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24 May 2009 @ 12:22 pm
fic, Supernatural: As You Are (Dean/Castiel), PG13, for sacred_20  
Figures I'd start to post stuff from other places before I end up with a pile.

Title: As You Are
Rating: PG13
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Words: 1986
Summary: It's some pretty damned lame irony that he's supposed to stop the apocalypse in a place called fucking Valentine, but after all everything is lame irony lately.
Spoilers: For 4x22/the S4 finale.
Disclaimer: I don't own them. I wish, but I don't.
A/N: written for the Supernatural kink meme, with the prompt castiel/dean; his wings, rain, and a bonus if there's any reason to get cas to slice his arm open again. or dean could do it. And using for sacred_20 #1, miracle, so at least I've started it.

It starts in a motel's almost-empty parking lot just outside motherfucking Valentine, Nebraska, and Dean kind of wishes that at least the name of the place didn't suck as much. It's some pretty damned lame irony that he's supposed to stop the apocalypse in a place called fucking Valentine, but after all everything is lame irony lately.

It's not like he has much of a choice really; choosing is a privilege no one has these days, least of all him. From Maryland to Nebraska, it's half a country; considering that the angels fighting Lucifer aren't really giving much of a damn about salvaging anything on their path, it isn't surprising that almost nothing that lies along the road they traveled until now is probably standing up. At least not from what they have seen.

What's worse, is that it's all for nothing. The angels may fight Lucifer and have their own perverse fun with it, but the point is that only one person can actually send him back where he belongs, that person is Dean Winchester and Dean Winchester isn't with Team Angels. Dean Winchester is half trying to get things straightened out (without really much of a success to be honest) as he drives from place to place, and half on the run because they don't have a plan yet (and considering that this all started a week ago, it says everything about how fucked they are). This, along with his brother who is still detoxing demon blood out of his system and a renegade angel who can't do miracles anymore, which doesn't really make much for a winning team, considering how the odds are.

Right now, Sam is in a room inside the motel (there's not even the need to pay, the whole town is already deserted anyway; everyone flew West, even if it's just putting things off), Dean and Castiel are standing near the Impala, pouring rain washing all over them (it hasn't stopped raining since the day Lucifer rose). If Dean turns to his right, he can see fires burning in the distance despite the rain and his throat feels tight.

There is no way they can stop this as things are. Not when Sam isn't in any shape to fight seriously, not when Castiel can't stand against an army of his own kind alone and not when Dean, who isn't an angel or an half-demon for that matter, doesn't have any advantage of the supernatural kind. Which would turn pretty much fucking helpful at this point, and that's why he asked Castiel to give him a hand here, or better, an arm.

What he asked is the only way, and they're doing it on the outside because he doesn't ever want Sam to see it and Lucifer's coming fast. It's either now or never; Apocalypse will be here in two hours at best and if Dean wants to go and fucking fulfill his destiny or whatever crap it is, he'd better just stop freaking postpone and do it already.

His hand holding Ruby's knife trembles for a second before it stills; his other one is beneath Castiel's forearm, the wet sleeve rolled up, bare in the faint light coming from the room Sam is in. Hopefully trying to sleep or at least doing everything but looking out of the window, Dean thinks before placing the blade softly against Castiel's skin and slicing it with a slow movement. A line of red, thick blood pours down Castiel's forearm and Dean shivers.

"Cas? Are you sure of what you told me before?"

"Dean, you really think I would lie to you about this? Or anything, at this point? No, I don't know what will happen to you if you drink it. I know it will make you somewhat similar to what I am. It will get you better chances, yes, but I don't know about the rest."

Dean nods, looking down at that straight flow of red liquid now dripping on the ground. When the first drop hits the cement, it burns through it. Dean doubts for a second, then turns to his right. The fire is closer already. Fuck this, he thinks as he brings Castiel's arm up to his lips. He can smell the blood, he can almost taste copper and bitterness on his tongue, but suddenly the arm isn't there anymore and when he looks at Castiel again, the cut is healed.

"Cas, what... we agreed that..."

"Yes, we did, but... I really don't think it would be the wisest course of action."


"Dean. Look at what happened to your brother. Right, he was partially tricked into doing what he did, but the fact that you're choosing it out of free will doesn't make it that different."

"There's no other way."

"It will change you."

"I know, but... Cas, dammit, I'm only human, for fuck's sake, how am I supposed to stop..."

"And who says it isn't exactly it?"

Suddenly Dean can't breathe anymore.

"What do you mean?"

Castiel suddenly is closer, way closer, in-his-very-personal-space closer, and Dean should freak out, really freak out, but then he meets Castiel's eyes and there's such determination held in there that he just can't speak.

"Your brother isn't only human, and even if he had good intentions, look where it brought him."

"Yeah, well, the road to hell..."

"Dean. Please stop trying to joke about this. I'm definitely not human and I know I wouldn't stand a chance on my own. My kind... they aren't standing much of a chance, either, no matter what they think. You don't need to be like us. You don't want to be like us, trust me. I think... I think that if you can stop him, and you can because it's your task to accomplish and that's the only thing I'm sure of, it will be because of the... the human you are. Not of what you aren't."

"It can't... I'm not..."

"Dean. Stop this. You are, and don't start talking about righteousness and flaws. You are righteous, and... your flaws are what makes you special. I won't give you any of that, and we will stand as we are."

Dean would object because really, it's just insane and it means throwing away the only chance they have, but he doesn't. Maybe it's because he desperately wants to believe such insanity, or maybe because Castiel looks so convinced of what he's saying that Dean has to believe it; or maybe it's just that while it's completely crazy to think that... the not much he has could stop the freaking apocalypse, knowing that Castiel has such faith in him is enough to make him want to try, at least.

And so he nods and smiles a tiny, weak, smile.

"Fine. Fine, I'll try to kick the bastard's ass just as I am, and let's fuck the rest. But first... can I ask you something?"

Because Dean has wanted to ask Castiel for this since a while (since he started half-trusting the self-righteous son of a bitch, maybe), but then things happened and he never did. But now it's his last chance, so he might as well give it a try.

"Anything you wish," Castiel answers, his tone lacking the tightness of the first time he told Dean those same words and now just firm and sure.

"Can I... uhm. Y'know. See... see your wings? Not that shadow I saw once. I mean, the wings."

Castiel's eyebrow rises for a split second and Dean finds himself staring at the water running down his (or Jimmy Novak's?) face, at the way the droplets get caught in his hair and in his clothes, before the corner of his mouth raises up for a split second before his face gets back to its usual impassive expression.

"It's part of my true form. Would you really risk it?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I would. It's not your whole true form, right?"

"Then... fine, as you wish."

Castiel steps away from the car then (and Dean can't help noticing how much nearer the fire is by now); it's a moment and then light fills his eyes for a couple of seconds, the brightest he has seen since Maryland. Not that Dean has seen much light since Maryland; the days are just gray and the nights are dark, and it rains all the time. Maybe that's why it looks like he has seen the sun briefly again, he thinks. Then the blinding white it's gone and there are two wings stretching wide, so wide, from Castiel's back.

The feathers are of light shades of gray, darker in some points and clearer in others; the wings as a whole are slightly glowing silver, the rain isn't getting them wet and Dean thinks it's the most magnificent sight he ever laid his eyes upon. He takes a couple of steps in Castiel's direction and he's somewhat surprised when Castiel comes closer himself and is in his personal space again, except that the wings are there too and the whole fucking parking lot is glowing, too, and all Dean notices is that suddenly Castiel's clothes are dry again and that he's sort of smiling; and Dean realizes that he's just breathless.

"Fuck. Oh, fuck. If you can't stop him like this, it'll be a freaking miracle if I do."

"And who says that you couldn't perform one?" Castiel whispers, and Dean can't say anything, can't really find words to make Castiel understand that he isn't that person, even if right now he wishes he could be more than anything else.

All he can do is placing his shaky hands on Castiel's waist, hoping that wherever Jimmy Novak is he will understand this; he really doesn't expect it when Castiel's warm, dry hands cup his cheeks and their lips meet as the wings curl around them both. Dean feels them against his back, soft and as deliciously warm as the rest of Castiel's (Jimmy's) body is, before Castiel brings him closer and Dean gives him access with a moan that isn't nothing short of helpless. The kiss starts slow but becomes frantic; Dean can't have enough, not when Castiel's taste is strange and unknown but somewhat appropriate, when after a few seconds he knows he can't have enough, when his hands raise to Castiel's neck and touch a few feathers in the process. And Castiel seems as starved for this as Dean himself is; the wings don't move and Dean thinks that if he could stay like this forever, he'd... well, not sign a deal because that's not the right way to put it, but something close to it.

And then it's over and he remembers that he can't and that he still needs to stop the Apocalypse and that no matter what he wouldn't leave Sam to deal with it alone; also, he doesn't know why but he thinks he might actually do it now, has been thinking it since Castiel kissed him. How, he doesn't have an idea, but he will just take things one at a time.

"Are they near?" he asks, as his arms are back around Castiel's waist and Castiel's hands rest over his neck.

"Yes, I believe they are. So, are you ready?"

"Fuck, no, but alright. Let's just go get Sammy and do this. But..."


"Can you keep these... uhm, like, y'know, out?"

"Well, I said anything you wish, right?"

As the wings slowly unfurl and Dean finds himself back in the parking lot, Castiel shakes his head and that fire is way, way closer now. It's a question of less than an hour by now. Fuck, he thinks, he will really need a miracle to stop this shit; but then again, who knows. The more he looks at Castiel's still form standing in the mid of that sorry parking lot, the more he feels like it isn't such an insane idea.

feeling: rushedrushed
on rotation: long black veil - nick cave & the bad seeds
Sandrine: Dean/Castielsandrine on May 24th, 2009 12:12 pm (UTC)
I was disappointed for a second when the blood sharing didn't happen, but - guh - the scene with the wings is so hot and beautiful and perfect. I love this story; how you make Castiel give Dean the kind of faith in himself and them he needs to do what he has to do. ♥
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural dean/cas riverjanie_tangerine on May 24th, 2009 01:43 pm (UTC)
You know, I was actually tempted to make it happen but then it decided to go another way. ;) But glad that you enjoyed this overall nonetheless! I just think that Dean needs that kind of talk, you know? And as soon as I read that prompt I had to do it, I think I'm developing a thing for the wings. *cough* Thank you so, so much! ♥
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the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural dean/cas finale #1janie_tangerine on May 24th, 2009 01:34 pm (UTC)
Aw, thank you so much! Well, much glad to have sent you flailing here, I'm having too much fun with these two lately. Hi, pairing that ate my head. *cough* Thanks again!! ♥
getting the chocolate in the peanut butter: spn:man&angeldotfic on May 24th, 2009 01:14 pm (UTC)
if you can stop him, and you can because it's your task to accomplish and that's the only thing I'm sure of, it will be because of the... the human you are.

I love this so, so much--I may be the only person in spn fandom who doesn't want Dean to drink Castiel's blood. I like how this is Castiel seeing the strength of who Dean is (as is), that he thinks this is the key. Also, wings, wheee!
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural dean/cas finale #1janie_tangerine on May 24th, 2009 01:28 pm (UTC)
Oh, thanks so much! ♥ I'm kind of on the fence about the blood because while in fic I can find it pretty hot in canon I really don't want Dean to drink it. I love Dean because he's the only human one and that's what makes him special for me, so I kind of am completely with you here. Thanks again, glad that you liked it! ♥
jaekayelle: dean and castiel by hilsjaekayelle on May 24th, 2009 02:00 pm (UTC)
Ooh, lovely lovely fic! I'm glad Dean didn't drink Castiel's blood, partly because I'd find it icky *g*, but mostly because Cas telling Dean to take a stand against Lucifer simply as a human is so wonderful. Yes, let a human destroy Lucifer. That'd be fantastic. Make us all proud, Dean! *g*

Also, the scene with the wings was hot and kind of ethereal, rather appropriate given that an angel is involved. :)
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural dean/castieljanie_tangerine on May 24th, 2009 02:08 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much!

I'm kinda torn whether I find the blood thing icky or hot, I guess it depends if it's written well, but I definitely don't want it to happen in canon for the reasons you said. And yeah, he needs to make us proud as he is! ;) And glad you liked the wings part too, thanks so much again!
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the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural dean/cas finale #1janie_tangerine on May 24th, 2009 11:42 pm (UTC)
Yay for being on the same track! ;) Thanks so much, I'm really glad you liked it! ♥ (and ha, wings are always the best thing, aren't they?)
Cami: spn | dean/cas - heal your heartilovemybaby on May 24th, 2009 03:12 pm (UTC)
This is so going to my mems!!! ♥
Absolutely fabulous! I LOVE the fact that Cas was able to get Dean away from the blood drinking (although that is such a HOT sight, omg), and give him a bit of hope. I LOVE Cas so much for that, you have no idea! He's always there when Dean needs him, and even though he may end up in a bad place because of it, he always makes Dean's wishes. It's just what Dean needs, I think... someone who believes him for who he is, and who says and shows it. Not that Sam doesn't, but you get the picture, right? =P

Seriously, this was completely amazing!! I love the idea of them kissing and being protected by Cas' wings... it's such a lovely mental image to have! ♥ You wrote it all beautifully darling, you have some great talent for words! *hugs you*
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural dean/cas finale #1janie_tangerine on May 24th, 2009 11:51 pm (UTC)
Oh wow, thank you so much! You seriously flatter me really. ♥ ♥

I totally think the same thing about the blood business. While the sight is without a doubt very hot, I just want Dean to stay as he is, you know? (And I want Castiel to stick that in his head too but that's the point I guess ;) )

And oh yeah, I get the picture indeed. Sam does indeed but I think that Castiel can definitely be that person for Dean. He just gives me the impression, you know. *cough*

I got that image as soon as I read that prompt and I just had to go with it, so much glad to hear you did like it!! And thank you so much again for the lovely comment, it seriously made my evening and probably will do also for my day tomorrow. ♥
bachlava: Impalabachlava on May 24th, 2009 05:47 pm (UTC)
Ooh, this is lovely! You've got such a perfect hold on Dean - he's trying to get control of his issues, and he's doing the best he can, but nothing is easy for him... including relying on Castiel. I'm very glad you had Cas veto the blood-drinking. Dean is convincing as being at the point where he'd contemplate it, and that's interesting, but the premise that it would actually work (or work well) is a good one to see rejected, I think. And as for the wings and the glory... oh, my goodness. Incredible. Absolutely incredible. And yay for wing!fic that keeps in mind that the angels' wings function like birds' wings (locomotion and wrapping) rather than a prehensile way like bats' - why else would they take on an appearance with hands, for goodness' sake? (Erm... I am quite possibly the only person in the entire world who thinks like that, aren't I?) Point is: wonderful fic; so many thanks for sharing it.
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural castieljanie_tangerine on May 24th, 2009 11:59 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much!! And I'm really so happy you liked it. And that you like my Dean voice because I just find him great to write. He's awesome. And easier than Cas ;), and you're totally right about pretty much nothing being easy for the poor guy. I have to say that while I can like the occasional blood-drinking fic if it's done right I just don't want it to happen in canon, also because Dean is great as he is even if he doesn't believe it. Also, yay for bird!wings because no, I'm the other person in the world who thinks that angels do not have bat wings and that they are like birds also for the higher body temperature *cough* erm, sorry we were saying? Ah, yes, thank you so much again for such a great comment, I'm not worthy. ♥
bachlava: Impalabachlava on May 25th, 2009 02:47 am (UTC)
Ha! Glad to know I'm not the only bat geek in fandom... YAY BATS! (Although many birds are nice as well.) And you are indeed worthy, I promise you.

Semi-related note... if you're reading any Lost these days, I finally finished that bloody albatross of a Frank fic, so if you were planning on reading it, it's now up. And if you weren't planning on reading it, it's still up, only it's a matter of indifference. Ah, life's little distinctions...
the female ghost of tom joad: ILUjanie_tangerine on May 25th, 2009 06:49 am (UTC)
Oh, I had that fic bookmarked. Actually I'm on it in half an hour, sorry but this weekend has been crazy and now that I think about it, I had read the second part and completely forgot to comment on it. Am I stupid sometimes. *cough* ;)

And ha, no, you totally aren't. ;)
bachlava: Frankbachlava on May 25th, 2009 05:14 pm (UTC)
Am I stupid sometimes. *cough* ;)
No you're not! I'm now sort of proud that two people have read that fic - although that might have been a warning side for me to quit while I wasn't too far behind...
9_of_clubs9_of_clubs on May 25th, 2009 03:04 am (UTC)
ooo the wings are lovely <33 I want to see his wings! Very nice job ^.^
the female ghost of tom joad: tangerinesjanie_tangerine on May 25th, 2009 06:50 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! <3
Zelda: Cas Wingszelda_zee on May 25th, 2009 09:28 am (UTC)
Aww, what a lovely, hopeful fic! And the wings, I loved that part!
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural castieljanie_tangerine on May 25th, 2009 09:37 am (UTC)
Thanks! Jesus, after the finale I just can't get them out of my head. And I want them to get some hopeful really. Much glad that you liked it! ♥
All the wine is all for me: Castiel wings by Sheaburkesl17 on May 26th, 2009 03:21 pm (UTC)
Lovely description of Castiel's wings.
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural castieljanie_tangerine on May 26th, 2009 05:20 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much, glad you liked it! <3
lover all aloneinvisiblelove on May 23rd, 2010 03:06 pm (UTC)
So obviously I'm late to the party - but I just found this in my "to read" folder and absolutely loved it <333

All he can do is placing his shaky hands on Castiel's waist, hoping that wherever Jimmy Novak is he will understand this; he really doesn't expect it when Castiel's warm, dry hands cup his cheeks and their lips meet as the wings curl around them both.
GUUUUUUUUUUUUH this whole paragraph. Wings. WINGS.

Beautiful job :)
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural dean/cas finale #2janie_tangerine on May 23rd, 2010 09:43 pm (UTC)
Late feedback = always welcomed. ;) ;) Thank you so very much, I'm so glad that you liked it! :D And ha, I don't write much wing fic but I reaaaally liked that prompt. ;) Thanks again! :D