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14 March 2010 @ 10:14 pm
fic, Supernatural: Machinery: A Love Story (Impala/Sam's laptop,), PG, for the otp meme  
JFC this is the crackiest thing I'll ever... I don't even know if I should cross-post it. Or where. Seriously.

Title: Machinery: A Love Story
Pairing: Impala/Sam's laptop, plus Dean, Sam and Castiel star
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 1200
Summary: “Jesus, Sammy,” Dean says, “only your laptop could court my car while playing Bon Jovi only.”
Warnings: crack. Crack. Crack. Look at the pairing. Crack.. Did I warn you? Yes I did.
Spoilers: if you know the S5 premises you're kind of safe. Nothing after 5x03 anyway.
Disclaimer: SPN isn't mine. None of the songs mentioned is either.
A/N: for pnr who asked for it at the OTP meme. Stupid me for saying stupid cracky things when I know she takes me seriously. I don't even know. I mean, I don't even know. And I know it isn't a drabble or even a ficlet but I need some words to justify this shit.

When it starts, they both miss the first signs.

Well, you have to admit that if Sam has the laptop on his knees and researches omens while Dean is driving and suddenly the laptop starts blasting out Bon Jovi’s Thank You For Loving Me and Sam says that the thing did it on its own, it’s just normal that Dean can’t really believe him.

One, because laptops don’t start playing music on their own.

Two, because his brother is enough of a girl that Dean can absolutely believe that he has that joke of a song on his computer.

And well, he had sped up a bit, so it was perfectly natural that the car’s engine would purr a little louder. Dean knows his baby well and it’s nothing out of the ordinary.

So, those were the first signs and they totally missed them.

--

Then again, that night Dean is woken up by goddamn Jon Bon Jovi singing I’ll Be There For You.

“Sam, shut that fucking laptop down! I don’t need to hear that when I’m fucking trying to sleep!”

Sam mutters something about this being utterly weird and not having that song anyway; he turns the laptop off, but then he realizes that there’s some other music coming from outside. IT’s muffled, kind of like from the parking lot, and paying attention, he realizes that it’s Led Zeppelin’s Since I’ve Been Loving You. He looks outside the window and gapes.

“Dean. You left the fucking radio on!”

“What?!” Dean shouts. And fuck this, the music is actually from the Impala. Except that Dean is sure that he had locked the doors and shut the engine down, not to mention that he wasn’t even listening to Led Zeppelin during the trip.

He shakes his head and goes to close the music, hoping that they don’t get thrown out for that.

--

During the next week, it get worse. When the laptop starts playing Never Say Goodbye and the Metallica tape in the dashboard suddenly starts playing Kiss’ I Was Made For Loving You, Dean raises an eyebrow at Sam, who raises an eyebrow back.

“Sam, did some goddamn son of a bitch put a spell on my car?”

“Dean, did someone put a spell on my laptop?” they say at the same time.

The laptop switches to In These Arms. The car’s tape to Boston’s More Than A Feeling.

Alright, this is fucking wrong.

--

They do all the possible tests, EMF included, but there’s no sign of ghosts. They call Bobby, who first laughs, then says that they’re idjits, then says that he doesn’t have an idea but he’ll look into it and by the way, they’re really idjits, and then closes the call.

“Dean, you think we should call Cas?” Sam asks. “Maybe he knows.”

“Dude. He’s searching for God. We can’t call him because your laptop knows your musical taste too well for some reason.”

“Fuck you,” Sam answers earnestly, but Dean has a point. This isn’t dangerous, or at least, it isn’t yet. There’s no need to call Cas, especially because last time he had said he had a good lead.

--

During the next week, Dean learns to memorize all the cheesiest cheese that Bon Jovi ever cheesed, because Sam’s laptop is so lame that it can’t even do variety. (The fact that Sam called it Richie Sambora just speaks for itself, even if Sam won’t ever admit that he did it. Sometimes Dean wonders how Lucifer would even want to possess his brother.) Sam, on his part, is sick of the mix of Led Zeppelin, Aerosmith, Boston, and the three proper love songs Guns n’ Roses ever made playing on that goddamn radio. But even if they turn laptop and engine off, respectively, they’ll start again at random.

They really need to find out what the fuck is going on.

--

Then, on the 15th day, Cas pops up in the backseat.

He has barely managed to say that the lead wasn’t that good but that he wanted to check in with them before attempting a new one when the laptop starts playing Welcome To Wherever You Are and the tape in the dashboard switches from Grateful Dead to the Beatles’ Love Me Do.

“Oh, fuck!” Dean shouts, trying not to crash the car; Cas raises an eyebrow and Sam turns to him, shaking his head.

“This, I believe, is not usual,” Cas deadpans, and Sam nods.

“It’s crazy. I mean, they start this on their own and have been doing it for weeks by now. The car and the computer, I mean. You don’t happen to have an idea why? It’s positively driving us crazy.”

Cas doesn’t say anything but when Dean attempts to close the radio he stops him from doing so; after one minute, he raises his head and tells Dean to pull over.

“Why should I?”

“I believe I know what’s going on, but I would rather say it while you are not driving.”

Dean shrugs and pulls over. “So?”

“Dean, I believe that your car and your brother’s computer are… courting each other.”

Silence falls into the car.

It lasts for about ten seconds.

Then the laptop blasts out It’s My Life and the radio turns itself on playing Scorpions’ Rock You Like A Hurricane.

“They’re what?” Dean and Sam scream at the same time, mostly to cover the music.

“Courting each other,” Cas says as it’s a matter of fact. “Apparently, they both realized their feelings around three weeks ago and they now wish to make a step from theory towards practice, but you keep them separated and that’s how they express their affection towards each other.”

“What do you mean with practice?” Sam asks, with the face of someone who dreads the answer.

Cas doesn’t answer for a second. Then nods. “They wish to copulate.”

The laptop suddenly switches to Bon Jovi’s Let’s Make It Baby, which Sam hadn’t even known existed until now, and the car to Alice Cooper’s Trash.

“I think I might want to throw up,” Dean says.

“Would it solve this?” Sam asks instead, deciding to go with the crazy.

“I believe it would satisfy them at least for a while.”

--

That night, they squat in an abandoned warehouse. Sam charges the laptop fully and then, shaking his head, turns it on and places it on the front seat. Dean turns the engine on and then they all go back into the house. As soon as the three of them are in, All About Loving You blasts from the laptop.

The car’s engine literally purrs as The Lemon Song starts playing.

“Jesus, Sammy,” Dean says, “only your laptop could court my car while playing Bon Jovi only.”

“Well, only your car could play fucking Alice Cooper to say she… it wants to copulate.”

“I just believe they’re channeling you two in order to communicate,” Cas answers calmly, like there’s nothing wrong at all with this shit.

Ah well, Dean thinks, it’s not like he and Sam won’t have to pay for years of therapy anyway after this whole clusterfuck is over, if it’s ever over.

The laptop suddenly starts playing Save The World.

Dean is now 100% positive that by now their life defines crazy.

End.
 
 
feeling: guiltyguilty
on rotation: random classical
 
 
 
Kros_21kros_21 on March 14th, 2010 09:16 pm (UTC)
Pairing: Impala/Sam's laptop.

Cioè Lavi..... qui stiamo degenerando. XD
the female ghost of tom joad: j2janie_tangerine on March 14th, 2010 09:18 pm (UTC)
ERA UNA REQUEST! NON E' COLPA MIA! E purtroppo mi ci sono messa dentro da sola, dannazione a me XDD giuro non l'avrei mai fatto altrimenti!! XDD

(comunque sì, stiamo degenerando XD)
(Deleted comment)
bold_seer: otpbold_seer on March 14th, 2010 09:32 pm (UTC)
Cas's cell phone is the awkward third wheel

Chaperone, surely you mean chaperone?

Threesome?
(Deleted comment)
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural -> generaljanie_tangerine on March 14th, 2010 09:43 pm (UTC)
People, don't -- you don't want you. You really don't want to.

Do you?

*cough*

(I mean, I did THIS, I guess one COULD do that with the cellphone. STILL.)
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural dean/cas bffs <3janie_tangerine on March 14th, 2010 09:44 pm (UTC)
Oh God now I have the image and.. and... And DON'T DO THAT TO ME. OTHERWISE I MIGHT ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT IT AND I'M NOT SURE IT'S A SANE OPTION.
bold_seer: otpbold_seer on March 14th, 2010 09:58 pm (UTC)
The Impala never bottoms - that much I know.

...

Not from personal experience, I assure you.

Team electronic - toys? Is that an incoming call, or are you that happy to see me?
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural -> generaljanie_tangerine on March 14th, 2010 09:45 pm (UTC)
Buaha, I aim to amuse. Or please. Or provide the crack. Whatever. ;) Much glad you liked it though!!! ;)

(Oh God. Now I'm having threesome thoughts and ARGH NO. Team robotic free will? XDDDDDDDDDDD)
bold_seer: otpbold_seer on March 14th, 2010 09:29 pm (UTC)
YOU MEAN THERE'S NO IMPALA/LAPTOP COMM? SERIOUSLY? WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

“Dean, I believe that your car and your brother’s computer are… courting each other.”

Silence falls into the car.


I don't even know what to say, except that you crack me up so much.

So much.
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural -> generaljanie_tangerine on March 14th, 2010 09:46 pm (UTC)
NO THERE ISN'T! I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THERE'S A SPN CRACK COMMUNITY! WHERE THE FUCK DO I CROSS-POST THIS? XDDD

And ha, I aim to please. ;) Thank you!! Much glad you had a laugh. ;) <33333333333333
wanna see a magic trick?: casphoenixangel13 on March 14th, 2010 09:37 pm (UTC)
XD i cannot laugh as much as i need to because i am around family, but oh my god. this is hilarious. and is probably the first fic of it's kind to not make me feel like my brain is broken, which is a nice change. just... god, the lemon song, channeling dean and sam, so hilarious.
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural castiel wingsjanie_tangerine on March 14th, 2010 09:51 pm (UTC)
Eeeeeh, I get that. Watching Chuck with family around causes the same effects. ;) Thanks so much, I'm so glad you had a laugh out of this! LOL, I swear I don't even know where it came from but it's awesome to know it works for you. And you know that those two would channel the owners, lolol.
Pocki: misc - Strange things need love toopnr on March 14th, 2010 09:41 pm (UTC)
I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!
THIS IS AMAZING!

ADSFKJHALDJSFGTEJLSHGTJHH!!

You probably know that one of the most beautiful things I know is robots fallign in love. This is probably as close as you can get along thos elines with SPN.
Also? The fact that Cas can communicate with tech and mech makes my heart melt.

You relieved my exam tension through insane amount of giggles. Thank you.
THIS IS MY NEW OTP FOREVER AND EVER.

...AND I WILL NEVER WATCH SPN THE SAME WAY AGAIN

I NEED AN ICON
the female ghost of tom joad: ILUjanie_tangerine on March 14th, 2010 09:54 pm (UTC)
EEEEEEEEEEEEEH, I LOVE YOU TOO. ;) AND MUCH GLAD IT PLEASED YOU! :DDDD

*smirks at the keysmash*

And indeed it is <33 and ha, lol, yeah, you do have a point about this being the closest you can get with that show. And of course Cas can communicate with them! It's one of his amazing shiny skills!! ;) *loves Cas too*

Relieving tension is always a pleasure. ;) And if you had more than a laugh then I'm totally accomplished. AND OMG YES OTP MUCH? XDDDD

... I DON'T KNOW IF I EVER WILL TOO DAMN. AND IF YOU MAKE THAT ICON I'LL PROBABLY USE IT, LOL.
Fangirlage like WHOA.: SPN // Dean - A Wish Your Heart Makeshopelessfangirl on March 14th, 2010 11:55 pm (UTC)
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL THIS IS EPIC.

Figures that Cas would know what's going on. Make a pop culture reference, he looks at you like you have five heads, but laptop/car courtship? Oh yeah, no big. XD ♥

YOU ARE ON A SPECIAL KIND OF CRACK, MY DEAR, AND I LOVE IT.
the female ghost of tom joad: beatlesjanie_tangerine on March 15th, 2010 12:59 pm (UTC)
EEEEEEEEEEH THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I'M VERY HAPPY THAT YOU THINK SO. ;) ;)

And of course. He'd be so like 'well, what? They love each other, sure thing, and no, I didn't understand that other reference' lolol. ;) ♥

I KNOW THAT. THE PROBLEM IS THAT IT'S MY BRAIN. MAYBE IT'S SCARY. XD ♥
escilas on March 15th, 2010 09:51 pm (UTC)
Christ on a bleeding bicycle! I didn't saw that one coming!

I'm all up for the Impalla/Laptop/Cell. Oh, dear... an image of the Laptop powered by the Impala, while the Cell is USB-plugged to the Laptop. I don't know if I should classify that as Dirty or Insane! xD

Oh, I loved the songs selection. Dude... I don't have the words to comment properly, this is just too crazy...!

Very well written, crazyness aside. Had me smiling thru the whole thing! Keep 'em coming, please :)
the female ghost of tom joad: beatlesjanie_tangerine on March 15th, 2010 11:10 pm (UTC)
Believe me, I didn't either. I'm partly to blame because I threw it out as absolute crack but then I got stuck writing it, too, lol. But I totally hadn't seen that coming too. ;)

an image of the Laptop powered by the Impala, while the Cell is USB-plugged to the Laptop. I don't know if I should classify that as Dirty or Insane! xD

Go with dirty. It's AWESOME, but since I think it is, then if it was insane then it'd make me insane by default too and uh, let's say it's hot instead. ;) And ha, the song selection was my favorite part, but when I can geek out on the subject I take the chance. ;)

And thank you! I'll see what I can do about the cellphone, lol. Glad you liked it and that you had a laugh! :D