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08 May 2010 @ 04:42 pm
fic, Supernatural: I've come to say exactly what I mean... (Dean/Castiel), NC17  
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LJ-WIFE!!!!!!!!!!! <3333333333333333

And this'd be, er, what I have.

Title: I've come to say exactly what I mean (and I mean so many things)
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Words: 5765
Summary: The phone rings for the first time, after one week’s worth of voicemails left to a message that says, I don't understand, why do you want me to say my name?
Spoilers: er, for 5x20. AU from there since the last episode doesn't comply with it but I started it before. ;)
Disclaimer: Do not own, do not own, do not own.
A/N: birthday fic for my lovely lj-wife _izu_ because I promised her phone sex ages ago and I finally deliver. Even if late. I will also write you that other one, I swear, but for now I hope this suffices? Happy birthday!!!!! <3333333333333333333333333333 Title shamelessly stolen from this song. (PS: it's an excellent song.)

The phone rings for the first time, (it’s I Shall Be Released, by The Band, live from somewhere, because yes, Dean has a ringtone for Cas which Cas actually chose himself, and yes, he knows that it’s kind of chick flick, thank you very much), after one week’s worth of voicemails left to a message that says, I don't understand, why do you want me to say my name?

(Cas? Cas? I didn’t say yes. Are you okay? Call as soon as you can.

Cas? It’s Dean. If that other message didn’t arrive… I didn’t do it. Check in, okay?

Cas, dammit, say something. We can’t track you down and we tried. Please. Call.

Cas. Gabriel, he… he showed up last day. Saved our asses against Lucifer. He’s… he’s dead. He gave us some clue on what to do, though. If you don’t know that already… well, there it is. Call me when you get this, okay?

Cas? Please, fuck, tell me you’re getting these. Text. I dunno. We’re so out of resources that we had to side with fucking Crowley. Where the hell are you?

Cas, dammit, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I ever thought about saying yes. I know you’re pissed, but… and I get that you want out, if you do, but at least let me say sorry to your face, okay? Nothing more than that, really. I just need to know that you’re – beep.

Cas? Please. Just don’t be dead. Once was enough. Don’t, okay? Christ. I can’t. You can’t. If you aren’t, call? Please.

Cas? I’m fucking begging you, man. I can’t take it if you’re dead.

They say everything can be replaced, they say every distance is not near, comes from his phone, and well, if Dean is extremely quick to answer and if his hand slightly shakes as he does, he has all the reasons. Right?

“Cas?” he breathes as his hand keeps on shaking while keeping the phone pressed incredibly close to his ear.

“Dean,” comes in that low, flat voice that vibrates right there from the other side of the line, and Dean lets out a breath of relief just for that. He’s sure that Cas must have heard it.

“Fuck. I was starting to… well. Worry doesn’t exactly cover that. How… how are you?” he asks, knowing that it sounds utterly lame, and if something hurts inside him as he realizes that Cas hasn’t asked for his location… he tries to ignore it.

“Mostly recovered, now.”

“Good. That’s good. Listen. I… I shouldn’t have just given in like that. You were… you were right. I didn’t get it until we were inside the green room, and yeah, in the end I did it for Sam, but… you were. All along. I’m sorry. I deserved you roughing me up like that. I get… I get if you want out of this crap, but… I wanted you to know that I am. Sorry, I mean. And… just, did you get the messages? I…” he keeps on, realizing that he might not be making sense, but Dean has always been crap at apologizing, unless he was talking to a dead body, and that’s the best he can do.

“Yes,” Castiel answers, still sounding too business-like for Dean’s liking, “but my recovering… took me a while. And… I did not really want to think about anything. For once. And… then I felt Gabriel die. I… I just wished to be alone.”

Cas stops and breathes into the phone, even if Dean he’s sure he doesn’t need it. Fair enough, Dean thinks as he waits for Cas to go on.

“Did you say that he died on your side?”

Dean doesn’t miss how Cas is saying your and not our. He tries not to let that get to him now. Along with the business-like voice… yeah. He doesn’t like it. And for some reason he just doesn’t want to deal with the option of Cas wanting out for good, even if he’d have all the rights.

“Yeah. He just, stormed in and at first he just wanted to grab us and get the hell outta Dodge, but then I… I think I convinced him to change idea and… I think I’m not beating myself up for it just ‘cause he knew and… you know. I don’t think he’d have appreciated it.”

And it’s not like he didn’t scar me for life with his last message, Dean thinks but doesn’t say.

“No, he wouldn’t have,” Cas agrees, and his voice cracks slightly. Now he sounds just tired. “Dean… I need to ask you something. And I need you to answer me sincerely. Do you… you realize now what I have been giving up? What he has given up? I need to know it. Before anything else. Because I cannot do it if I’m not sure that you do. I don’t mean to… further increase your burden. Or anything such as that. You don’t need to think that it’s your fault. I just want to know if you understand that.”

Dean wishes he didn’t have to say it out loud, but it’s the least he owes Cas. The least, really. And yes, he did get it. Not until Gabriel, maybe not fully until now, but after all this clusterfuck? He understands. He understands just fucking fine.

“Yeah. I do. And fuck, I wish you never had to. If I had just realized what I was asking of you… Cas, shit, I can’t say I’d take it back because you don’t deserve me lying to you, but if I could do anything to give you your damn halo as it was… I’d do that.”

“Dean. I don’t need to you give me back anything. I am not saying that I regret it. I don’t. Things were… easier before, I can’t say otherwise, but I never said I wanted them to. It’s not about that. It’s about feeling like everything I put… at stake, was for nothing. I… I will admit that I probably overreacted, but I need you to know where I come from.”

Cas breathes again into the phone and Dean wishes he could stop the sting in his eyes.

“Fair ‘nough. Cas, I… I get that, okay? I was a jerk and I was just wanting to be done and I was kind of trying to get all of you angry at me so you’d finally let me do it. And… I’m sorry I ever used that sigil on you. Of course you’d be pissed at me. The more I think about that, the more I want to smack myself.”

“Dean, you already do that at all time. Metaphorically, maybe, but it doesn’t change that. Also, I believe that what I did suffices, as far as… smacking goes.”

Dean can hear something slightly amused and resigned in Cas’ tone and he can’t help feeling just slightly more relaxed. And really, smacked sounds just weird on Cas’ tongue but whatever. Cas’ vocabulary isn’t really the main issue.

“Did you just grow a sense of humor that doesn’t work only in Enochian?”

“Since it seems like I am a lot around you, I guess it was bound to happen,” comes deadpan, and Dean wishes he could lift that weight off his shoulders. He really does. But he still can’t.

“Does… does this mean we’re…” and damn, why is he sounding like a goddamn schoolgirl patching up with her bff after their first fight?

Maybe because it kind of is like that, Dean thinks, and then he shakes his head to send the image away. “… that we’re okay?” he ends, and damn if it isn’t lame. “If we aren’t it’s fine too, hell, I’d get it if…”

“We are,” Cas answers, and there’s a certain warmth in his voice, and Dean’s breath of relief is probably loud.

“Just… just like that? I mean, shouldn’t I… it seems like it wasn’t…”

“You apologized. I did, too. And you didn’t do what I feared you would. And you seemingly understood that my stakes are as high as yours. It seems to me like there isn’t any reason for us not to be, right?”

“Sounds good. But. I dunno, it feels like I haven’t earned that.”

“You don’t earn forgiveness, Dean. At times, one does. But most times it’s freely given.”

And how do you answer that? Dean doesn’t think he knows how. And he wishes he knew how to accept it.

It’s fucking sad that he’s thirty years old, plus forty in Hell, and he still doesn’t have an idea of what he should do with such a gift. Because there’s no other way he can put it.

“Listen, how… how is that wound? You said you were mostly recovered, but…”

“It should be healed by now,” Cas says, and stops there.

“What do you mean, should?”

“I… I haven’t looked at it in the last three days.”

“Why the hell wouldn’t you?”

“I guess I… didn’t want to,” Cas says, and Dean can feel him shrugging, and yeah, when you carve something bound to banish yourself into your skin maybe you really don’t want to. It’s such a human thing, and something inside Dean aches.

“Could you…? Just, I need to know that it is. Healed, I mean.”

He hears silence for a handful of seconds, but then the breathing on the other side becomes slightly more labored.

“Very well.”

He hears a soft sound of rustling cloth and Dean can imagine Cas’ long, graceful fingers unbuttoning the shirt, and why is the image strangely alluring? That’s not what he should be worrying about.

“It’s… almost gone,” Cas says then, quietly. “There are some faint traces of the sigil, but it should heal in one day.”

And it took one week, Dean thinks, and all because he did it for you even if he didn’t even think it was worth it.

“It was worth it,” and Dean gasps.

“Did you hear me thinking? Over the fucking phone?”

“Not exactly. Once I might have. But now, I think it’s merely a case of guessing right your train of thought. Sorry, Dean, but you can be quite predictable.”

Which, Dean thinks, is almost as pathetic as everything else he has been doing lately.

“And what a train,” he says standing up and starting to pace. He needs to be moving.

“Will you ever get that, despite what you think, you are worth it? If you only could,” Cas says, sounding mostly frustrated but with a hint of what Dean can only hear as sadness, and he just wishes he could always say the right thing.

He just fucks things up, when he talks. And he can’t even try to show Cas with any kind of gesture because he isn’t here and he hasn’t asked where Dean is. Maybe he still needs space. Which is okay. After all, they’re good, aren’t they?

“Been there and done that for most of my life, Cas. Sorry but that kind of habit? Kinda hard to break. And… damn, that wasn’t what I was meaning to say. Mostly. I suck at talking, man. I just do. I can’t… I’m bad at this.”

“At this? What… what do you mean?” Cas asks, and Dean can picture the head-tilt he must be doing right this moment, and damn, why is that making him feel sort of warm?

“I never… Cas, you do realize that you’re the only person with whom I’m not practically related I give more than a damn about? Bobby doesn’t count, at this point he is related. I never… that never really happened and I suck at showing it and fuck, I’m actually telling you that. I’m not exactly in my right fucking mind. I suck at this talking crap.”

“And don’t you think that I have… never done this either?”

And well, he’s right. Cas can’t have much experience in human friendship, right?

“Dude, we make a fucking great pair. And anyway, do we really need to say this over the phone?”

“I believe so. You never seem to speak your mind whenever one is in front of you. Or if you do, you try to change the subject.”

“So you’re not coming here because otherwise I won’t talk to you or try to get out of it?”

“You always do. And I’m not faulting you. I am just stating the obvious.”

The point is that the bastard is right, too. If they were face to face Dean wouldn’t be saying any of this chick flick shit. But it’s a talk he realizes they need to have. Dammit. He hates talking.

“Fuck. How the hell do you do that, I don’t even know. It feels like you’re goddamn seeing me or some shit. Not that I can’t. I mean, I’m sure that now you’re standing somewhere where no one’s around for miles, and you probably didn’t even button up your shirt, and you’re staring out in the distance and you’re fucking tilting your head each ten minutes stopping yourself from telling me that you didn’t get something I said or shaking your head at me or whatever.”

For a second nothing comes from the other side of the phone, then he hears that soft breathing again.

“You are… quite right in your assumption. Even though I could say the same.”

“What do you mean?”

“I cannot see you, but I am quite sure that you are either in a motel room or at Robert Singer’s, standing up and walking restlessly, and if someone is downstairs they’re probably wishing you stopped. Your hand not holding the phone is moving some of your clothing around, because you always start touching your shirt when you don’t want to deal with any given situation. And once in a while you are glancing out of the window.”

“… how the fuck…”

“The same way you know, Dean,” Cas whispers, and he just makes it sound so simple that Dean’s head can’t wrap around it. But yeah, it’s simple, and it’s just the way it is.

“So, you really have your shirt still open?” Dean asks, trying to joke himself out of the situation, trying to make it lighter, trying to sway it towards a more comfortable zone, and before Castiel answers he can sort of hear his breathing getting slightly faster.

“Yes. I did not… think of doing otherwise.”

“And that’s actually bothering you? ‘Cause, well, you sound kind of…”

“Or maybe it’s bothering you?” Cas says then, and there’s an edge to his voice that sounds downright dirty.


“Maybe we should even things out. Should we not?” The question keeps that edge, except that now it sounds slightly more teasing, and Dean feels his cock twitching slightly. What the fuck?

He isn’t. He doesn’t think about Cas like that. They’re friends, goddammit. Fucked up pair of friends, maybe, but still. He doesn’t think about Cas like he seems to be right now.

Or maybe not? Otherwise why did he even bring it up? Or why was he thinking about how Cas’ fingers would have looked while holding the phone?

“Maybe,” he breathes, and his traitorous left hand sneaks up and starts unbuttoning his shirt even if Dean hadn’t wanted to just do it.

Or maybe he had.

He doesn’t know, but in the next thirty seconds his buttons are undone.

“We… we are even,” Dean blurts out, and Cas’ breathing becomes faster again. “The fuck, Cas? Don’t tell me that you’re thinking about it.”

“What are you wearing?”

The question hits Dean like a punch to the gut. Before, they might have passed it for joking, but…

No. It isn’t. Not when Cas asks it so bluntly and without any regards, and well, Dean thinks, it makes sense.

What Cas said in the alley, after all, couldn’t possibly have been just because he was sad about losing his bff. You don’t say shit like that unless it’s way more than camaraderie.

And he should say no, he should close the call, he should tell Cas that it isn’t what he wants, but there’s heat pooling down in his lower regions and… and… and fuck, he can’t, he doesn’t want to lie to himself any longer.

Not when, as he realizes now, he hadn’t entirely been joking when he had asked Cas to blow him. The image gets him harder, and oh, fuck, how did this happen? When did it happen? Since when he wants Cas this way as his body apparently thinks?

“Jeans. That old pair with the rip on the knee. I’m not wearing shoes. That flannel I was wearing when you brought me back to the future the first time. That’s… that’s it. You’re… what about you, always the same usual, huh?”

“Always the usual,” Cas agrees, a warmth in his voice that wasn’t there before. It makes it sound slightly darker even if softer and fuck, fuck, Dean just wants to jerk off right now but he figures it’s not what this is about.

He pictures Cas leaning against a tree, his shirt open, the trench still on, the skin on his chest still healing, the phone up to his ear, maybe a concentrated expression on his face; Jesus Christ. Dean isn’t sure he can do this. His own breathing suddenly gets out of control.

“Are you thinking about me?” Cas asks, plain, just like this.

“Yeah,” Dean mouths, and he thinks his cheeks are burning.

“And is that bothering you?” Cas presses on, and Dean has to swallow before answering.

“Yeah. It is. Uh, and what about you?” he asks, trying not to make his voice sound too shaky.

“Yes,” Castiel answers plainly, like it’s nothing, like it doesn’t exactly bother him, and fuck, it’s more of a turn-on than anything else.

“Woah. For being a virgin you sure, uh, know your way around this stuff, don’t you?”

“I have been watching humanity for centuries. Do you really think I don’t know? And don’t you ever get the suspicion that there might have been a reason why it… did not work out at the den of iniquity?” Cas breathes again, sounding slightly not in control, and damn, Dean thinks, it can’t be but it makes sense, but he doesn’t answer fast enough.

“Sit on the bed,” Cas says, control suddenly regained, and Dean, oh, fuck it, Dean just does.

“Done,” he whispers, and damn if he isn’t getting so hard that his jeans are restraining.

“Good. I remember that you… advised me to blow you, didn’t you?”

“Yeah. But it wasn’t… I mean, it’s… a… a reference, you don’t…”

“Dean, from what I hear, I gather you weren’t exactly joking. You would not be bothered now if you were, or am I wrong?”

Sometimes Dean wishes he could lie better.

“No, you aren’t.”

“That is… good to know.”

Cas breathes again, like he needs it to regain control, and Dean takes advantage of it.

“What… what are you doing right now?” he blurts, and damn if the ragged breaths coming from the other side aren’t fucking pornographic.

“I am leaning against the tree. And… my hand is on my belt.”

Jesus fucking Christ, Dean thinks.

“Now, you said that you’re sitting.”

“Yeah. I am.”

“Open up your jeans and push them down. Up to your ankles. Do not touch yourself,” Cas whispers, and damn, yes, he’d make a fortune if he worked for some porn line, Dean thinks, and then wonders if it wasn’t too blasphemous even for the situation.

Then he thinks about the situation again and he decides that no blaspheming can get worse than what they’re already doing. And then he pushes the phone between his ear and his cheek and, the God that doesn’t care help him, he is pushing down his jeans, and he curses the moment he decided to fucking go commando this morning.


“Are you wearing underwear?”

“No. No, ‘m not. Are you?” he retorts, and he can hear a hitch in Cas’ breath.

“Yes. And for your information, my hand is currently inside it.”

And dammit, how, how can Cas make such a stupid, awful sentence sound like sex incarnated? He’s bad at sex talk, he fucking is, but it doesn’t change that it’s still getting Dean hard.

“Look at yourself.”

Dean does, and dammit. He’s so hard that he’s starting to leak already and he has barely touched himself. Scratch that, he hasn’t touched himself once.

“Are you hard?”

“Understatement,” Dean whispers in return. “What about you? Are you?”

“Now I am,” comes from the other end of the line, and oh God, Cas is probably picturing him right now and… fuck.

“Are your legs spread?”


“How much?”

“I dunno, not too much but they are.”

“Could someone kneel in between them?”


“Spread them enough for that. Without taking your jeans off,” and if Dean isn’t wrong, he can hear Cas actually panting a bit. Not that he isn’t doing that himself. And ridiculously, by this point. And fuck, he’s doing that. He’s doing exactly everything Cas says without questioning it. What the hell’s going on with him?

“Done,” he says, his voice threatening to break for how tense it is.

“Very… very good. Where are your hands?”

“On my sides.”

“Keep them there. Imagine… imagine that I am right there with you. Imagine that I am kneeling right in front of you.”


“Imagine that I’m blowing you,” Cas whispers, his voice now downright a tease, dark and rough and with words coming in a rush, and Dean can’t help it and does. He imagines Cas kneeling there, trench and all, he imagines those full lips wrapping around his cock and taking him deep, he imagines how it would feel to have Cas’ hair under his hands, he wonders if it could get even messier than he usually is, he imagines how good it would feel if Cas could entirely take him down his throat and oh, oh, damn, if he was leaking pre-come before, now watching himself is almost obscene. As obscene as the idea of Cas on his knees is, for some reason.

“Fuck… Jesus, I… it’s…”

“Are you imagining that?”

“Yeah. Yeah, and… fuck, Cas, it’d be… it’d feel…”


“Just, the idea of you kneeling in front of me… and how your lips would look like… fuck, could you take me deep?”

“I believe… I believe I could.”

“Fuck. Oh, fuck,” Dean mutters as he keeps his eyes closed and thinks about it.

“Is that making you harder?”

Yes,” Dean blurts, and if it sounds desperate, he doesn’t care. “And what about you, huh?” he manages, because he can totally hear the way Cas’ breath is everything but even and fuck, whenever he isn’t talking he’s making small noises that are downright illegal. “Are you picturing me sitting on the bed with everything on display and not moving just ‘cause you’re telling me not to?”

“Yes,” Cas breathes, and now it sounds wrecked, or close to it.

“And how does that work for you?” Dean whispers, not minding that his voice is almost as wrecked.

“It… it does. You’re… you’d be…”

Dean is waiting for that, he needs to hear it, and then suddenly he hears a completely ill-come mechanical female voice.

You are warned: you are running out of minutes. You only have another two before this call ends automatically, unless you choose to purchase more. I repeat, your minutes are almost over, and this call will be ended in…

Dean would be tempted to laugh here, seriously, because that’s totally the best way to get you out of the mood, and trust Cas not to check how many minutes he had left before calling, but then he hears Cas literally growl in frustration.

“Where are you?”


“Dean, where are you?”

And. Oh. Oh.

“Bobby’s. Second guest room. Upsta –”

He hasn’t finished the last word when Cas appears right in front of him and fuck. His cheeks are flushing, his eyes are almost all black, his pupils completely blown up, and all the blue he can see is almost glowing in the moonlight; his shirt is open and yeah, he can see faint traces of the sigil, his tie isn’t there but the coat is, and he’s obviously hard, as much as Dean is, and the bare sight makes sweat trickle down Dean’s face faster and his breathing get impossibly ragged.

And then Cas doesn’t even let him say a thing before he does drop on his knees between Dean’s legs (the right distance, he thinks without much coherence, exactly the perfect distance between them) and wraps his mouth around Dean’s cock and fuck, fuck, it’s… it’s…

Dean thinks he’s out of words. What he had imagined before? That doesn’t even come close to this. Cas does take him deep down his throat, and there’s something utterly wrong in seeing him on his knees in front of Dean with his lips red and sticky in a way that is almost obscene, but on the other side Cas is… is blowing him like a goddamn pro, his tongue flickering seemingly everywhere it can reach (and oh, oh, when it reaches the back of the head Dean moans so hard that he’d be ashamed, if he was thinking straight), his head moving at regular, painfully paced intervals, and Dean can’t resist moving his hands forward and tangling his fingers in Cas’ hair. And it’s soft and just the perfect length to tug just slightly on it, and when Cas’ head thrusts up just a bit like he’s searching for the contact, Dean has to literally restrain himself from pushing Cas’ face down against his crotch.

That would kind of be too much.

Also, the noises Cas makes as he keeps on going down on him, sucking him off with an ease that no virgin angel should have, are fucking downright pornographic. He wishes he could say otherwise but he can’t. He can’t and he feels himself shake and writhe on the bed, and he barely manages to tug on Cas’ hair harder; he’s too far gone to talk, too far gone for speech as he shudders and he comes in Cas’ mouth, his hips moving upwards without any kind of restraint, and damn, damn, Cas’ hands just reach up towards his waist, keeping him sort of still (or at least keeping him from writhing as much) and then he swallows it all. Without even blinking. With his gaze burning against him, through him, black against a slight bit of blue, and Dean doesn’t even want to know how long it lasts. He can’t remember a time, recently at least, when he came as hard, or felt as good, with his nerves caught in a spasm of pleasure which seems to be reaching everywhere inside him, and as he drops on the bed, unable to keep himself in a sitting position, he sees Cas smirking quite knowingly as he moves his head away.

Dean manages to move his hand so that Cas gets that he should come closer, and Cas does, sitting on the side of the bed, his head slightly hovering above Dean’s, and fuckfuck there’s something in the way he’s looking down at Dean, soft and relieved and a lot of other things at the same time that makes Dean feel overwhelmed. Way too much. And so he just reaches up, grabs one of the coat’s lapels and brings Cas down so that he can taste himself on Cas’ lips. Cas doesn’t really hesitate at that and as soon as Dean’s tongue moves a bit forward he opens up; he tastes bitter and feels warm and wet and good, in a way that feels new but right at the same time. He kisses slowly, though maybe he’s a bit hesitant, like… like it’s his first real kiss, and it might feel strange and weird considering that he fucking just blew Dean like a natural, but on the other side, it just complies with the fact that it’s Cas we’re talking about. After all, even when he still supposedly followed orders, he never went by the book and he never fit to any of Dean’s standards. Because if Dean had believed in angels back then, he’d have never pictured them to be like that. And he always seemed different, slightly marching to his own beat even when it seemed the contrary (can I tell you something if you promise not to tell another soul?), finding a way around orders just because Dean asked, and then, well, when you’re pretty much the only angel with free will you really are one of a kind. And all things considered, it just doesn’t feel wrong that Cas could pull that over the phone and then fall to his knees in one smooth, graceful motion, but that it doesn’t exactly translate to kissing.

But it isn’t wrong and it isn’t bad either; actually, there’s something so intimate about the way Cas’ tongue is carefully tracing Dean’s lips or about how his fingers are slightly shaking as they cup Dean’s cheek that makes Dean feel kind of exposed and not the way he’s already exposed at the moment. Not that it’s bad, though. He feels… fuck, cared for, he can’t put it any other way, and damn if it doesn’t just make him kiss Cas a bit faster, or if it doesn’t make him want to lie back and let himself bask in the sensation for a while.

And then he feels a bulge press against his thigh and well, fuck, he really needs to do something.

He forces himself up to a sitting position without necessarily breaking the kiss so that they’re both sitting on the bed, and he feels Cas moan into his mouth when Dean’s hand unbuttons his trousers and pushes down; he wraps his fingers around Cas’ erection, thinking that the guy really has restraint because in his place Dean would have started touching himself a long while ago.

Not that taking care of it is going to be a problem. He slightly smirks into the still on-going kiss when Cas thrusts forward against him as Dean starts to jerk him off, going for quick and short strokes; for now he really doesn’t think he should draw it any longer. Not when Cas looks about undone, or at least a short distance from shattering right there against him. They part a handful of seconds later, enough that Dean can see Cas’ bare chest in the moonlight, the traces of the sigil still faint, and for a second he can’t bear the sight. And so he pulls an arm behind Cas’ shoulders and draws him forward, feeling Cas shake against him as he bites down on Dean’s shoulder and comes against his hand with a final, desperate thrust.

Dean keeps on moving his fingers until Cas is lying spent against him, barely feeling the pain in his shoulder as Cas’ teeth leave his skin, and he doesn’t think that they’re much graceful as they fall down on the bed, but he could barely keep himself straight and apparently Cas couldn’t either.

He wipes his hand without much attention on the sheets as Cas lies with his lips half parted and his eyes closed, obviously not sleeping but looking way more peaceful than he usually does; Dean can’t help it when his clean hand reaches out and starts tracing the faint scars still on Cas’ chest, wondering if they still hurt, and wanting to say how sorry he is again even if words fail him.

And then Cas opens his eyes and looks straight at him.

“Stop feeling sorry,” he says, his voice strange, somewhere in between rough and sated and tired, and Dean shakes his head bringing himself slightly closer.

“Yeah, well, I’ll try. Anyway… were you… were you planning to actually show up or you did it just because you finished your minutes again?” Dean asks, trying to keep it light and not to ruin the mood, even if he thinks he has kind of failed at that.

Cas just sort of rolls his eyes and straightens up enough to lose the coat, kick his shoes away and then, after thinking about it a couple of seconds, everything else that isn’t his unfastened trousers before falling down on the bed again, way closer than he was before, his hand going towards Dean’s face and his thumb tracing that point on Dean’s lower lip which, last time Cas’ hand and his face collided, had been hit with Cas’ fist.

“Yes. I would have come here, eventually,” he says, his eyes sort of glinting, and Dean doesn’t need Cas to spell it out.

“Damned tease,” he breathes next to Cas’ lips, but it doesn’t have any venom in it.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Cas answers instead of anything more suited, except that damn him. He answered the question Dean didn’t ask, but whose answer he was aching for even if he’d have never said it out loud.

“Maybe you should. I mean, you still can. If you want. I couldn’t fault you. You already…”

“Do not go there again,” and damn, Cas does sound thoroughly frustrated. “You know what?” he adds then, and now instead of frustrated he sounds kind of amused. Which doesn’t really add up.


“Blow me, Dean,” Cas literally hisses into his ear before throwing an arm around Dean’s waist making his intentions way clear.

For a second Dean is completely dumbfounded. Then he realizes that since they stopped talking about serious things and ended up having phone sex, he hasn’t thought for a second that he didn’t want it to happen. Not to mention that he hasn’t felt this… this fine since the whorehouse. Maybe.

He should kind of being freaking out but when he realizes that, more correctly, he’s freaking out over not freaking out, he figures it’ll be just easier if he lets it go and admits to himself that he wants this, with Cas; and well, since apparently he can have it… yeah, maybe it’s time he learns to just stop worrying for once.

“If you ask so nicely, next time I might,” he answers before letting his eyes close. It just feels so good to have someone to share the bed with, and it’s so warm and almost fucking cozy that he thinks he really could use some time basking into the feeling.

“Then I am looking forward to it,” he thinks he hears a beat later, but by the time the sentence is over, a hand is smoothing the hair on the back of his head and he’s already out.

feeling: rushedrushed
on rotation: Nick Cave - Red Right Hand | Powered by Last.fm
_izu_ on May 8th, 2010 02:55 pm (UTC)

Scusami, commento adesso solo per poter dire d'essere la prima, stampo e me la leggo in tram andando a prendere la gentaglia per la pizzata di stasera *___*


...e ho l'icon giusta, tutto grazie a te XD
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural castiel 4.0janie_tangerine on May 8th, 2010 06:54 pm (UTC)

lol, aspetterò con ansia le reazioni e cerca di non scandalizzare il tram XDD

Hallie Jade: Dean/Castiel2angelshandprint on May 8th, 2010 04:42 pm (UTC)
Ohhh Dean is so in love, he just has trouble admitting it
And dirty Cas is real dirty LOL
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural dean/castieljanie_tangerine on May 8th, 2010 06:53 pm (UTC)
Eeee, thank you! And yes to both. LOL, poor Dean. Admit it, come on. ;)

And ha, Cas can have a dirty mind all things considered. I think, at least. Glad you liked this! :D
awakencordyawakencordy on May 8th, 2010 08:00 pm (UTC)
oh my goodness. i saw your name in my notifications from deancastiel and even though i was busy i clicked on the link and now I AM HAPPY. \o/
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural dean 2.0janie_tangerine on May 8th, 2010 08:50 pm (UTC)
Ha, well, I can't complain if you're happy now, right? Thank you so much!! Much glad that you are XDD *wink*
(Deleted comment)
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural castiel 4.0janie_tangerine on May 8th, 2010 08:50 pm (UTC)
Thank you so very much! :D
Kevin Jonesmulder200 on May 8th, 2010 08:08 pm (UTC)
OMG and Holy shit! This was so awesome!

The phone conversation was something that they REALLY needed to discuss and I love how Dean and Cas just know what the other person is thinking and doing because they are just that intimate and close.

And the phone sex that turned into real sex? Holy shit! That was so fucking hot! Awesome!
the female ghost of tom joad: misha = awesomejanie_tangerine on May 8th, 2010 08:52 pm (UTC)
Eee, thank you so very much!

It's great to know the phone conversation worked for you, I'd really LOVE it if they sat down and discussed it in canon. Which I fear won't ever happen, but that's what fic is for I guess. And ha, I had never written phone sex before tbh so it's awesome to know that it worked for you, too. ;) Thanks again!! <333
Marshmallow Karl Marxchaviola on May 8th, 2010 08:09 pm (UTC)
“I am leaning against the tree. And… my hand is on my belt.”

asdkl;fgj why is that so hot
the female ghost of tom joad: tangerinesjanie_tangerine on May 8th, 2010 08:52 pm (UTC)
Because Cas having his hand down there would be a sight? ;)

Thanks for reading! :D
axia_85: Weaknessaxia_85 on May 8th, 2010 08:18 pm (UTC)
Guardando i commenti ho visto che sei italiana...mamma mia, questa roba SCOTTA, è assolutamente fenomenale!
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural dean/cas finale #2janie_tangerine on May 8th, 2010 08:53 pm (UTC)
Eeeee... sì, italiana, presente *alza la mano* XD tengo alto l'onore nazionale XD (nsomma, non direi, ma suvvia ;) )

E grazie mille!! Sono MOLTO contenta che sia piaciuta. ;) <333
(no subject) - _izu_ on May 11th, 2010 08:51 am (UTC) (Expand)
samjohnssonsamjohnsson on May 8th, 2010 10:08 pm (UTC)
Cas' voice + phone? Yeah, My brain is gone now. Though I think I'm more in love with the little signs that they really do know and watch each other that much...
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural castiel 3.0janie_tangerine on May 9th, 2010 10:04 am (UTC)
Eeee, thank you! I know, I know. Kind of a powerful combination, right? But it's great to hear that the whole setting worked for you, thanks so much again! :D
Giulia: Spn_fuck youe0wyn on May 8th, 2010 11:11 pm (UTC)
“Blow me, Dean,”

Oddio sono morta qui *____* (per la terza o quarta volta leggendo questa fic *___*)
Bellissima davvero, poi mi è piaciuta un sacco la prima parte dove Dean lascia millemila messaggi preoccupati sulla segreteria! Altro che, come nell'ultimo episodio,
"Ah, sei tu? Pensavo fossi morto. Ok, capiti proprio a proposito: ci servirebbe una mano"
I mean, WTF? Sembrava Sam il più preoccupato (which is just sad, tra un po' mi metto ashipperare loro se va avanti così ç___ç)
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural castiel early s4janie_tangerine on May 9th, 2010 10:28 am (UTC)
tra un po' mi metto ashipperare loro se va avanti così ç___ç

davvero? O__O giuro non so se lo facciano apposta ma.. ma.. NO, CAVOLO XD o meglio, non posso dire che come ship secondaria non mi dispiaccia ma.. ma.. CAVOLO HO UNO OTP ;) e davvero, 'ciao, uh, contento che tu sia vivo, senti vieni qui un secondo?' -> errrr. No, Dean, no. Lascia i messaggi, eh. ;) Comunque grazie mille, sono davvero contenta che ti sia piaciuta!! <3333 e eeeeh. Non ho resistito. DOVEVO FARGLIELO DIRE. ;)
(no subject) - e0wyn on May 9th, 2010 12:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Audreybhsbaby on May 9th, 2010 12:33 am (UTC)

I have such a Phone!Sex kink and Cas being so awkward at first and then just MASTERFUL. RAWR!

This was awesomeee!
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural castiel 5x18janie_tangerine on May 9th, 2010 09:48 am (UTC)
Eeee, thank you so much! I'll admit I had been wanting to write phone sex since The End or something but I never got around to it for some reason. And you know that Cas starts awkward and then owns everyone else at it. ;) ;) Thanks again, much glad you liked it! :D
Destructive Entityveggie17 on May 9th, 2010 12:47 am (UTC)
This was fantastic! I loved their conversation about the events that happened in 5x18, and I love that they both made an effort. Oh, and I love how the phone-sex turned into actual sex and gdfh jkgfcb cx! nghhhh. Thank you. :)
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural castiel 3.0janie_tangerine on May 9th, 2010 10:12 am (UTC)
Ee, thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it, and that the conversation about 5x18 worked for you. I'd have loved to see that discussed, er, more deeply in canon, but we take what we can I guess. And ha, if the sex worked for you too then I can feel accomplished. :D Thank you!
Passive Aggressive Heterophobejuanitatequila on May 9th, 2010 02:07 am (UTC)
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural castiel 4.0janie_tangerine on May 9th, 2010 09:49 am (UTC)
EEEE, YES IT WAS! :D thanks for reading!!
Aaliyah: Smily facehalf_vulcan on May 9th, 2010 03:44 am (UTC)
*Head Explodes!* OMFG! Phone sex with Cas?! I want to be on the other side of THAT call! That was SO hot. I need an ice bath now. I will be back. *Sticks head in freezer*
the female ghost of tom joad: misha collins AT JIBjanie_tangerine on May 9th, 2010 10:12 am (UTC)
You know that Cas and phone sex are one OTP in themselves, right? Thank you so much!!! *hands ice*
WHERE DO YOU EVEN BUY A BABY-BLUE KERCHIEF?oywidapoodles on May 9th, 2010 03:59 am (UTC)
GUUHHH Hot. Cannot form full sentences.
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural castiel is a sane beingjanie_tangerine on May 9th, 2010 09:52 am (UTC)
Ha, then I can feel accomplished. ;) Thank you so much!! :D
flmun on May 9th, 2010 07:07 am (UTC)
This was a terrific story where the guys worked out their issues......

Then suddenly! It's amazingly hot phonesex pron....

Then it's a great warm, touching first time.

Great way to get all three done at the same time.
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural dean/cas <3janie_tangerine on May 9th, 2010 10:24 am (UTC)
Aw, thanks so much! It's great to know this worked for you, and that especially the transition from 'we're working issues out!' to 'LET'S HAVE PHONE SEX' was fine because that was what I was fretting most about. Thanks so much again, glad you liked it!! :D