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01 June 2009 @ 11:06 pm
fic, supernatural: A Job Well Done (Dean/Castiel, Uriel, John & everyone else), pg13, crack  
Title: A Job Well Done
Rating: PG13 for some swearing
Pairing/Characters: Dean/Castiel, John, Uriel, Sam, Anna, Jimmy, Bobby, God (really), a lot of other mentions.
Words: 2128
Summary: things don't go exactly smooth at the reception of Dean and Castiel's bonding ceremony. Blame a reintegrated Uriel and a not-very-enthusiast John Winchester.
Spoilers: for the whole of S4. Then... crack speculation I guess.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the crack, and not even the basic idea since it was a prompt.
A/N: written for the Dean/Castiel kink meme for the prompt Uriel and John Winchester: probably not the best guys to end up seated together at Dean & Castiel's wedding/bonding/commitment reception. Considering that God has a huge role in this, I probably went blasphemous. Also, crack. Using for sacred_20, sanctuary. It's set in a church, after all.

"And just what are you planning to do about that blasphemous, angel-defiling little pervert of a son of yours?" Uriel spat, looking not really comfortable in his pristine white suit as he sat across the table from the elder Winchester.

"Here's a thought: how about you telling me what you're going to do to keep your horny little feather-brained bastard of a brother away from my son?" John Winchester replied, looking way smarter and way less self conscious in his usual jeans and leather jacket, because like hell he was going to wear a suit.

"Christ, Dad, can it," Sam hissed from John's side, looking not to pleased.

"Uriel, stop pushing it, won't you?" Anna said, eying the reintegrated angel on her side with an air of pure annoyance.

"Christ, what idjits," Bobby (who was wearing a perfectly smart gray suit and his favorite baseball hat) muttered before elbowing John hard.

This, while in a corner of the parsonage of Jimmy Novak's church in Pontiac, Illinois, which wasn't exactly a small room even if the congregation was anything but important, the blasphemous angel-defiling pervert and the little feather-brained bastard were currently engaged in a slow, satisfied kiss which was currently making most of the women in the room (Ellen and Jo included) pretty much swoon. Well, right, that including Jimmy Novak and his wife too, even if an exact duplicate of his was currently engaged in said kissing.

Right. Maybe it's better to take a step back for a second.

See, in the end, before the Apocalypse could really swing in full force but when things had gone far enough, the truth came out. And the truth wasn't that God had left the building. The truth was that God had temporarily left the building. The fact that temporarily meant some thousand years or so didn't mean that it wasn't, indeed, temporarily. And as He found out that an Apocalypse had started without His consent, and without even a proper Antichrist for that matter, you will realize that He wasn't very happy about it. Not to mention the fact that you can't exactly bring the Apocalypse forward if both parts don't agree with it, and He most definitely did not and He still was God, dammit. Which automatically translated in Lucifer being forced to get back home and wait another four thousand years at last, thus averting the Apocalypse altogether.

Now, of course He wasn't exactly happy about a lot of his angels' behavior; which translated in, well, quite a lot of automatic falls, and the creation of a new, luxuriant tropical forest somewhere in Africa. And that was for the righteous punishments. But then, He saw fit to reward who had been on the right side all that time, which brings us to the main point of our story. Because, as you can imagine, Castiel and Dean Winchester and his brother and Anna and quite a lot of other people definitely belonged to the right side, and He definitely intended to grant for them whatever they wished for such a good service. Anna was then fully reintegrated and Sam had been extremely happy to know that finally all his blood was human again; and then, here comes the juicy part.

Because, somewhere in between Lucifer rising and God putting things right, Dean and Castiel had definitely fallen in love, or maybe better, they admitted it for good, or maybe even better, they realized what the hell was that tension which brought them to stare into each others' eyes more than necessary (right, fine, not to mention that Castiel had forsaken Heaven for Dean and all that jazz). And after almost coming very, very close to dying both (because seriously, Castiel had run some serious risks there and Dean, well, fine, he had died once but he had doubted that he would survive an apocalypse even if he was set on trying to stop it) they were pretty much set on being serious about their, well, relationship. Now, He was more than pleased to see such love (after all, they both were His creatures, even if of different kinds), and their story was really so romantic, and He definitely blessed their decision; but, there came the not-so-small problem of Castiel using a vessel. Surely it wouldn't have been fair to the poor man, who was still trapped there. But, since God is God and seriously, if He can't do anything then no one can, and since He had figured that Castiel had grown attached to his human aspect, He just created another vessel in every way similar to the previous one for Castiel to use.

(It caused a weird scene when Jimmy got back to his family with Dean, Castiel and Sam driving him; well, it wasn't like he ever had a twin, so Amelia's confusion had been more than understandable.)

Then God asked if they wished for something else and Castiel asked forgiveness for his oldest friend Uriel, who had been in the wrong but surely would have made his amends, if given the chance; and God said fine and that was how Uriel got back in the garrison, even if he never could pretty much get Castiel's very angelic speech about forgiveness.

Then, since it turned out that it wasn't a fling but that they really were committed, both Dean and Castiel wished for a bonding ceremony (wedding sounded a bit too much and seriously, Dean had his limits still, not to mention that it was even more less-legal anyway), and that was when Jimmy suggested his church and Dean had asked whether his dad could attend the ceremony. Which was a pretty understandable request, and can you refuse it to a guy who was almost stopping the Apocalypse on his own, or trying to anyway?

Sure, the poor priest had fainted twice (first when he met Jimmy Novak's twin, and then when he was told that in truth he was an angel who wished for a religious ceremony), but in three days everything was set up and the actual ceremony had gone pretty much smoothly. Sam had been Dean's best man while Anna had been Castiel's; meanwhile, John and Uriel had sat in the front row along with the Roadhouse survivors, while the rest of the crowd included most of the angelic garrison, the Novaks, some girls (apparently single mothers) whose life Dean saved who had brought along a lot of children (including two who ended up bonding on discussing whether Led Zeppelin is better than ACDC or the other way around), the whole Ghostfacers team and of course Bobby Singer, who had kind of accompanied Dean until the church's door before getting in from the side.

John wasn't exactly too happy when he heard that his son was basically engaged with an angel, and one who didn't look half interesting at all. Not to mention that Dean looked at him the way John had only seen him looking at that Cassie girl long ago and then it wasn't as intense, and it seriously freaked him out. (And it takes a lot to freak John Winchester out.) Still, Dean had seemed so happy while kissing the feather-brained bastard after they said vows or whatever the hell it was that John had just shut up and clapped his hands. While Uriel.. well, what Uriel thought of Dean isn't exactly the third secret of Fatima. Still, Castiel or his new form or whatever the hell it was looked so, so content as he kissed that blasphemous pervert that he had just half clapped his hands along with the rest and just felt disgust when a girl behind him started swooning.

And then the reception was held in the priest's parsonage, and that's when things arrived at the point we were, since of course there was a table for the newly-bonded and one for their families, which in Castiel's case consisted in Anna and Uriel (more or less) and in Dean's in Sam, John and Bobby.

And the problem was, John didn't really like that self-righteous angelic dick in front of him (the girl was actually okay), and Uriel had definitely understood a good half of the reason he couldn't stand Dean Winchester.

"Don't dare talking about our brother that way, John Winchester. Castiel surely doesn't have any feather in his brain and before meeting your son, he was everything but horny."

"Are you suggesting that my son corrupted your brother?"

"Well, then you're not as much of an idiot mud-monkey as it seemed like."

"How did you call me, you..."

"I will call you as it pleases me, mortal. And I seriously can't stomach them. I mean, Castiel was a true warrior before he got that blasted assignment. And look at him now, getting all soft with..."

"Hey, I can say the same thing about Dean! Sure as hell when I was around he never acted so girlish with any-fucking-one and he'd have never even thought about a bonding reception, dammit."

Bobby rolled his eyes and muttered idjts again, but he didn't have the patience to try and stop John again. It wasn't like he didn't know John Winchester; he wasn't going to shut up anyway even if it implied insulting an angel, though well... maybe considering Uriel's record it wasn't such a crime. Whatever.

Sam sighed and looked in Anna's direction as she sighed with him; then they looked at John and Uriel arguing still about whom corrupted whom first and shook their heads in resignation.

"Sorry for dad. He really doesn't get it, I guess."

"Sorry for Uriel. I mean, you know."

"Yeah, I do. But... whatever. Let them argue. It's not like..."

"Like what?"

Sam shrugged and turned into the room's corner direction, where Castiel (who had thankfully left the trench coat somewhere settling just for the suit) and Dean (who, of course, had gone in jeans and leather jacket) were standing, Castiel's arms around Dean's waist. They were still kissing slowly, not minding the few people still staring; Dean's hands were on Castiel's cheeks and Sam couldn't remember his brother looking so... well, happy since too much time to even try to recall. And Castiel, well, Castiel was practically beaming.

"Like they'd give a damn. I mean, look at them. They're... they just look happy, you know?"

Anna smiled at the sight and turned back to Sam. "Yeah, they just do."

"I mean, Dean's turned into a fucking pile of mush! You need to keep that angel out of his reach!"

"Why, don't you know how I tried? That filthy bastard son of yours made him almost human, if you don't realize it!"

Bobby rolled his eyes again and when he spotted Ellen sitting at the table nearby he was quick to catch the occasion and asked her if she fancied a dance just as soon as some friend of Jimmy's who surely lacked a sense of humor put on Fly Me To The Moon (and Sam felt thankful when no angels started to put out wings. That'd have been weird). Then Uriel argued that it surely had been Dean corrupting Castiel first, angels can't corrupt anyway, and Sam decided that he had had enough but that he wasn't going to argue with his dad while he was there and settled on asking Anna for a dance, which she accepted even too eagerly. The two didn't even realize that they were alone at the table when Jimmy passed by, an arm around his wife's waist.

"I see you two are having fun. Family bonding times, right? You should have seen us when we married, right Amelia?"

She nodded and started giggling and John figured they were both somewhat drunk. Especially since he was grinning like an idiot, too, and wasn't it creepy enough that he was identical to the... whatever it was now that his son got engaged to.

"But really, you should just be happy for them. Christ, you don't know how much I spent giving Castiel romantic advice when he was inside me. But I guess he did learn the lesson, huh? Well, guess I'll leave you to... bonding. And we're going to have a dance, right?"

Amelia nodded and he led her away from the table; John turned to Uriel and raised one eyebrow.

"... maybe it's his fault."

"Mh. Maybe you're right."

"Can we do something?"

"No. He's under His protection."

"Dammit. Oh, well, just fuck this. How about something strong?" John asked, noticing the lonely, full bottle of whiskey on their table. Let Dean be the one to convince a priest to fill his parish with alcohol.

(John had this idea that between the alcohol, a bonding reception between two males, even if one was an angel, the crowd that filled the parsonage and the general atmosphere, this had to be the weirdest sanctuary ever existed. It was still a church, dammit. Ah, well. The least of his problems.)

"... oh, whatever, fine. Just hand it over."

John did, and God couldn't help congratulating himself on a job well done.

End.
 
 
feeling: pensivepensive
on rotation: random mozart
 
 
 
kira_bouviea on June 1st, 2009 09:40 pm (UTC)
THIS IS SO EPIC IT REQUIRES CAPSLOCK!
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural castiel is a sane beingjanie_tangerine on June 1st, 2009 09:55 pm (UTC)
OMG YAY THEN CAPSLOCK IT SHALL BE! ;) MUCH GLAD YOU LIKED IT! ♥
(no subject) - kira_bouviea on June 2nd, 2009 04:58 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - janie_tangerine on June 2nd, 2009 08:15 am (UTC) (Expand)
Elven Rangernightswhisper on June 1st, 2009 09:58 pm (UTC)
...the craaaaaaaaack....the craaaaaaaack....*goes off laughing and grinning like a mad woman*
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural castiel is a sane beingjanie_tangerine on June 1st, 2009 10:12 pm (UTC)
Heeeeee, crack is my drug of choice. ;) Glad you liked it!!
9_of_clubs9_of_clubs on June 1st, 2009 10:10 pm (UTC)
OMG <33333333333333333333333333 That was adorably fantastically insanly adorable. I love John and Uriel and Anna and Sam - heheheheheh and Cas and Dean *sigh* trueeee love ^.^ This was great - I vote this for the series finale XD
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural bon jovi rocksjanie_tangerine on June 1st, 2009 10:13 pm (UTC)
LOL, I'm with you! Well, if this really happens I'm suing Kripke, we all know they read fanfiction after all... ;) But seriously, thanks so much! Yeah, true love indeed *sigh* and much glad you liked this craziness!
Hana of the Clan Anorexi-Lion: what the effin crapc00kie on June 1st, 2009 10:19 pm (UTC)
This made my day a lot brighter. Awesome, just awesome!


the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural castiel is a sane beingjanie_tangerine on June 1st, 2009 10:26 pm (UTC)
Very much glad to hear so, thank you!
Zugma: D/Cuglybusiness on June 1st, 2009 10:19 pm (UTC)
*dies laughing* God, this is epic! :D
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural dean/cas finale #2janie_tangerine on June 1st, 2009 10:26 pm (UTC)
Aw, thank you so much! ♥
samara_draven: ruby lipssamara_draven on June 2nd, 2009 03:46 am (UTC)
This made me laugh out loud, so hard. I woke up poor hubby...

Fave bit: Amelia nodded and he led her away from the table; John turned to Uriel and raised one eyebrow.

"... maybe it's his fault."

"Mh. Maybe you're right."

"Can we do something?"

"No. He's under His protection."

"Dammit. Oh, well, just fuck this. How about something strong?" John asked,



LMAO! I'd pat God on the back for a job well done too! ;)
the female ghost of tom joad: tangerinesjanie_tangerine on June 2nd, 2009 08:16 am (UTC)
Heeee, thanks so much and ouch, I'm sorry for your hubby but not exactly sorry if you had a laugh. ;)

And HA, I'd totally give him a pat on the back too. ;) Thank you!
luminare_ardualuminare_ardua on June 2nd, 2009 07:08 pm (UTC)
ROFLMAO I was literally rolling on my back (fortunately on the couch) laughing like a hyena, and my legs were kicking in the air after every paragraph, and have just recovered enough sobriety and sanity to type this review. Off to laugh some more and massage the stitch in my side and make up for the air lost to laughing...

*dies laughing*
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural crackjanie_tangerine on June 2nd, 2009 07:44 pm (UTC)
OMG this comment totally made my evening. For realz. Thank you so much!! Sorry for hurting your poor stitch but I'm only too happy if this had such a reaction from you! ;) ;) Thanks again!!!
Cherise: Dean/Castiel - cherazz on July 25th, 2009 06:45 pm (UTC)
Aw, this was really cute and pretty humorous too =P What a crowd inside that poor little church xD

"Bobby (who was wearing a perfectly smart gray suit and his favorite baseball hat) muttered before elbowing John hard."
- Hahahaha I love this! That is soooo Bobby! Hat FTW!

"He most definitely did not and He still was God, dammit. Which automatically translated in Lucifer being forced to get back home and wait another four thousand years at last, thus averting the Apocalypse altogether."
- No, wait, correction, God FTW! I love this part xD Made me chuckle! Wouldn't that be grand?

"…or maybe even better, they realized what the hell was that tension which brought them to stare into each others' eyes more than necessary (right, fine, not to mention that Castiel had forsaken Heaven for Dean and all that jazz)."
- ROFL! Eye!sex is love♥

""Don't dare talking about our brother that way, John Winchester. Castiel surely doesn't have any feather in his brain and before meeting your son, he was everything but horny.""
- LMAO, especially at the last part xD Can you imagine Uriel saying this? xDDD

Nicely done!
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural castiel is a sane beingjanie_tangerine on July 27th, 2009 11:59 pm (UTC)
Lol, the poor little church's walls will have something to tell, won't they? Thank you so much, I'm so happy that you liked it!

You totally know that Bobby would never take that hat off. Even if dressed in a suit. ;)

And HA, yeah, God can totally be ftw. I'd totally love that if it happened on the show actually. Do you imagine the riot?

Eye sex mentions are always good, aren't they? ;)

And HA, glad you liked that part!!! I sort of was liking how the whole dialogue went and you know that Uriel saying that would win. ;) Thanks again!
(no subject) - cherazz on July 28th, 2009 01:10 am (UTC) (Expand)
ed_hued_hu on August 26th, 2009 07:08 pm (UTC)
I really really loved this, made me laugh so much! You are awsome! May I please please translate this?
hm... I think I better send you a formal letter about it too.

Thanks for making my day! :)
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural castiel is a sane beingjanie_tangerine on August 27th, 2009 04:51 pm (UTC)
Answering both at the comment and at your PM here ;)

First of all, thank you so much! I'm really happy you enjoyed my crack, lol. ♥ And about the translating, of course you can! I'm absolutely honored really, and it's just flattering that you liked it this much. ;) I'd love to have a link if you re-post it just to read how it sounds in Hungarian but apart from that you have my blessing. ;) Thanks again!
thimpressionist on January 19th, 2010 10:27 pm (UTC)
Wandered over by a rec, because I'm strangely obsessed with the idea of John meeting Castiel and
OMG YAY! THIS IS SO FREAKING CUTE I DON'T EVEN!

I am sitting here with the biggest grin on my face. So thank you for writing this lovely fic. :)
the female ghost of tom joad: beatlesjanie_tangerine on January 19th, 2010 11:46 pm (UTC)
Oh wow, this got recced somewhere? I had no idea, lol. But heee, much glad that it fit the bill!

And thank you so much, I'm really glad you liked it. ;) My pleasure!
:) - thimpressionist on January 20th, 2010 04:35 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: :) - janie_tangerine on January 20th, 2010 11:53 am (UTC) (Expand)
CLASP ON BB, CLASP ON - thimpressionist on January 23rd, 2010 07:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: :) - thimpressionist on January 23rd, 2010 07:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
iamalaiamala on September 12th, 2012 04:52 pm (UTC)
John would definitely freak out. :)
anonymousedwardanonymousedward on February 18th, 2013 08:19 am (UTC)
John and Uriel are my new BroTP
fireflybanner on March 12th, 2017 06:30 pm (UTC)
I am smiling So hard, my face hurts.
Thanks!