiness, too; after all, one has to make the best out of every situation, he thinks as his hand reaches for the second pill.

End.

Title: Devils And Dust
Rating: PG I guess
Characters: Sayid
Words: 610
Summary: Sayid never felt more aware of every wrong choice he made his whole life; the time he spent trying to be a decent person or a good man or at least not someone who harms innocent people looks like a pitiful loss of time.
Spoilers: for 5x10, He's Our You.
Disclaimer: God, no, not mine. I'd be richer.
A/N: for zelda_zee who wanted Sayid and innocence. Title stolen from a Springsteen song which probably has its influence.

He feels everything crashing back over him as soon as he fires the gun and Ben falls to the ground.

It’s sort of sick and twisted fun, thinking about it. While Sayid hasn’t felt like an innocent person since he was younger than Ben is now and while Ben is probably the one person he knows who is or was or will be or will not be even less of an innocent than Sayid himself, he has shot him when he really is an innocent. Sayid's lips are impossibly stretched and he bites his tongue hard enough to draw blood as the jungle almost embraces him in with dark and not really reassuring arms and he runs straight into it.

Sayid never felt more aware of every wrong choice he made his whole life; the time he spent trying to be a decent person or a good man or at least not someone who harms innocent people looks like a pitiful loss of time. He still runs, not wanting to stop because if he stops he will have to think and he can’t allow himself to think right now.

Once he was a fairly devout man. He never was a fanatic, but he had believed in his religion deeply and until Nadia died he could have counted on two hands the times in his life when he had drank alcohol. He still prayed while on the island, maybe thinking that there still was half a chance that one day he could look at himself in a mirror and not feel the weight of what he did on his shoulders; as he stops and leans against a tree, breathless, he thinks it was all for nothing.

When he pulled that trigger, there really wasn’t much faith behind it; he thinks he lost it the day Nadia was found dead on that sidewalk. Before, before he had thought the contrary; before he had thought that maybe even if he was doing another wrong thing (even if maybe he has done much worse, or perhaps not) his efforts had been rewarded. Wrong. He never was more wrong in his life. When he pulled that trigger for the greatest good that he ever served, it was the most wrong righteous stand he ever took all his life.

The air is warm, but he shivers and can’t help feeling chill running up his spine; he doesn’t think he has the courage of looking inside himself and face what he’s becoming, or already become (not only a killer, it'd be too easy if it was just that). He did what he had swore he’d never do; his own lack of innocence whatsoever had never prevented him from trying to preserve others’, but now it’s a concept crumbled into dust. He wonders if he shot Ben also out of fear, even if he doesn’t know of what; after all, in his case, the damage is already done. He doesn’t think he has a redeeming chance anymore, not after this, not even if the innocent child he shot more or less in cold blood was going to grow up to be the worst person Sayid ever knew. He won’t say far worse than Sayid ever was, though; at this point, he doesn’t even know.

He wonders what he would see into his eyes if he had a mirror. Nothing more than devils and dust, he imagines, and as he stands up again and walks more slowly, without really caring about the direction, he can’t think about how he is or he’s not going to cope.

Probably he is not, and he doesn’t want to know what happens now.

End.

Title: Lessons
Rating: PG
Characters: Juliet
Words: 661
Summary: See, the thing is that Juliet is nobody’s fool when it comes to other people trying either to make a fool out of her or fool her into doing something. Or at least, after being burned more than once, she doesn't think she be tricked anymore.
Spoilers: until 3x05.
Disclaimer: Lost is not mine, what news.
A/N: for missy_useless who wanted Juliet and fool. This is probably weird, but it wanted to be like this. Terrible title but it happens when I don't find any song to steal it from.

See, the thing is that Juliet is nobody’s fool when it comes to other people trying either to make a fool out of her or fool her into doing something. Or at least, after being burned more than once, she doesn't think she be tricked anymore.

She thinks she’s come to hate that word in all of its meanings. After all, his former husband’s new girlfriend had been fooling around him way before the divorce, he never lost an occasion to make a fool out of her after said divorce, she had been a fool when she told charming Mr. Alpert yes (but hey, wasn’t she fooled into thinking it’d only last six months?). And hasn’t Ben fooled her into staying at first and then… then. She remembers about the cancer and about a kid named after her somewhere in Los Angeles and shakes her head.

Now, she has learned the lesson just fine; after all, hasn’t she fooled around with a man who was married, too? She bites her tongue thinking about the day he went to join the tail section survivors. It’s better for her mental sanity if she doesn’t.

When Ben calmly explains what he intends to do with the three captives, she listens. She thinks she knows him enough to realize when he’s playing her and when he isn’t (or when he thinks he is) and when he says that if she helps convincing the plane’s doctor to operate he’ll let her go, she knows he’s trying to fool her; he won’t, of that she’s sure. It’s fine. She nods and smiles with all the calm in the world as Ben hands her his file.

Now, of course the plan is fooling Shephard into doing what Ben wants; Juliet doesn’t really see the need of all this effort, but when she reads the file she realizes he won’t be that easy to trick, if all the right buttons aren’t pushed. Sure, they have the other two for leverage should everything else not work, but she has a plan of her own.

Everything she does since she sets foot in the room where they keep Shephard with a tray in her hands is pretending because she’s going along with Ben’s plan, but she knows better. When she has a chance to be alone with him, she takes advantage of it. She lies straight-faced when she tells him she isn’t adjusted to death and she lies straight-faced to him through a lot of other things. Juliet sometimes feels a stab of pity for the man, who surely doesn’t deserve this treatment, but what he deserves is not what concerns her.

What concerns her is finding an excuse to borrow Tom’s video camera; she finds one and she spends three hours that night, closed in her room, preparing the cue cards and filming herself as she slowly slides them one by one (like that Bob Dylan video Rachel liked so much, she thinks for a second before straightening her face and keep it as expressionless as possible).

When the tape is ready, she labels it To Kill A Mockingbird with clear and spaced letters and she doesn’t feel much guilt knowing that tomorrow she will try to fool Jack into doing what she wants (she doesn’t even feel that guilty when the some of us she wrote on one of the cards probably counts for only her, Alex and her boyfriend; but some things are better left unsaid).

Three years ago she wouldn’t have had in her to do such a thing; but she hasn’t learned her lesson for nothing. She just hopes she has learned enough to carry it through all the way when she realizes that she has referred to him as Jack and not Shephard or the plane’s doctor in her head just a second ago, but she dismisses it as a slip and before going to bed she burns each of the cards she had written.

End.
 
 
feeling: sleepysleepy
on rotation: open all night - bon jovi
 
 
 
Zelda: Sayid You Were Right About Mezelda_zee on April 25th, 2009 06:25 am (UTC)
Wonderful Sayid ficlet, hon! I love it. I especially like the line about devils and dust at the end and of course the sad irony of the whole situation. Great job capturing Sayid at his worst moment. Thanks so much!
the female ghost of tom joad: approvedjanie_tangerine on April 25th, 2009 11:17 am (UTC)
Very much glad to comply, glad that you liked it! ♥ I kinda had wanted it to use that title for Sayid for months so I just went for it, but I thought it just fit a lot. Thanks so much!
missy_useless: julietmissy_useless on April 25th, 2009 11:26 am (UTC)
These are great gen ficlets, Janie! Very in-character and true, and I enjoyed reading all of them (though my favourites are the Jack and Juliet ones, but that's probably the fault of the characters - the Sayid ficlet is great, too). Nice use of my prompt, too. Thanks for writing this! :)
the female ghost of tom joad: lost julietjanie_tangerine on April 25th, 2009 09:45 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you so much! I'm so happy to hear it, and of course that you liked yours. It was a good prompt. ;) Thanks again, my pleasure!
Emily: jackemiliglia on April 25th, 2009 02:02 pm (UTC)
Eeee, I love mine! Well, I love all of them, but most especially mine because I wanted ANNNNNGST and you delivered so well. That first line is incredible - such a great hook!
the female ghost of tom joad: lost nirvana!jackjanie_tangerine on April 25th, 2009 09:48 pm (UTC)
Ha, I had guessed you wanted AAAANGST, so I tried my best. Good to know that I delivered! Thanks so much, very much glad that you liked them!
elliotsmelliot: Jack Julietelliotsmelliot on April 25th, 2009 03:04 pm (UTC)
Ugh, all of these make me feel so sad. Jack is so lost, and pathetic and teetering on the edge of losing himself completely. I liked the detail that Christian would stay away with Corbain on. The Sayid one is even more sad because unlike Jack there is nothing left for him. Good job capturing this moment. I would not have even dared get inside his head at that moment. All I see is blankness, but you went below that for the pain. The Juliet one is about overcoming her foolishness, but in hindsight I can't help wonder if she played herself for a fool with Jack and now Lafleur. In the end, I imagine she will be as screwed as Jack and Sayid were in your first two ficlets. Anyway, great insight on all these three characters.
the female ghost of tom joad: lost jack/julietjanie_tangerine on April 25th, 2009 09:54 pm (UTC)
Yeah, this was pretty much the angst fest, wasn't it? I'll carefully see to make the next bunch less bleak. Glad that you thought that Christian not liking Nirvana is fitting because even if I can't finish a larger Nirvana!Jack thing I hope to pull off sooner than later kind of started from there. Poor Jack is indeed completely at a loss, isn't he? And erll, I didn't dare get inside Sayid's head for good either, he has indeed seen better days. I think that in hindsight you're totally right and she played herself into a fool just fine, poor girl too. I hope she doesn't get as screwed as those other two though! Thank you, glad you liked them even with the angst overload. ♥
L: {lost} juliet not in portlandneated on April 26th, 2009 05:51 pm (UTC)
Oh that Juliet one. ouch. Oh I love her so and I love you for writing this. So good. And of course I approve of anything that is J/J in the tinyest bit. ♥
the female ghost of tom joad: lost jack/julietjanie_tangerine on April 26th, 2009 10:31 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much! ♥ And yours is coming soon btw. ;)
L: {lost} jack/juliet; madneated on April 27th, 2009 02:17 pm (UTC)
You're welcome. Weee, I'm excited. ♥
Creature Of Hobbit: never underestimate juliet burketellshannon815 on April 26th, 2009 06:12 pm (UTC)
Love all of these especially the Juliet one!
the female ghost of tom joad: lost julietjanie_tangerine on April 26th, 2009 10:31 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much! I thought it was the weakest one actually so much glad to hear it. ;)
weehobbit: LOST -- ben/sayid - what are you killingweehobbit on April 26th, 2009 10:36 pm (UTC)
Oh, I love these too! Poor Sayid :( With all the things he's done I don't think he can really let it all open and think about it or else he can't go on living. This brought to my mind the little moment between Ana Lucia and Sayid when he said they were both already dead. Angsty angst hurts me but I love it!

Juliet, darling! The last part in particular slays me knowing that Juliet is probably going to be hurt again D:
the female ghost of tom joad: lost sayid *g*janie_tangerine on April 27th, 2009 09:33 am (UTC)
Oh, thanks so much! Poor Sayid indeed, that man makes me want to cry if I think about the story of his life. Or something. Good catch with the Sayid/Ana scene!

And yeah, poor Juliet. She probably will, even if I still hope not. :(
halfdutch: Jack Drugs by iconseeyouhalfdutch on May 2nd, 2009 04:04 am (UTC)
Hey, catching up, hon! I especially love the Jack ficlet, I love the idea that Kurt Cobain keeps his father from appearing. And, of course, that he knows just how Kurt feels. Or vice versa. And I adore seeing the transformation of Juliet, how she becomes capable of deception, after having been deceived so often.

And the Sayid one... ouch. I so wonder what will happen to him now. How *do* you live with that?
the female ghost of tom joad: lost nirvana!jackjanie_tangerine on May 5th, 2009 08:09 pm (UTC)
Sorry for the lateness and thank you so much! And catching up is always great. ;)

Yay for what you said about the Jack one because I am planning a way longer thing centered around that so it's great to hear that the Cobain idea worked. I just figured there has to be a reason he has Nirvana in his car, right? ;) Glad also that you liked the other two and yeah, poor Sayid. Ouch indeed. I can't wait to see what's in store for him, even if I fear it won't be good. :/