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09 May 2011 @ 11:56 pm
fic, SPN: the Clint Eastwood effect (Dean/Castiel), NC17  
So I should have written five acts fic, but I edited stuff and then I edited this and so it'll be for tomorrow.

Title: the Clint Eastwood effect
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Word count: ∼9300
Rating: NC17
Spoilers: for the show - coda to 6x20, but it takes 6x18 a lot into account. Speculation for the finale, but nothing spoiler-based. And also spoilers going from mild to heavy for all the movies mentioned.
Warnings: none really.
Disclaimer: the aren't mine, sadly, the movies mentioned belong all to their respective owners and no, basically I just own the plot here.
Summary: wherein Castiel falls and Dean realizes that he had a lot of things wrong, and sets on putting a remedy to it. Also, wherein Dean introduces Castiel to the wonders of Clint Eastwood's filmography and wherein Castiel's second time as a human is way less miserable than the first was.
A/N: okay, so, twisting_vine_x asked for Castiel surprising Dean and wearing western gear at the drabble meme. This is obviously not a drabble (what news). Other than that, more than strictly the original prompt, is more of a 6x20 shameless fix-it coda where I try to fix all that it's fixable with bonus Castiel-wearing-western-gear in the end (and me needing 7000 words to get at that point). I hope it still works and that you like where I went with it ♥ and damn, I really needed to write some fix-it. The sections are titled after the movie they're watching in each - when they are watching one. (Also, the monkey's name was Clyde.) And thanks so very much to cassiopeia7 for betaing this <3

1. Unforgiven

There are a lot of things that Dean has said in his life that he wishes he could take back.

Right this moment, he wishes he could take back having ever told Cas that he’d have tried to stop him all means necessary. Or well, there’s a lot more he wishes he could take back, but that’s the one he’d go for if he had to choose.

He should probably tell Cas. If he wakes up sometime in the next ten years or so.

Then again, when you rip off your own grace in order to fix the wall in Sam’s head, you’re entitled to end up in a coma, except that it’s been three weeks and Dean is going insane. One would think that at least with Raphael out of the picture (and really, couldn’t Balthazar have shown up with an archangel’s blade just a while earlier? Or couldn’t he have given it to Cas before instead of keeping it for himself?) everyone could let out a breath of relief, sit back and talk, but of course it didn’t go like that.

(Of course it didn’t. What happened was, they tracked down Crowley, Crowley had been about to kill the both of them, Raphael had shown up, Cas had shown up just after Raphael, Balthazar had come to the party just in time to get Raphael from behind while the latter was about to obliterate Cas. All nice and good, except that Crowley had to start talking, which clearly had triggered something because Sam had immediately fallen to his knees clutching his head and screaming, and the stupid wall was crumbling down. And then Crowley had disappeared, Dean had turned and Cas was kneeling in front of Sam, his hand inside his own chest and

Dean had closed his eyes and covered his ears, and he still had heard a wailing sound that would have probably left them bleeding, had he not taken care of it. When he opened them again, Sam looked pretty much okay, and Cas was passed out on the ground.

Balthazar had been pissed. Dean didn’t care to remember what was said.)

And so Cas has been comatose in Bobby’s guest room for three weeks. According to Balthazar he’s as good as human, and the wall has cracks, for how many times Dean has punched it.

It’s not like he’s going anywhere either – the more he thinks about the entire situation, the more he feels like a jerk because yes, Cas might have done some shitty things, but working with Crowley wasn’t anything that he and Sam hadn’t done already and Cas deserved fairer treatment. Not the three of them trapping him in a ring of fire. The least he can do is be around when Cas wakes up. If he wakes up. If Cas wakes and still gives a damn.

Still, one can’t stay for days without doing anything except staring at a comatose person, and there’s a TV in the guest room, so whenever Sam is not upstairs, or Bobby is not upstairs, he watches movies. Possibly just things he knows by heart because that’s all he can take right now, and that’s how he’s watching Unforgiven when Cas wakes up. He’s at the point where Clint Eastwood is talking to the scarred hooker. Dean won’t ever tell a soul that he had actually teared up the first time he saw that – he was thirteen, and it had been a particularly bad week, and he just couldn’t help it. It was mostly her face when Clint Eastwood tells her that if he did free fucks, he’d rather do them with her rather than with her not scarred hooker friends – for some reason it just got to him. And he hasn’t been able to watch it again without his stomach slightly clenching, but then again it’s a fucking good movie – too bad that Sam doesn’t appreciate good things.

I reckon I’d want it with you, Clint Eastwood says, and then Dean hears a rustling noise from the bed. He mutes the TV on a whim, then turns on his left and yes – Cas’s fingers are definitely running over the sheet, feeling it, and Dean grabs a chair and moves it to the bedside just as Cas’s eyes open. He blinks, once, twice, and then he obviously recognizes where he is and – fuck. He still hasn’t realized that Dean is there and he’s looking like he’s shocked to be here. Like he was expecting to wake up in some hospital or in that warehouse, or not to wake up at all and – fuck. Dean has a lot of things to make up for here.

“Cas?” he asks, quiet, and Cas’s head turns to his left, and he’s looking at Dean like he can’t even believe that he’s here, and then his eyes turn to fix themselves on the pattern of the quilt draped over the bed. Well, this was nothing like their old staring contests, Dean thinks, before moving and sitting carefully on the side of the bed.

“Hey,” he starts, keeping his voice quiet, not even knowing what he should say, “don’t – don’t do that. It’s – fuck, I’m sorry.”

Cas turns towards him again, cautiously, and swallows, shaking his head but not at Dean. It’s like he’s trying to do something but can’t, and then Dean realizes that he’s been the only one talking until now.

“You can’t – you can’t speak?”

Cas looks at him again, shaking his head.

“Is that – you want to but you can’t, right?”

This time Cas nods – Dean brings a hand to his temple and breathes in. Fuck, he thinks, something always has to go wrong.

“Well, maybe – maybe it’s just temporary. Or shock. Or something.”

Cas gives him a barely there shrug – maybe.

“Listen, I’m – I’m really sorry about everything,” Dean starts again, and Cas turns to look at him, his expression saying what should you be sorry for? Christ. How wrong could he have possibly been?

“No, really. I told you that you should’ve come to me, but you were right – I was worrying Sam’s soul and nothing else. We trapped you because you were working with Crowley – and we have spent months doing the same thing, so it’s not like I had any right to go so hard on you. I told you I’d have stopped you by all means necessary and that – that was the shittiest thing I’ve told anyone since you brought me out of Hell, I think. And then I thought about it and I realized that you never really crossed us – you actually were looking out for us. I’m still – I guess I was angry at you for lying about it mostly, but then again I was going to lie to Sam about his soulless year and a half. And you still – fuck, even with all of that you’re stuck here because – I’m sorry. I really am. You don’t deserve any of the crap I’ve thrown at you,” Dean pushes, and damn, he’s almost glad that Cas can’t talk – he isn’t sure he could finish his entire speech if he was interrupted. Cas isn’t looking directly at him, he’s staring at the quilt again, but maybe it’s better. He isn’t sure that he could finish if Cas was staring at him either.

“And I just – sorry. Also from Sam, but I guess he’ll tell you that later. I don’t know if you even still want to stick around – wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t, but if it’s still worth anything, what I said that time you came to Bobby’s after the ring of fire is still valid. Well, not the part I’d take back if I could – all the rest.” It totally stands to reason that he can’t bring himself to say it all over again, but then Cas lets out a soft gasp. His right hand, which was clutching the sheet, unclenches slowly and Cas turns on his side again, almost in slow motion, and –

Fuck, the way Cas is looking at him – it’s the same way he was looking at Dean from inside that ring of fire. Like he can’t believe what Dean is saying, but this time he desperately wants to and it’s too much. Dean’s sense of dignity can go to hell along with his dislike for chick-flick moments. He’s about to move forward but then Cas makes a gesture, bringing the fingers of his right hand over his palm, as if scribbling – yeah. Probably you’d want to write if you can’t talk. Dean fishes a notebook and a pen out of his duffel and hands them over – Cas writes in a hurry and hands it back.

Do you mean it?

Dean thinks about how to word things for a second, then decides that he can’t get as far as that. “Yes,” he says, looking at Cas straight in the eyes, and fuck – the way Cas reacts – he can’t even begin to think about what he should do now. Cas’s shoulders suddenly lose tension at once, and for some reason Dean can’t stop thinking that Cas looks too thin, and then Cas takes the notebook again. Dean takes it back when Cas hands it over.

Thank you, it reads. Just that.

“No, thank you,” Dean says, his voice tight, and then does what he was about to do earlier. He moves closer, just slightly, then moves an arm around Cas’s shoulder. He waits a second, wondering it Cas might bail out on him here, but instead Cas turns towards him, laying his head on Dean’s shoulder – good. More than he expected. He puts his other arm on Cas’s back; the way Cas pretty much melts against him, Dean kicks himself in the head for not having done it before. He doesn’t move until Cas does – he’s pretty sure they stay like that for a while.

When it’s over Cas looks slightly less miserable, and while not breaking the contact completely, Dean can’t help wondering a few things. Like, that maybe if you’ve been knocked out for three weeks, you might need to eat. Or drink something. Especially if you’re as human as it goes.

“Hey, you want to eat something?”

Cas seems to consider it. He gives Dean a tiny nod.

“All right. Wanna go downstairs? I can give you a hand if –”

Cas shakes his head before he can even finish. And right, it does hurt a bit that he probably doesn’t feel like being in the same room as Sam and Bobby right now, but then again Dean can’t blame him for that. And he’s more than willing to give Cas a lot of leeway here, since he hasn’t done it for a year and well, if things got to this, it’s also half his fault.

“Okay, guess you’re entitled. Then uh, I’m gonna go and grab you something. I’ll be back in a minute, all right?”

Cas gives him another nod after another handful of seconds of staring – Dean nods back and gets out of the room. When he closes the door, he spends one minute outside it just breathing in and out. Then he breathes in again and goes down the stairs.

“You got anything suited for someone that’s just out of a coma?” Dean asks as soon as he gets inside the living room.

“He’s awake?” Sam asks, obviously concerned.

“Yeah, but I doubt he’s up for seeing more than one person at once right now. Also for some freaky reason he can’t talk.”

“What did you just say?” Bobby asks as he walks into the kitchen.

“He thinks it’s a side-effect, but for now apparently he can’t even if he tries. For all we know his body’s still in shock – guess you don’t rip out your own grace every day.”

Sam gives him a silent assent and Bobby comes back in five minutes with some tomato rice soup.

“That should work. And don’t say sorry for me – I gotta do that myself.”

Well, that’s not a bad start. What surprises Dean is that when he gets back he can hear the audio of the TV on – and he had switched it off.

When he gets in he sees that he isn’t wrong – Clint Eastwood and Morgan Freeman are deep in discussion on TV, and Cas is apparently at least half-interested.

“What, figured you’d pass the time?” Dean asks as he sits on the edge of the bed again and hands Cas the soup. It’s warm – at least that. Cas nods and starts poking at the soup with the spoon – it’d be almost endearing if not for the circumstances.

“Hey, you’re supposed to eat that, not the contrary. And uh, you’re liking that?”

Cas looks at him, lifts a shoulder, tilts his head just slightly. Well enough, the gesture sort of screams.

“Well then, seems like you have awesome taste,” Dean says. “Want to know what happened before as soon as commercials start?”

Cas gives him another nod before finally starting to eat (and he goes much faster after the first, surprised spoonful).

Which is how they spend Cas’s first graceless evening watching Unforgiven, even if it’d be more correct that Dean watches Cas watching the movie rather than just the movie – but it’s fine, he’s seen that fifteen times already. Eventually, Dean decides that sitting up sucks, so he kicks off his shoes and Cas scoots over a bit and they end up shoulder to shoulder in a bed that it’s enough for one person but definitely not for two.

In retrospective, it could have been way worse. When Cas’s head finally falls on Dean’s shoulder, Dean doesn’t do anything to change the state of things.



2. The good, the bad and the ugly

Turns out that Cas doesn’t move from that room for three days, and then even if he does get out (he seems to be okay with Bobby and Sam’s apologies – the latter’s especially) he still stays inside most of the time. Not like Dean can blame him there.

And not like Dean intends on leaving Cas to sulk alone, so he stays there most of the time and brings up the old VHS recorder from Bobby’s cellar, along with enough cassettes. And since apparently Cas did like Unforgiven, Dean figures he won’t mind some more good stuff. On the fourth day he puts in The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, which will never not be awesome.

“You know,” he says after a short while, because while Cas was never that much of a talker right now he just can’t take this – not when he knows that if he could talk Cas would point things out or say that he’s confused if he could, “just don’t share this with Sam, but I used to sort of really have a crush on him. Clint Eastwood I mean. Not Lee Van Cleef, geez,” Dean says when Cas raises both of his eyebrows. Yeah, well, he had chosen the wrong moment to say it.

Cas nods, then hands him over the notebook again.

?

“It’s just – well. I saw this first when I was thirteen or something. And I liked girls, sure, but there was something about him – it’s not that he’s hot. I mean, he is, but in this one it was just something else. It’s – just the way he plays that guy I guess. He isn’t the usual good guy in westerns – those ones are all chivalrous and shit, he’s as dirty and double-crossing as any bad guy and that’s what I liked about it. He was sort of real. Well, more real, in comparison to that other movie, this one is a feast of bad psychology.”

Not what you watch this kind of movie for, Cas writes.

Yeah, well, he’s dead on.

“Guess so. So well, yeah, I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. But it’s one of the things Sam never gets because he thinks that I have a fetish – and don’t look at me like that, I might, but there are serious reasons behind that, you know.”

He cracks half a smile – he doesn’t get one in return, but he wasn’t hoping on that. Not yet, anyway.

Your secret is safe.

“Knew I could trust you with it,” Dean says, keeping his voice low while Clint Eastwood and Eli Wallach shoot at each other, and the way Cas’s eyes widen slightly at that – he gets that it’s not about Dean’s stupid man-crushes when he was fourteen or about the fact that he has jerked off to a magazine with promotional pictures from The Dead Pool a pretty substantial number of times. But Dean has this idea that Cas needs to hear him say that kind of shit, and if he tries to hide it behind other remarks, well, Dean was always pretty bad at subtlety, in this kind of situation.

When during the Mexican standoff he feels fingers softly brushing against his own, barely a touch, he gasps for a second – he wasn’t expecting anything – and when he looks down – oh. Cas’s fingers are just slightly hovering above his – like he isn’t sure that he wants to cover Dean’s hand with his own.

Well, considering that Dean has just told Cas that he used to have the hots for Clint (and it’s not like he ever got over it completely) and that there was a reason why Cas lying to them had hurt so much, he’ll save the sexual identity crisis for another time. Not like holding hands has to mean anything like that, anyway. He turns his hand upward, his fingers slowly curling up. When Cas slowly, slowly lowers his own hand so that it touches Dean’s, Dean threads their fingers together slowly, nicely, without hurry.

When he turns back to the screen, Clint Eastwood has just shot Lee Van Cleef and he’s properly holding hands with Cas, and it isn’t half as scary as he though it could be.



3. The Bridges of Madison County

Cas starts talking again about two weeks after he wakes up – and it’s scary as fuck because during lunch he just starts coughing, his chest shaking so hard that Dean thinks he’s about to have convulsions and maybe they should call the ER, and then it stops all of a sudden. Cas coughs again, then turns to him.

“Dean?” he tries out, his voice maybe a bit rougher than usual.

“Well then, welcome back,” Dean answers. Cas still doesn’t smile back at him, but he looks half-pleased with the developments.

Dean is so happy about it that when Cas says that they should watch The Bridges of Madison County he doesn’t even blink an eye. He won’t ever tell anyone that it’s the only movie with Clint Eastwood that he’s seen just once (yeah, yeah, he saw The Rookie three times, but blame him – he was thirteen or fourteen when it came out and he saw it at the cinema. He had been probably bursting with hormones and they had presented him with the only man he found attractive without a shirt and tied to a chair, he’s only human. It was so worth it that he could even stand Charlie Sheen’s face in exchange for it). And he actually cried at it, and he had been horrified of himself. But it had been a year after Sam left for Stanford, he was hunting this stupid kelpie alone, his dad’s phone was always turned to voicemail, Cassie had dumped him three days before and he was feeling like shit. Then he watches a movie about a person losing the love of their life because they just met too late and she couldn’t pick what she wanted over what was fair – he’s still only human, but he won’t admit to having cried to a movie named like that, dammit.

But he isn’t about to say no and so they watch it, and Dean does pretty much manage to hold himself together for the first three quarters of it. Cas is strangely quiet – which is weird, considering that he tends to talk enough while watching movies. Then they get to that scene where Meryl Streep is on her husband’s car, Clint Eastwood’s is in front of theirs and she could just open the door and get out and run off with Clint Eastwood in the sunset, and then she doesn’t and fuck, there’s a tear that has slipped out of his stupid eye. Dean is about to wipe it away quietly when he hears a soft, strangled sound coming from his right. He turns and –

“Shit, Cas, are you –”

He is crying, full-on and so quiet that Dean hadn’t even realized, but then Cas brings a hand up to his cheeks and looks surprised when it comes away wet.

“I didn’t realize – am I –”

“Dude, we’re both crying like two fourteen year old girls. My only consolation is that you’re worse than me.”

Cas nods, but even if he keeps on wiping his face he can’t seem to stop, and it becomes so bad that his shoulders are starting to shake. Dean is about to get worried and then –

He remembers that he has never seen Cas cry once since they met and damn, if this is the first time maybe the stupid movie was just a trigger and now Cas is making up for three years of angelic PTSD or what the fuck you should call it.

“Hey, it’s –” Dean starts, moving closer, and then Cas shakes his head and tries to talk, even if he still sounds strained.

“I just – she – she was doing the right thing. Instead of doing what she wanted,” Cas says. “And those four days when she was doing what she wanted were the only happy ones she had since years and – I don’t even know why I’m doing this,” he says, miserably, but Dean knows even too well.

It’s the story of Cas’s life even more than Dean’s – after all the only time Cas ever did what he wanted was during the Apocalypse they averted and – oh shit.

“Fuck, Cas, don’t – I get it. It’s – hey, it’s not like I have this great track record of being able to choose what I want instead of what I should for someone else’s sake, right?”

Cas turns towards him, nods, and Dean just wants to reach out and run his thumb over Cas’s cheek but that’d be way beyond breaching protocol here – the hand holding last time doesn’t count.

“I haven’t been choosing what I want for a while,” Cas offers , after obviously considering how to put it.

“Well, neither have I. Looks like it’s time for us to go choosing what we want instead of waiting to almost die to get that, shouldn’t –”

Cas is kissing him before he can even finish, his mouth almost literally crashing against Dean’s, but it doesn’t even last the necessary time to turn it into a full-blown kiss – Cas moves away just after, and he doesn’t look at Dean, like he isn’t sure whether he should, and Dean would really like to know what’s with his heart clenching most of the time, lately.

“I don’t know if I should have –”

“Cas?” Dean asks then, softly, forgetting about Meryl Streep’s son and daughter having the epitome of chick flick moments on the screen. “You should have,” he says, and when Cas looks at him he leans down, their lips meeting slowly. He keeps it slow and nice, just feeling Cas’s lips under his own for a while before nibbling on the lower one. Cas’s lips part at that, and he sighs as Dean’s tongue runs along the lower lip then the upper. Cas’s hands slowly reach up, his fingers framing Dean’s face, and Dean moves his own hand on the small of Cas’s back, rubbing a slow circle in it. When it’s done Cas’s cheeks are flushed and there are still tear tracks on his face, but his eyes – fuck, it’s been ages since someone has looked at Dean like there isn’t anything else they might want.

Which is when it occurs to him, and he can’t stop himself from saying it even if he should have kept his mouth shut. “Wasn’t I your kryptonite?” he can’t help asking, even if he feels so bad about it. He remembers that moment well enough – how happy Cas had seemed then for having gotten a reference right, without understanding that he had gotten it too right. But then Cas shakes his head, his hand still on Dean’s cheek.

“I think –” he starts, his voice getting caught up in his throat. He clears it, then looks up at Dean again. “I think that for now Superman would just like to be Clark Kent without worrying about that,” he says, and the last half of the sentence sounds almost like a question, and Dean is pretty sure they can work with that.

“Well then,” he says, “I don’t see why that can’t be done.” He kisses Cas again as the credits roll. And he means that – he really does.



4. Every which way but loose (and Any Which Way You Can)

To Dean’s defense, it was Cas insisting for checking out the infamous Clyde movies. Mostly because he was apparently still baffled by Sam’s apparent hatred for them, which according to Dean is absolutely unjustified. Alright, he might have spent a month during summer when he was fifteen and Sam was eleven and they were stuck at Bobby’s watching those, and maybe eleven-year-olds don’t see the point of a movie where the main character has an orangutan best friend and is shirtless half of the time. And punching people while he’s shirtless, and the soundtrack is all bad country music. But hey, they were fun movies, and nothing particularly deep, and sorry but Dean’s fifteenth year hadn’t been that great. Not with moving three times, grades barely good enough to scrape by and Dad being gone so much that at points he went without eating for five days so that Sam could. If you have a mostly free month then you’ll want to spend it having as much fun as it gets, and say what the heck you want but those two movies are funny. Maybe not in the refined way, but Dean never was one to mind that.

“Sam just doesn’t get that kind of humor,” Dean shrugs as he puts the Every Which Way But Loose VHS inside the player.

“And you do?”

“I never said that Any Which Way You Can is a masterpiece, Cas. But if you just want to chill out, have a beer and just relax, I think they work pretty fine.”

Point is, Cas actually does like the first, or at least from his fascinated comments about how well Clint Eastwood and Clyde get along, he isn’t seeming to think it’s crap. Which is – well, nice, because after all this stuff was Dean’s sort of comfort movie material. He likes how easy it makes things seem – hey, your best friend might be an orangutan who punches at people when you tell him, but why not? Can’t be worse than spending your life hunting monsters and befriending someone for the first time at thirty years old. It’s called perspective.

Though well, seeing Cas so concentrated on this kind of movie is sort of creepy, because it isn’t the kind of thing that you might want to tear apart while watching – it’s the kind of thing you just enjoy while sitting back on your couch. Still, they have a beer each, the bed is small but comfortable, they’ve been kissing and half-groping for three weeks by now and Cas looks way less miserable than he did when he woke up – that’s not bad, isn’t it.

Except that then they get to the part where Ruth Gordon takes a shotgun and drives away from her property a bunch of bikers, which Dean had always thought was hilarious, and –

He hears a snort from his right side.

He turns, half-sure that he imagined it, but – no. Cas is legitimately laughing, full-on, and so hard that Dean thinks he might cry here, and damn, when Sam hears this he won’t even believe it.

“Cas, are you –”

“It’s – it’s fine,” Cas manages before another legitimate fit, and Dean pauses the movie to let him recover. Cas looks half-surprised at himself, like he didn’t even think he could have a laughing fit like that, and when it looks like it’s over, he’s still smiling and damn but it looks good on him.

“So, a little old lady without a license driving away a bunch of bikers with a shotgun is your idea of funny?”

“Isn’t it your idea of funny?” Cas replies, and – well. Touché.

“Can’t blame you on that. So, can I go on?”

Cas nods, and the smile stays there at least until Sondra Locke dumps Clint, and Dean stands by his opinion – how can you dump Clint Eastwood? From there until the end, and throughout Clint Eastwood losing a boxing match for the first time since the movie started, they don’t laugh as much, but when it’s over, Cas turns to Dean, looking thoughtful.

“I think – I think that you and Sam are both wrong when you say that it’s not deep at all,” Cas states, and Dean raises an eyebrow.

“Why, did you find the meaning of life in it?”

“No, but – from what I understand, he doesn’t usually play someone that loses, does he?”

“Well, he didn’t, not back then,” Dean agrees.

“But here he did. Mostly. See, it’s – it just showed you that even if you are… Clint Eastwood, life isn’t always a straight path. Or an easy one. But in the end even if he lost against that other boxer and the girl left him, he still had his truck and his friends. It might sound obvious, but –”

“Life goes on anyway and it’s not necessarily ugly even if it doesn’t really swing your way all of the time?”

“I suppose so,” Cas says, and Dean – well, fuck it, Cas is actually spot-on here. Maybe that’s the real reason why he always liked that stupid movie so damn much even if Dean has never, you know, thought about it in these terms.

“Cas, only you could find a half-deep meaning in this movie, but don’t think it isn’t a compliment.”

“Do I understand that there is another one?”

“Yeah. It’s – well, I think this one’s better, but the spirit’s the same. Do you actually want to see it?”

“I’d like that,” Cas says, and Dean can’t help grinning as he dusts off that other tape as well. Any Which Way You Can it is, then. He sort of can’t wait to tell Sam that Cas genuinely likes the Clyde movies – hey, at least someone is validating Dean’s tastes here.

And well, then it happens that between Cas pressed against him and Clint Eastwood being shirtless half of the time they end up groping mid-movie and Dean jerks Cas off for the first time while the thing still plays, but to be entirely honest Dean doesn’t regret half of that.

Not that he’ll share the details with anyone.



5.Where movies are referenced in multiple ways, rather than seen

It’s been a month since they kissed and a bit longer since Cas actually woke up, Dean realizes one morning while he’s buying groceries. The thought hits him while he’s buying toothbrushes and to be entirely honest, two years ago he might have freaked out at that. But as things are, he picks up the toothbrushes and puts them back in his cart, and walks on. It’s been – well, it’s not been an easy time by all stretches, but at least things between the four of them are okay, Cas says he doesn’t regret doing what he did, and if some times Dean catches him in the scrap yard looking up at the sky, he doesn’t say anything. He’s pretty sure that some of those times Balthazar drops by to talk even if no one ever sees him, but it’s okay – fuck, Cas is entitled to his own friends, as questionable as they get. Dean can’t still get over Cas sacrificing himself for them every stupid fucking time and he still can’t get over how they arrived at Cas’s grace stitching Sam’s wall together and Cas liking Clint Eastwood movies, but he isn’t expecting to get over any of it anytime soon. He figures he’ll just make it up as he goes as usual, and until now he hasn’t done a piss-poor job of it at least. Also it’s not like he can take back everything he’d like to, right? He loads the groceries in the Impala and gets back to Bobby’s, then leaves them to Sam (hey, he bought them, Sam can put them in place, right?) and walks up to the guest room. He thinks he heard Sam snickering, but he might have imagined it.

Then he opens the door and when he looks at the bed, his mouth goes dry in the span of exactly one second.

Cas is on the bed, all right, and until that nothing new. But. He’s – fuck – he’s dressed like Clint Eastwood.

Not any Clint Eastwood, but The-Man-With-No-Name-Clint-Eastwood. Dean has no idea where the fuck he found that stuff, but – fuck. It’s accurate to the last detail. Cas has spent the last two months wearing Dean’s old clothes, which all look slightly large on him, so it’s sort of a shock to see him wearing tight, dark jeans that do definitely show off his legs. He looks at the boots – camel-colored cowboy boots, the same model, with enough heel that if he stands up they’ll be at the same height, and spurs too. The blue shirt Cas is wearing underneath is the right shade, and the green-brown poncho has the exactly same design – and fuck, he even bought a hat that is the same shape even if it’s black while the original wasn’t. Then Cas looks up at him and fuck, Cas has no right to wear these clothes when he has exactly the right eye color and expect for Dean to think rationally.

“Where did you even find these?” Dean manages after way too much staring. “And uh, what’s the occasion?”

“I found them in the same place you found yours,” Cas says, “I merely went with a picture and asked them. About the occasion – I just thought I could surprise you.”

“Well, that’s the kind of surprise I’d like to get all the time,” Dean whispers, moving closer, looking down at Cas. Fuck, he does look good in this stuff. He moves a hand to Cas’s shoulder, feeling the poncho’s cloth under his fingers. Cas closes his eyes for a second, then opens them again.

“Are you sure there isn’t an occasion?” Dean asks, not getting why he can’t just let it go and just look at Cas for a while, but considering what not talking brought them to, he isn’t sure he doesn’t want to know why Cas is doing this.

“It was something you said a while ago.”

“What, while I was schooling you on spaghetti westerns and you couldn’t even say no to me?” Dean asks, making sure it sounds like the joke it is.

“You said you really liked him,” Cas keeps on, and damn, he really was listening. “It was the next best thing I could think of.”

And – fuck. Christ. Is Cas really doing this just because he was rambling about a stupid fantasy he had when he was thirteen? Suddenly Dean doesn’t even know what to say, not finding good enough words for it, and so he sits down on the bed, bring a hand behind Cas’s neck and moving closer so they can kiss. Cas’s lips part under his, readily, almost on cue, and Dean takes his time mapping Cas’s mouth, figuring that he has to show how much he likes the get-up.

“Fuck,” Dean whispers when it’s over. His forehead touches Cas’s and he can’t stop his hand from playing with the poncho’s hem – and the hat is in the way, but who gives a shit. “I don’t really think I did anything to deserve you at times,” he says, quietly, not wanting to hold truths back anymore. Cas’s eyes soften at that, and his hand goes to Dean’s neck, touching it almost gingerly.

“You did a lot,” Cas whispers. “What happened – it’s not just your fault. It was mine as well. I should have realized that Crowley was just giving me a hand out with his best interests in mind, and – you don’t know about it, but after that conversation we had, I asked God to give me a sign. About what I should have done. Nothing happened then – I hadn’t realized that it was in front of my eyes.”

“What do you mean?”

“What you told me when I came back – you asked me to just quit even if it wasn’t logical. And you wouldn’t have asked anything else of me if I just said yes, would you?”

Dean nods – at least he’s sure of that. He wouldn’t have told Cas that they were family if he hadn’t meant that.

“That was – well, a hand out is what you get from the government, a hand up is what you get from a friend, and it might have taken me a while to realize that it was what you had offered. I think that was my sign.”

“Wait – did you just fucking quote Any Which Way You Can at me to explain why you sacrificed yourself for the umpteenth time when we didn’t really deserve that?”

“It felt appropriate,” Cas just says, and then it hits Dean like a freight train. He had thought he had finally understood the extent of what’s at stake here, and between them, but no, he hadn’t. He’s understanding it just now. In retrospective he has been a jerk to Cas for the entire past year, and he had been pissed at knowing what Cas was hiding, but he was ready to forget about it – if only Cas stopped when he had asked. He thinks about Cas spending a year and a half killing his family and preventing another Apocalypse, and all along he was actually trying to keep them safe. He sees what Cas means here, and he sees what he had been offering without even knowing. And – well. Fuck. Maybe at times he can still surprise himself and not in a bad way.

“I don’t even know – can I keep you forever or something?”

“As long as you’re certain,” Cas answers, and he’s looking at Dean again like he had after that stupid Superman reference which had given him out and fuck, Dean can worry about dignity later.

“Cas, my kind of certainty about this comes but once in a lifetime,” Dean says, and before he can start feeling embarrassed because he has just fucking quoted The Bridges of Madison County (though at least it wasn’t Meryl Streep’s quote) Cas is kissing him like he’s starved for it, moving so that he’s straddling Dean’s thighs and fuck, considering how he’s dressed, Dean isn’t sure that he’s not going to come in his stupid pants right here and right now. Not when his hands are buried in the poncho – it’s soft, so really soft – and the way Cas kisses him, rough and messy and without any finesse, is seriously making him go crazy.

“Fuck,” he breathes when it’s over, Cas’s lips still just an inch from his, the both of them breathing heavily, “you don’t even know all the things I’d like to do to you right now.”

“You can. Do anything you want,” Cas breathes out, sounding like he’s one hundred percent sure of it. Like he’d totally let Dean seriously have his way, whatever he wanted and damn – really, Dean still isn’t half sure that he deserves any of this.

“I just – I think I needed you inside me yesterday. And please don’t lose the clothes. Or well, just lose the necessary ones,” Dean says, and then brings Cas’s head down again, his tongue sliding inside Cas’s mouth. Cas rolls his hips, slowly, and Dean needs more friction than this – damn, he needs to lose clothes at least. He reaches down for his t-shirt but Cas shakes his head and stops him.

“Let me,” he breathes out, and then Dean lifts his arms and Cas takes the shirt off, leaving him bare-chested. Cas runs his hand over Dean’s sternum, once, and Dean shivers just from it – not to mention that he really needs to get out of his stupid jeans. And then he doesn’t think about that anymore because Cas’s other hand reaches up for the handprint on his shoulder and even if nothing strictly goes down, Dean can’t help letting out a gasp the second it happens. It’s all in the way Cas is looking down at him now, like the two of them here and now is exactly what he’s wanted all along, and Dean doesn’t want to think that it might have gone way worse than this.

And then he decides it’s high time he loses his stupid jeans. He leans up, kisses Cas again, then rolls them over so that he’s the one on top before standing back and quickly losing shoes, jeans and underwear. Cas doesn’t take his eyes off him for a second, but it’s okay – it isn’t making Dean feel scrutinized or anything of the sort. And the fact that Cas is still completely clothed – it’s such a turn on that Dean can feel his cock hardening further, and he was half-hard already.

“All right,” he says moving back to the bed, his hands reaching down and taking Cas’s belt off. “You don’t really need to lose much else.” Cas looks at him, nodding as he understands what Dean wants them to do here. His hands reach down for the button on his jeans but Dean shakes his head before kneeling down on the floor, and if doing it on his bare knees is uncomfortable, he’ll endure that for now.

“I think I really need you to just stand back and enjoy it,” Dean says, and then he opens up Cas’s jeans and brings them down along with his underwear. Cas is half-hard as well, and Dean is set on taking the half off the equation. He’s about to crack a joke about laying back and thinking of Heaven but then he realizes it’s not the case. He’ll just go slow here – it’s been ages since someone did it to him or he did it to someone.

“Here we go,” he whispers before leaning down and placing a kiss on Cas’s jeans-covered knee and then moving closer, his head in between Cas’s legs. Cas gasps when Dean licks a stripe on the head of his cock to begin with, slow and easy. Dean feels it swell a bit at once, and he figures it won’t take too long to get Cas where Dean wants him. He leans down again, wraps his mouth around the head and runs his tongue over it again before taking more of that in, slowly. Cas is legitimately moaning now, louder when Dean has half of his cock in his mouth and instead of teasing gets down to business, his cheeks hollowing. It’s messier than Dean remembers – Cas’s cock hardens slowly, steadily as he sucks down on it, and the more Dean takes him in, the more he feels Cas straining himself to stop himself from fucking Dean’s mouth in earnest. Not that Dean would mind that but yeah, maybe another time when he’s actually not re-learning it all over again. He can taste pre-come starting to leak, and he’s pretty sure that it has to be saliva dripping from the corner of his mouth, but the more he stretches his mouth and moves his head upwards and downwards the easier it gets. Eventually, one of Cas’s hands reaches his hair and Dean expects tugging, expects to be pulled in, but everything he gets is long fingers carding through it, so slowly and gently that it almost aches. This until Cas actually pulls a bit on it, mouthing Dean’s name like he’s not coherent enough for anything else, and okay – Dean figures he’ll get Cas to come just from that another time. He pulls away, slowly, and when Cas’s cock falls down from Dean’s mouth it’s so hard that Dean thinks it should ache – not that now that he isn’t concentrated on that, his own cock isn’t desperately asking for attention as well. He reaches out for his duffel, takes out some lube he’s been carrying around since two weeks after they kissed, then looks up and fuck. Cas’s cheeks are flushed, his pupils blown, and he’s still wearing the hat and Dean really, really thinks he could come untouched just from the sight.

“Okay,” he whispers, moving closer. He takes the corner of Cas’s poncho and brings it over his back so that if they ruin something it’ll be the shirt and not that, then his legs go around Cas’s and his cock stirs again as soon as Dean is straddling him. “Uh, should I or you want to –” Dean starts, handing over the lube, and Cas snatches it away before he can finish.

“I want to,” Cas says, and he pours some on his fingers and Dean can’t stop staring at those fingers – long, elegant – and he can’t stop thinking that they’ll be inside him soon and shit, he’ll have to practice self-restraint here. He sits up so that it’s easier for Cas to reach down and then Cas’s right hand moves and a cold, slick finger is tracing the rim and Dean can’t help shivering.

“That’s good, you can –” Dean starts, and then Cas pushes the first finger in. Dean bites his tongue, it doesn’t exactly feel that great but he had known that it wouldn’t, and then it moves back down and then back up, and it’s slightly better. Then it happens a third time, and Dean relaxes a bit so that Cas can get deeper inside. And Cas does.

“Fuck,” Dean mouths when Cas’s finger scratches against the right spot, “yes.”

“Is that fine?” Cas asks, and well, fine doesn’t cover it.

“Yeah. Yeah, ‘s good, go on,” Dean manages, and after another slide, Dean feels a second finger joining the first, still slow and nice, and when Cas hits his prostate again Dean can’t help rolling his hips, desperately trying not to lower himself down. He could come just from Cas’s fingers but he wants the entire package here, and so he tries to hold himself still as Cas pours more lube on his hand. By the time Cas has slid his way in and out four times with three fingers, Dean is shaking with need, his hands grabbing tight on Cas’s shoulders, feeling the soft wool under his palms.

“It’s good – just, you can go all in, it’s fine,” Dean manages, barely, and Cas nods, a hand reaching down. Dean can see Cas’s eyes closing as soon as he touches his own cock, which is probably over-sensitive by now, and then Dean can’t take it anymore and lowers himself down on it. He figures it’s better to do it in one go, and one second he’s taking a breath and doing it, the other he can feel Cas’s cock inside him. It slid in relatively easy – it was slick and Cas had taken his own sweet time stretching Dean open – but it still burns just enough to make it feel good. Dean breathes in and out, trying to adjust to the feeling.

“Is that – are you –” Cas starts, one of his hands on the small of Dean’s back and the other pushing sweaty strands of hair from Dean’s forehead. Cas himself looks wrecked, and Dean leans down to kiss him lightly, once and then twice before moving away just slightly.

“Yeah, I just need a second, but it’s okay, it feels good. You feel good,” Dean says without even realizing that until after it leaves his mouth.

“Do I?” Cas asks, his hand on Dean’s back moving to Dean’s hip. Dean looks down at him, and fuck Cas’s eyes – there’s nothing that they’re hiding right now. There’s such naked need in them that it makes Dean’s heart clench for the umpteenth time in the last month or so. He swallows, and then his right hand reaches up, fixing the hat on Cas’s head. He tries to speak – as coherently as anyone can in such a situation as his.

“Yeah, yeah you do,” Dean whispers before deciding that he needs to move. He raises his hips, once, then moves back down again and Cas moves up at the same time. Dean moans so loud when Cas’s cock hits his prostate right there that he’s pretty sure Sam and Bobby must have heard him downstairs, but who cares. Not when it feels this good. Cas’s hands are on his hips now, and Dean can sense that he wants him to move up again and so Dean does it, not even thinking about it twice, and when he does Cas’s hips jerk up again as soon as he sinks down. His mouth is open, slack, he can’t even manage to close it because he just can’t stop moaning or saying Cas’s name, and his hands’ grip on Cas’s shoulders must be painful by now. Still apparently Cas doesn’t care because he’s bringing Dean closer, his hands still on his back, one on Dean’s nape, and Dean buries his head in Cas’s shoulder as he loses control on his own motions and just moves up and down, Cas’s cock sliding in and out with ease. The only things he can bring himself to say are variations on Cas, fuck and yes, not that Cas is much more coherent since the only thing he’s managing to say himself is Dean’s name, all over. His own cock is leaking pre-come all over Cas’s shirt and Dean thinks that he’d come with just a slight touch, but he likes Cas’s hands where they are (on him) and so he doesn’t ask. It doesn’t matter, not really. He knocks the hat off Cas’s head when he raises his own, but it’s fine because it means he can finally touch Cas’s hair. His fingers tangle in it, and then Cas writhes against him and gives him a push that goes all the way inside before going still.

“I am – I think I am –” he starts, not apparently able to finish.

“’s good,” Dean manages, “do it, just –”

And Cas does it. Dean feels him go even more still before jerking forward and emptying himself inside him, his breath heavy on Dean’s shoulder and small noises coming from the back of his throat, his hips jerking one more time, and that’s it, he can’t – Dean feels himself shudder all over and when he closes his eyes there’s a light exploding behind them, and he comes as soon as he gets some friction against Cas’s shirt again. He can’t even open his eyes for how good it feels – for a second it feels like he’s almost floating into thin air, and then when he crashes down to earth and opens his eyes, there’s pleasure throbbing in his veins, the both of them are as sweaty as it goes and Cas’s shirt is ruined beyond repair.

Not like Dean can bring himself to care about that, not when he’s just coming down from the best orgasm of his entire life or at least that he can remember. Cas is still breathing in and out, his cheeks flushed, his eyes closed and his lips swollen. His hair is matted with sweat and sticking all over his forehead – Dean raises a hand up and brushes a couple of strands away. He feels good, even if he has an idea that he won’t be up for walking for a couple of hours, but he isn’t even feeling any kind of discomfort. Cas opens his eyes slowly, looking up at him, and Dean leans down. Their lips meet and it’s slow and nice, and Dean presses another soft kiss to the corner of Cas’s mouth when they part. Cas shivers at that, and Dean figures that it’s high time they switch positions here – it feels good now, but it’s bound to hurt if he doesn’t do that soon. He lifts himself up, shivering at the sudden emptiness as soon as Cas’s cock slips out. He feels stickiness on the inside of his legs and they should really, really shower because they’re both filthy, but he just flops down on the bed instead. Cas follows him, leaning down as well, not bothering to take off his jeans entirely or any of his clothes.

“Fuck, I don’t even have words,” Dean says, moving slightly closer. Cas does too, his hand on Dean’s cheek, and it says everything that it wasn’t his clean hand and Dean doesn’t give a shit.

“Maybe I should shop in that place more often,” Cas replies.

“Man, not saying that it wouldn’t make me very happy because this here was a pretty awesome package, but what I care about most is the content,” Dean says, and damn, when did he start actually talking about his stupid feelings?

Right, he should really stop thinking it’s a bad thing. He really should. Especially when Cas looks like happiness made flesh right this second, and Dean has been working on making it happen for a while. Never say that he doesn’t learn from his mistakes, even if it took him way too long to catch up on that.

“Dean, I think – I just want you to know something,” Cas says, his voice so low you can barely hear it.

“Okay, shoot.”

“I don’t – I don’t regret a single thing I’ve done that made me get to this point. Except maybe not talking to you back before Crowley found me, but about the rest – I don’t.”

“Not even – not even ending up stuck with us all over again?”

“I told you once. I’d rather be here.” With you, goes unsaid.

“That’s good, because I really don’t want you to go.” Dean’s reply is as quiet as Cas’s, and then they’re kissing again, and the way Cas opens up to him without even waiting a second, the way Dean can feel him relaxing against him, almost going boneless, is something that he thinks he can’t give up now. Took him a while to realize what he wanted, but now that he has it, he’s not giving it up easily.

“Then I guess we’re settled,” Cas says against his lips. Dean nods once, and then he can see a glint in Cas’s eyes, which isn’t entirely innocent. “I think,” he says again, licking his lips, “that I have to ask myself one question.”

“Which is?”

“Do I feel lucky?” Cas asks, his mouth right next to Dean’s ear, and –

Son of a bitch was really paying attention while he couldn’t talk and Dean figured it was the right time for Dirty Harry. And all the sequels.

And damn, one would think that past thirty Dean wouldn’t have been up for round two, but fuck, Cas saying that in his ear, with that stupid low voice – he can feel his cock stir in interest again.

“If you mean that I should ask myself that question, the answer is yes,” Dean says before turning over and kissing Cas into the mattress, not caring that they both need to breathe. In a short while he’ll regrettably take Cas’s clothes off and then they should probably move this to the shower, but for now, he’s perfectly fine with this.

He’s also pretty sure that it got through Cas’s head that he means what he’s just said.

End.
 
 
feeling: accomplishedaccomplished
on rotation: per qualche dollaro in più - ennio morricone
 
 
( 43 comments — Leave a comment )
aerilexaerilex on May 10th, 2011 12:05 am (UTC)
Holy hell. I need a cigarette and I don't even smoke.

Also? YAY for this! I wanted so badly to see something where Cas was allowed to just CRY for a freaking minute. :D
Hallie Jadeangelshandprint on May 10th, 2011 02:23 am (UTC)
I wanted so badly to see something where Cas was allowed to just CRY for a freaking minute
YES
I SO LOVE THIS
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural + nick cave = otpjanie_tangerine on May 10th, 2011 08:48 am (UTC)
eee thank you! And well, I think he deserved a bit of catharsis XD
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural castiel 3.0janie_tangerine on May 10th, 2011 08:46 am (UTC)
Oops, don't take it up on my account! Have coffee like I do instead! ;) seriously, thanks so much, I'm so glad that you liked it. <3 Also eeeh, I figured that after everything that's been going on, the poor guy deserved some cathartic crying, y/y?
nollie86nollie86 on May 10th, 2011 12:17 am (UTC)
O. M. G. I'm wishing so hard right now that this is how the writers fix my epic heartbreak from the last episode. Even if they don't, I'll have this beautiful epic piece to comfort me! Amazing and sweet and HOT. You're the bee's knees, darlin'. :D.
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural + nick cave = otpjanie_tangerine on May 10th, 2011 11:26 am (UTC)
Believe me, if this season ends with Dean and Cas watching Clint flicks I'll explode of joy. ;) Thanks so very much, I'm so glad that you liked it! I just really needed to fix them up a bit. ;)
Kevin Jonesmulder200 on May 10th, 2011 12:19 am (UTC)
“It’s just – well. I saw this first when I was thirteen or something. And I liked girls, sure, but there was something about him – it’s not that he’s hot. I mean, he is, but in this one it was just something else. It’s – just the way he plays that guy I guess. He isn’t the usual good guy in westerns – those ones are all chivalrous and shit, he’s as dirty and double-crossing as any bad guy and that’s what I liked about it. He was sort of real. Well, more real, in comparison to that other movie, this one is a feast of bad psychology.”


“Knew I could trust you with it,” Dean says, keeping his voice low while Clint Eastwood and Eli Wallach shoot at each other, and the way Cas’s eyes widen slightly at that – he gets that it’s not about Dean’s stupid man-crushes when he was fourteen or about the fact that he has jerked off to a magazine with promotional pictures from The Dead Pool a pretty substantial number of times. But Dean has this idea that Cas needs to hear him say that kind of shit, and if he tries to hide it behind other remarks, well, Dean was always pretty bad at subtlety, in this kind of situation.


LOL! And why I am not surprised that Dean had a crush on Clint Eastwood? He does seem like the kind of guy Dean would like. (Not to mention jack off to).



“Hey, it’s –” Dean starts, moving closer, and then Cas shakes his head and tries to talk, even if he still sounds strained.

“I just – she – she was doing the right thing. Instead of doing what she wanted,” Cas says. “And those four days when she was doing what she wanted were the only happy ones she had since years and – I don’t even know why I’m doing this,” he says, miserably, but Dean knows even too well.

It’s the story of Cas’s life even more than Dean’s – after all the only time Cas ever did what he wanted was during the Apocalypse they averted and – oh shit.


Ah! Poor Cas! How sad.

“I haven’t been choosing what I want for a while,” Cas offers , after obviously considering how to put it.

“Well, neither have I. Looks like it’s time for us to go choosing what we want instead of waiting to almost die to get that, shouldn’t –”

Cas is kissing him before he can even finish, his mouth almost literally crashing against Dean’s, but it doesn’t even last the necessary time to turn it into a full-blown kiss – Cas moves away just after, and he doesn’t look at Dean, like he isn’t sure whether it should, and Dean would really like to know what’s with his heart clenching most of the time, lately.

“I don’t know if I should have –”

“Cas?” Dean asks then, softly, forgetting about Meryl Streep’s son and daughter having the epitome of chick flick moments on the screen. “You should have,” he says, and when Cas looks at him he leans down, their lips meeting slowly.


OMG! Yes! First time kiss!

“No, but – from what I understand, he doesn’t usually play someone that loses, does he?”

“Well, he didn’t, not back then,” Dean agrees.

“But here he did. Mostly. See, it’s – it just showed you that even if you are… Clint Eastwood, life isn’t always a straight path. Or an easy one. But in the end even if he lost against that other boxer and the girl left him, he still had his truck and his friends. It might sound obvious, but –”

“Life goes on anyway and it’s not necessarily ugly even if it doesn’t really swing your way all of the time?”

“I suppose so,” Cas says, and Dean – well, fuck it, Cas is actually spot-on here. Maybe that’s the real reason why he always liked that stupid movie so damn much even if Dean has never, you know, thought about it in these terms.

“Cas, only you could find a half-deep meaning in this movie, but don’t think it isn’t a compliment.”


Leave it to Cas to find a deeper meaning in a flick.

OT:

“I’d like that,” Cas says, and Dean can’t help grinning as he dusts off that other tape as well. /i>Any Which Way You Can</i> it is, then.

Oops. Might want to fix the italics on that one.

Things I love the most about this fic:

1. Dean apologizes for being an ass

2. Dean and Cas bond and have sex all because of Clint Eastwood movies.

3. They have sex!

the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural + nick cave = otpjanie_tangerine on May 10th, 2011 11:51 am (UTC)
After Frontierland I feel entitled to say that Dean crushing on Clint is canon. If you know that the monkey's name is Clyde is pure love. ;) ;) And I feel entitled to say that Cas would totally find the meaning of life in that movie. Alright, seriously, thanks so much! I'm really glad that you liked it. And Dean apologizing needs to happen in canon but I'll take what I can. And thanks for pointing out the italics thing, I totally missed it *fixes* :)
pavl0vs_d0gpavl0vs_d0g on May 10th, 2011 12:46 am (UTC)
You have just become my hero! This is the best big bandaid fix ever for their relationship, and I love it.
Dean and Cas bonding over old westerns is so heart tuggingly adorable.
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural dean & sam westernjanie_tangerine on May 10th, 2011 11:27 am (UTC)
Well, awesome to know that! ;) and hey, I really needed to write a huge band-aid after that episode so if it works I'm totally glad to hear it. ;) thanks so very much!
dark_cygnet: Graceful Swandark_cygnet on May 10th, 2011 01:40 am (UTC)
Dammit, am I ever going to quit crying over Cas?!?! This fic, Janie. This fic. All I can say is thank you, thank you, thank you and I love you for writing this. You have Dean saying what he should have said on the show and the way they come together in this story is so, so lovely.

It’s not like he’s going anywhere either – the more he thinks about the entire situation, the more he feels like a jerk because yes, Cas might have done some shitty things, but working with Crowley wasn’t anything that he and Sam hadn’t done already and Cas deserved fairer treatment. Not the three of them trapping him in a ring of fire. The least he can do is be around when Cas wakes up. If he wakes up. If Cas wakes and still gives a damn. Yes, Dean. Quit judging and be there for your angel.

I could go on with all I loved about this but that would mean pretty much copying and pasting the whole thing. Thank you for writing this and sharing it with us. It made me smile so much even with all the teary eyed reading. *g* xoxox
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural + nick cave = otpjanie_tangerine on May 10th, 2011 11:29 am (UTC)
If it consoles you, I'm still not over crying over Cas, so it's two of us? Thanks so very much indeed, I'm so happy that you liked it this much. And ha, I really just wanted to be as thorough as possible here, poor Cas needs some fixing stat. *glares at canon* really, thank you for reading it, I'm so really glad it worked this much for you.
✎ Fel's Creative Journal: ✎ when I'm falling I'm at peacetinfoiltennis on May 10th, 2011 02:26 am (UTC)
THIS FIC. My goodness, this was perfect in so many ways - Dean realising how much of a douche he's been and the Western movies and Dean's cowboy kink and everything about Cas (I made a strangled animal noise during the Bridges of Madison County part) and good lord, the porn was amazing.

I think that if the finale doesn't please me on May 20th, I am just going to reject canon and substitute it with this fic. Thanks so much for sharing!
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural + nick cave = otpjanie_tangerine on May 10th, 2011 11:32 am (UTC)
Aw, thank you so much! ♥ I'm so really glad to know that it worked for you and that you liked the whole thing (and oh, I cry every time I watch that movie. AND, the only time I saw a guy crying shamelessly over one movie it was because of that, so I figured I was entitled ;) ). And I think I'll be with you in rejecting canon if they don't fix them. :( thanks so much again!
888mph888mph on May 10th, 2011 03:15 am (UTC)
Damn, I wish I could do this: set up to write a drabble and end writing half a bang in a couple of days. Especially one as wonderful as this one.
the female ghost of tom joad: psycho fanficjanie_tangerine on May 10th, 2011 11:34 am (UTC)
Believe me, I wish I didn't need to write half a bang to say what I want to say but thanks so much really ♥ I'm so glad it worked for you.
Lamia Lilithhumdrumtown on May 10th, 2011 03:52 am (UTC)
“Wasn’t I your kryptonite?” he can’t help asking, even if he feels so bad about it. He remembers that moment well enough – how happy Cas had seemed then for having gotten a reference right, without understanding that he had gotten it too right

OH GOD. That part broke my heart. It was so well acted by Misha. I just...I knew he stuck his foot in it, but he seemed so proud.

and sorry but Dean’s fifteenth year hadn’t been that great. Not with moving three times, grades barely good enough to scrape by and Dad being gone so much that at points he went without eating for five days so that Sam could.

When good writers just slip these details of Dean's childhood into a story, my heart just bursts with pride and pity for him. UGH. I love you for this.

Dean nods – at least he’s sure of that. He wouldn’t have told Cas that they were family if he hadn’t meant that.

“That was – well, a hand out is what you get from the government, a hand up is what you get from a friend, and it might have taken me a while to realize that it was what you had offered. I think that was my sign.”


HEART BROKEN AGAIN....::weeps::

And then he doesn’t think about that anymore because Cas’s other hand reaches up for the handprint on his shoulder and even if nothing strictly goes down, Dean can’t help letting out a gasp the second it happens. It’s all in the way Cas is looking down at him now, like the two of them here and now is exactly what he’s wanted all along, and Dean doesn’t want to think that it might have gone way worse than this

I should stop quoting this story back to you since it is after all in the entry and you wrote it, but my god, so many scenes are making my heart grow and break over and over again.<333333

I've fairly recently gotten into this fandom, and I just love your fics. This was perfect to read after getting my heart pulled out of my chest by 6x20. Thank you for this wonderful read!!!
the female ghost of tom joad: sherlock (bbc)janie_tangerine on May 10th, 2011 11:47 am (UTC)
Eee thank you! I'm so really glad that you liked it this much. And you totally pointed out all my favorite bits but then again I can't even THINK about the Superman conversation without bawling like an insane person, so I really had to go and fix that one most of all. ;) and I do love myself when you get some of pre-series backstory with Dean POVs even if it usually makes me cry so it's awesome to know it worked for you here.

Also don't worry about quoting at me, I do that regularly half of the time. ;) ;) and really, thanks so much for the lovely comment, if it made you happy then I'm accomplished especially because the fix-it aspect was pretty much the main purpose of this. ;) ♥
Hatteresshatteress on May 10th, 2011 03:58 am (UTC)
I'm in freaking LOVE with you seriously. So much of the finale-spec fic I've been reading has been angst and heartbreak with a dash of emo. Which, yes - while probably true to the way things seem headed just...just...it kills me man.

This was exactly what I needed. A combination of real and heartwarming that is so, SO hard to find. Bravo.

Also. Cowboys. *gratuitous wink*
the female ghost of tom joad: tangerinesjanie_tangerine on May 10th, 2011 11:36 am (UTC)
Ee but thank you so much! :D it's good to know it worked for lifting spirits because I really can't take the angst anymore either. I mean, I love the angst but here I just really wanted to fix everyone. ;) thanks again, much glad you liked it!

(Cowboys: me and Dean totally share a kink. I'm pretty sure I wasn't that good at hiding that. ;) )
harper47harper47 on May 10th, 2011 11:58 am (UTC)
I knew I would love this before I even read it. It was like this treat I was saving for when I got all the things I had to do done and then . . . . . . it was everything I hoped for and more. I adored this.

One of my favorite things about your writing is the way you use pop culture. It's something I do in my monologues too and it just makes things I read really embed themselves into my conscious. And I just adored that you took the Clint Eastwood canon from Frontierland and weaved it into a coda that fixed 6x20.

I love this so, so, so . so, so , so much. The slow build. The inability to speak. The hand holding. The everything. Dean adn Cas need to sit down on the show and watch Clint Eastwood movies. So much.

Thanks again. Right click, save.
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural dean & sam westernjanie_tangerine on May 11th, 2011 06:45 pm (UTC)
Aw, thanks so so very much. Now I feel all warm and fuzzy, know that. ;)

Seriously, I'm really so glad you liked it this much. And that the whole 'let's just go the whole way with the pop culture' approach worked for you because at times I feel like I go and push too much over it, but on the other side when I write Dean I really can't do otherwise - in my head he doesn't exist with the pop culture side. ;) Also I already had wanted to do something like five times Dean watched Clint movies after Frontierland, then I decided that it was unfair and could make it Dean & Cas, then 6x20 happened and I figured let's just go all in. ;) And it's so great to know the entire package worked for you, thanks so very much all over again! ♥
These aren't the droids you're looking for.: gay bandit rides againelvisglasses5 on May 10th, 2011 04:54 pm (UTC)
*applauds*

Wow, bb, I gotta tell you that that was one of the HOTTEST D/C sex scenes I've ever read. Not sure what it was exactly but man oh man, did you hit it out of the park. <333

I now have a new appreciation for Mr. Eastwood and will always think of Dean's man-crush when I see him now. Thank you for that!

ETA: Ahem, a wee bit distracted by the smoking hot pr0n - forgot to also tell you how much I loved the emotionally cathartic fix-it nature of this fic. THANK YOU. I (and Dean, and Cas) needed that! Fingers crossed that we don't all just end up bloody, sobbing messes after 6.22 ... but at least I'll have this fic to retreat to. : )

Edited at 2011-05-10 05:02 pm (UTC)
the female ghost of tom joad: CLINT XQ_janie_tangerine on May 11th, 2011 06:40 pm (UTC)
Eee, but thank you so much! (Also before I go on to the rest OMG YOUR ICON WINS SO HARD XDDDDDD I think I need to steal it. XDDDDD)

Okay, icon flail excluded, I'm really so glad that you liked it. And that you found the porn satisfying -- I'll admit that this wasn't one of the times where I struggled with it. *cough* guess why *cough* Seriously, it's good to know it worked. XD and HA THAT WAS MY TARGET. NOW YOU'LL NEVER NOT SEE THAT WHEN YOU SEE CLINT EASTWOOD, I WIN. /mad laugh

And to serious things, I'm really glad this worked as a whole for you - I really needed everyone to have a nice cathartic time. Us included. ;)
Thalia: asdfgghjkl;thalaki on May 10th, 2011 06:57 pm (UTC)
OH WOW
OH WOW
This is like... the best thing I've read in a while, BRAVO!
the female ghost of tom joad: fanfictionjanie_tangerine on May 11th, 2011 06:36 pm (UTC)
Eee thank you so very much! (also your icon, it's awesome. And flattered that you used it ;) ;) ) <3
Nichyevil_knitter on May 11th, 2011 03:03 am (UTC)
Hminehy. << whimpery, gooey sound of pleasure and contentment I adored Dean here, all... Deany but with rough feelings. Also? Cas in tight jeans and a cowboy hat? Sweet... Jesus...
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural + nick cave = otpjanie_tangerine on May 11th, 2011 06:34 pm (UTC)
Eee, thank you so much! It's awesome to know it brought you some happy. ;) And ha, yeah, I totally back you up on the fact that Cas not having worn period clothing in Frontierland was a waste ;) ;) ;)
Linsey: Dean/Cas: this is itpyjamagurl on May 11th, 2011 01:35 pm (UTC)
Firstly, I would love if Cas fell for exactly this reason! And if Dean said such a wonderful apology (which is exactly the kind of thing Cas needs to hear in my opinion).

Secondly this is hot and awesome and I love the progression of their relationship as they bond over westerns and get more intimate. Also, I've wanted fic with Dean sitting Cas down and watching Westerns with him ever since Frontierland so thank you for that!

Wonderful fic, I adore it. *saves to favourites*
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural dean/castieljanie_tangerine on May 11th, 2011 06:27 pm (UTC)
If it happens for real I'll be here in the corner making dolphin noises. ;)

That said thank you so much! :DD I'm really so glad that you liked it. I also had been wanting to write Dean introducing Cas to westerns since then, but I also wanted to do Dean crushing on Clint, then that episode happened and I figured I could do it all together. ;) again, thanks! ♥
jem_018jem_018 on May 11th, 2011 07:03 pm (UTC)
Oh, gosh. This was amazing. I love it very, very much. ♥

I loved that Dean realized that he was being a jerk and then the both of them bonding over those movies. So awesome.

And then The Bridges of Madison County bit. Oh my. I made some kind of weird noise and just clutched at my chest. *sighs*

Cas in that outfit. Oh my. *flails*
And Dean's reaction to Cas in that outfit. *flails some more*

OH.
That was so hot. *fans self*

Anyway. Yeah. This was wonderful. :D
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural dean/cas IS CANONjanie_tangerine on May 12th, 2011 06:58 pm (UTC)
Ee, thank you so very much! ♥ I'm so glad that you liked it - and ha, yeah, Dean needs to deliver a nice apology in canon to if you ask me.

Also much glad the part about Bridges worked for you -- I think you can't just not bawl at that movie if you ask me. I figured it was going to work with them as well. ;) and it's totally good to know the Clint outfit worked for you - it totally was no harship to write that, believe me XDDD thanks so very much for reading again! ♥
Giulia: Spn_DeanCas_have eaten my braine0wyn on May 11th, 2011 08:28 pm (UTC)
Lasciami dire subito che l'espediente di usare la grazia per salvare il muro è fantastico. Ho amato moltissimo la prima parte, con Dean tutto preoccupato che, finalmente, riflette su quello che ha fatto in questo anno mentre Cas è in coma. E poi quando quest'ultimo si sveglia e non lo guarda... bellissima la reazione di Dean "Well, this was nothing like their old staring contests, Dean thinks".

Come il fatto che si sono stretti nel letto per vedere il film assieme <3

Bella storia, molto bello l'evoluzione del loro rapporto con il passare dei vari film <3
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural + nick cave = otpjanie_tangerine on May 12th, 2011 07:01 pm (UTC)
Aww grazie mille! :D contentissima che sia piaciuta e che l'espediente abbia funzionato - continuo a sperare che succeda in canon visto che sarebbe l'opzione meno peggiore se proprio volete la mia opinione >_>

E dividere il letto è sempre conveniente ;) ;) grazie ancora! ♥
twisting_vine_x: Dean/Cas - Impalla Sextwisting_vine_x on May 19th, 2011 05:17 am (UTC)
OH MY GOD I CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.

(Yeah, finally got over my hang-up about reading porn on my friend's internet, when I realized that I'm here for a month, and that's a helluva long time to go without).

AND JUST - YOU. YOU AND THIS PROMPT, AND I AM SO GLAD YOU RAN WITH IT LIKE YOU DID, AND THIS. THIS IS JUST BRILLIANT. BRILLIANT IN WAYS I CAN BARELY BEGIN TO ARTICULATE.

God. The movie watching. And the feelings. And the tears, oh my god, the years. AND HELLO, CAS, YOU LOOK VERY FINE IN MY HEAD, ALL DRESSED UP LIKE A COWBOY, AND I THINK YOU JUST MADE MY OVARIES EXPLODE FROM THE INCREDIBLE LEVELS OF EMOTION-CHARGED HOTNESS.

/capslock

Just... just. This is one of the best things I have read in ages. If you need me at any point over the next lifetime, I'm going to be curled up over here, cuddling and petting this fic forever.

-gibbers-
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural dean/cas riverjanie_tangerine on May 19th, 2011 11:59 pm (UTC)
YOUR LOVE IS ABSOLUTELY WELCOMED WITH OPEN ARMS ;)

Haha seriously I feel like I should thank you for the prompt again because believe me, writing this = indulging myself a whole damn lot. ;) AND I'M MUCH GLAD YOU'RE PLEASED WITH WHERE I WENT WITH IT BECAUSE I WAS REALLY HOPING IT WOULD BE THE CASE. And I just figured that since I had a good setting I could just let the feelings run loose. ;)

ALSO CAS INDEED LOOKS VERY FINE LIKE THAT, AND MY OWN OVARIES EXPLODED WHILE PLOTTING HOW I WAS GONNA DRESS HIM SO I GUESS WE'RE EVEN. And please feel free to pet and cuddle it as much as you want, it's totally what I'd hope you'd do with it. ;) thanks again, I'm so beyond happy that you liked it <33333333333333333333333333
The Cleaverage: dean OKkel_reiley on August 8th, 2011 08:20 pm (UTC)
This? This was the best thing ever! ♥
the female ghost of tom joad: CLINT XQ_janie_tangerine on August 8th, 2011 09:41 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much! ;) Much glad to hear you think so. XD
lover all alone: J2: cuddles!invisiblelove on August 28th, 2011 05:08 am (UTC)
*SIGH* Things sit on to-read list for stupid long. Silly real life. What must you interfere with important things?? ;)

Anyway, this was lovely. Loved the relationship between Dean and Cas, as always. They had that bond, but watching it develop even further during Cas' recovery was just wonderful. And omg when Cas laughed <333333333333 I think that was my favorite part :)

Lovely work, my dear! :DDD
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural + nick cave = otpjanie_tangerine on September 1st, 2011 09:46 pm (UTC)
Don't tell me, my to-read list is awful. ;) and thank you so much! :DD I'm really so glad that it worked for you, especially because back then I kind of had the time of my life writing it. LIKE IT ISN'T OBVIOUS. ;) and your favorite part was probably my favorite as well. Never underestimate gross humor. ;) thanks so much again! <3333
ninjapsammeadninjapsammead on October 12th, 2011 04:55 pm (UTC)
God, I just want to pretend the stories you write are what's real and fuck season 7, I want to exist in the worlds you create. You're so amazing, I love this story, you write the absolute most heartwarming cas and dean, and I cannot stop raving about how you work media into your stories. this one rocked me.
the female ghost of tom joad: clint bridgesjanie_tangerine on October 12th, 2011 06:47 pm (UTC)
Sometimes I think that I'd like to exist in places where Dean schools Cas on Clint Eastwood too.. *glares at writing staff* anyway, thanks so very much! I'm so glad that it worked for you and that you liked the whole 'let's just rave about Clint's movies' bits of it because while I thought the plot sort of around those I was hoping that it wouldn't end up being overdone. I'm so really glad you liked it, thanks again! :D

Edited at 2011-10-12 06:49 pm (UTC)
orange_8_handsorange_8_hands on March 31st, 2013 07:43 am (UTC)
Oh hell yeah this was awesome.
( 43 comments — Leave a comment )