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10 April 2011 @ 05:40 pm
the earth died screaming, 4/4  
The sun is still shining up there and Jimmy keeps on wondering why is it that it never rains.

Maybe angels don’t like rain. At times he just wishes that the weather wasn’t… so perfect. He misses the times when the weather could suck, exactly like human race had the chance to suck, but those times are gone. He’ll never make peace with it, but maybe one day he’ll just accept it the way you accept inevitable things. He kind of dreads thinking of that day.

“At times I wonder if we just should leave,” Dean says from his right side. They’re standing on the porch, strangely pristine in the middle of a devastated road. Jimmy wonders that too, because this might have been the last gift Castiel had for him or them, but can they really stay here forever or until they waste away? Or should they try to find someone else and… do something, whatever it could be? If there’s someone else around, which isn’t even a sure bet.

“At times I ask myself the same. At least we have the choice, right? Differently from everyone else around.”

It’s still more than the vessels have, after all. They don’t have a choice just because they don’t know what choice means.

“Yeah, right. Shit, they freak me out so much.”

“Me too, but I’ll agree with you that you’re entitled to be freaked out by the whole lot of them. They don’t have my eyes, after all.”

Dean shivers and Jimmy sighs. He has told him the entire story, and Dean still doesn’t remember anything. At this point Jimmy thinks he never will.

Castiel might have been right, but Dean still should have had a choice. Angels are dicks, really. Jimmy has changed idea on a lot of things, and one of them is that he’s glad he still remembers how it was before. Who he was before. The fact that he’s the only one who does (because while Dean is human, he doesn’t know how it was anymore) still makes him uncomfortable, but someone should know, and if it has to be him, he’ll deal with it.

“And where would we go?” Jimmy asks then, and Dean shrugs.

“I dunno. Somewhere?”

None of them has much hope that other people survived. If they did, it’d be no one they already know.

“Sounds better than nowhere,” Jimmy murmurs, and he knows it won’t happen today. Or tomorrow.

But soon. Sooner than later.

He doesn’t even know if he’s looking forward to it. Then again, having a doubt is better than not knowing what doubt is.

“Well, we’ll see, I guess. If I ask you to tell me about Cas again will you kill me?”

Jimmy wishes he had more he could tell Dean about his brother or his family, but what he knows is what Castiel knew and Castiel is Jimmy’s strong topic. But there’s something in the way Dean looks at him whenever he asks, like he hopes that if Jimmy tells him something enough times that he’d remember it, and who is Jimmy to deny him that?

“I doubt I’d kill you over something so trivial. Of course.”

He starts talking, and if for the entire time he glances up at the sky and he doesn’t see a single cloud, it’s nothing new.

feeling: okayokay
love is not loving.allthemiles on April 16th, 2011 02:09 am (UTC)
What? There's just a little dust in my eye...
What an amazing, beautiful story, but I'm not surprised as I've been the quiet, creepin' lurker reading and loving all the stories I've read by you.

And this. I love Jimmy and Jimmy/Castiel fics. I love apocalyptic/dystopian fics. And I have an inordinate love for melancholy. So. Way to hit all my buttons and then some. The moments between Jimmy and Cas were so painful and yet so perfect and that request Castiel has at the end?...and that's about all the words I can think of through my inner gibbering. Auugh, thanks for this. So much.
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural jimmy 2.0janie_tangerine on April 17th, 2011 03:23 pm (UTC)
Re: What? There's just a little dust in my eye...
Aw, thank you so much! <3 I'm really so glad that this worked for you, especially because it's not really the kind of fic I usually write and I was pretty worried about having pulled that off. But it's really great to hear that it pushed your buttons correctly and that especially the ending worked for you. Thank you for reading it! ♥
dossierdossier on April 16th, 2011 11:23 pm (UTC)
I really love this story; it goes to a place that I haven't seen before, and does it so well. Jimmy as the last old model vessel on Earth (with memories), meeting the other vessel (without, and can you really say that *is* Dean Winchester, if he has no concept of self or memory?) is kind of cheering, then Castiel really dies for sure at last. Ow.

Heaven on Earth's weird fluidity of time was cool, and served the story well. the weather, the gaps in Jimmy's understanding, and his avoidance of former civilization are the bellwethers. Michael's change of heart - wiping Dean's memory and bailing for heaven - is a question that keeps pinging around in my head. He seems capricious and compassionate in the same stroke, highlighting how alien the angels really are.

I have to say that I once used the same Tom Waits song as the basis for a story, but I think the apocalyptic aspect is perfect for it.
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural castiel #2janie_tangerine on April 17th, 2011 03:28 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much! It's so good to know it worked for you because it's not really what I usually do so it's awesome to hear that it did work. (Talks one who usually can't even read character death, er.) But seriously, thanks for the lovely words, I'm really happy that you liked it this much. Also regarding Michael I was aiming pretty much for the capricious/fickle/sort-of-compassionate thing, so it's good he worked as well - I was mostly wanting to make the whole thing as unsettling as possible.

Also that song had a title that was too good to pass. It wasn't the main force behind this and I had finished this a while before finding the right title but then it just really fit and I figured I could go for it. (Mostly I couldn't follow the book I took inspiration from because the title would've been Dean and Castiel, er. Which would have been way misleading.)
oh hai mark!: [heroes] sylar: so srsangary on April 17th, 2011 11:47 am (UTC)
God, this is gutting, to say the least.

I love so many things about this: the emptiness of the world, the vessels - OMG so creepy and absolutely tragic - Jimmy hearing Cas's voice in his head, then a fragment of Cas really being in him, Cas's death and gratefulness to Jimmy after being forgiven, the reveal that Castiel had tried speaking out against the other angels and being punished for it - seriously, oh, Castiel ;___; - then the tentative hope and re-discovery at the end between Jimmy and Dean. It's not a happy ending, but a bittersweet one, so in that sense, it is perfect for this type of scenario. This fic gripped me tight and... from the beginning, and a part of me feels like it went by too fast, but not in a bad way. I could read a fic set in this verse with another 12k words.

This is my favorite line:

Ironic. One spends his life sure that if he does things right he’ll get himself a nice small piece of Eden for a reward, and then he finds out that it’s better not to go.

It says so much in so little, and I love that it has a mixture of unsettling bitterness and matter-of-factness about it.
There were many, many lines and moments that really resonated with me, especially Jimmy's memories of Claire and wondering where she was in the first part, and his memory of Amelia during the wedding ceremony and night, and the one above stuck out to me the most. The bit about old vs. new models was also one of my favorite parts.

Basically I love this and it is amazing and I am adding it to my memories right now. This is such a heartbreaking story, and you did an amazing, lovely job of telling it.

Edited at 2011-04-17 11:51 am (UTC)
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural jimmy 4.0janie_tangerine on April 17th, 2011 03:43 pm (UTC)
Oh my thank you so much, really. Getting this comment totally made my morning today, I'm so glad that it worked for you. Mostly because I was kind of pushing my own writing boundaries for this one and it's just great to know that it worked. Especially because I was aiming for the unsettling vibe so it's very good to hear it actually felt as creepy as I hoped for it to be. ;) Also I really felt horrible about killing poor Cas but this so wasn't the setting where saving everyone was going to work so it's really good to know that the ending made sense to you as well, since I was aiming for the bittersweet-at-most as well.

Also your favorite line is totally one of my own favorites as well. ;) And really, thanks so very much again for the lovely words, I'm so happy that you liked it this much. ♥
Giulia: Spn_Case0wyn on April 18th, 2011 04:14 pm (UTC)
Eccomi, l'ho letta finalmente!

Stupenda, davvero. Sai, di solito probabilmente non leggerei una storia dove Jimmy ha un ruolo così grande (non perchè odi il personaggio o che, anzi... solo che preferisco leggere storie Dean/Cas o, al massimo, Castiel centriche). Però il fatto che l'avevi scritta tu mi ha spinto a provare e le premesse mi sembravano interessanti.

Beh, sono contenta di averlo fatto. Il mondo post-apocalittico che hai creato è davvero vivido, un posto dove splende sempre il sole e dove tutti hanno gli occhi di Dean (detta così, sembra quasi un bel posto se uno non ha letto la storia XD). E che tristezza, tutti questi "umani" 2.0 che non hanno altro scopo nella vita se non quello di essere dei semplici tramiti... complimenti, le caratterizzazioni sono davvero perfette, sia per i personaggi conosciuti sia per appunto gli altri umani.

“Are you crying because you’re really that happy to see me or what? Were we best friends or somethin’?” he asks, almost joking, and Jimmy wishes he could say no, but you and the angel inside me probably were.

Sai, non mi si inumidiscono gli occhi facilmente o miviene un groppo alla gola quando leggo una storia ma qui non ho proprio potuto farci nulla. E' una frase così corta eppure i rimandi e le emozioni che provoca sono così tante... stupenda. Mi vengono ancora adesso gli occhi lucidi solo al pensarci ;_____;

Bellissima storia davvero!
the female ghost of tom joad: !!! <3janie_tangerine on April 22nd, 2011 09:09 am (UTC)
Eeee ciao! ;)

... sorry per quanto riguarda lo spargimento di lacrime ma davvero sono contentissima che ti sia piaciuta specialmente se Jimmy non è il tuo soggetto solito. ;) (mmh, si vede che ho delle preferenze io in quel telefilm? NOOO. Ma non avevo mai scritto niente con lui protagonista che fosse di lunghezze tangibili e volevo dargli una possibilità xD)

E seriamente, non è il tipo di cosa che scrivo di solito (character death? io? cosa mi è saltato in testa? XDD) quindi sapere che funziona fa MOLTO piacere. <333333333333 grazie mille! E oddio, mi sa che ti devo dei fazzoletti? *manda virtualmente* grazie ancora! ♥
Shini4422shini on April 19th, 2011 10:24 pm (UTC)
Wow. That was very unique and thoughtful. I very much enjoyed it, even though I feel like I want to ball my eyes out :D

the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural jimmy 4.0janie_tangerine on April 22nd, 2011 09:04 am (UTC)
Aw, thanks! :D it's great to know you liked it. And sorry for the whole bailing youreyes out thing but I can only feel sort of accomplished if it had that effect. ;)
joe buck rides again: spn | when the night breaksmiscellanium on April 28th, 2011 10:11 pm (UTC)
i am going to leave you a better comment later because right now i can barely see through tears ;adkfjs
joe buck rides againmiscellanium on April 28th, 2011 11:31 pm (UTC)
Okay okay okay. This is not going to be very coherent.

The slow introduction of the facts is so well done, yet the beginning isn't so confusing I can't engage--it helps that you sketch out such a vivid scenario right from the start. I haven't read the book so I don't know how much you've used as inspiration, but the whole vessel thing? So so gorgeously creepy, and the fact that they all have Dean's eyes is such a nice touch--and oh my god the ending when we find out what happened to Dean, I had already started tearing up when Jimmy was walking along the road but when he walked into the house that's when I lost it because Cas and also Jimmy dsf;flaj the sense of loss is so powerfully conveyed throughout the whole fic--the way Jimmy's dependent on Cas (waiting for him, he keeps saying/having to say) but also not and I'm sorry I can't be more articulate but this is amazing.

I do kind of wish we had gotten more of a glimpse at what happened but it works really well the way you've set it up so maybe I'll just passively-aggressively suggest that a timestamp could be a really good idea. If you feel like it. It would be good.

asljfsljk; brb bookmarking this forever
the female ghost of tom joad: supernatural jimmy 4.0janie_tangerine on May 2nd, 2011 07:56 pm (UTC)
Ouuch sorry for the lateness answering - let's say I ended up having to write 20000 words in three days and I didn't manage to catch up with comments until now. /fail

That said thank you so very much for reading! And don't worry about coherency, it's totally overrated. ;) I'm so glad that this worked for you, especially because both format/content aren't my usual style. Especially it's great to know the introduction of the facts worked for you because I was worried about being too cryptic, but I just figured that since my POV wasn't much aware I couldn't go for a detailed backstory. (And regarding the book, I just took the basic premise - guy being the last man on Earth except for other-human-beings that in there are a genetically engineered improved version - but in case you read it, I didn't really spoil you. ;) ) Also I was totally aiming for the vessels thing to be creepy so it's pretty good to know I delivered on that. And really I'm -so- glad that you liked this one.

Also you mean timestamps for the back story? I haven't thought about it but when I'm not swamped with challenge fics I could give your passive-aggressive suggestion a try - I also might have liked writing this way too much. I'll totally think about it though. ;) thanks so very much again! ♥
purple_paulinepurple_pauline on August 30th, 2011 11:19 pm (UTC)
this was so good !!!! off to find more of your stuff
the female ghost of tom joad: tangerinesjanie_tangerine on September 1st, 2011 10:11 pm (UTC)
Aw, thank you! :D Much glad you liked it. :)